Wednesday One-Liners Won't Go to Brooklyn to Eat

Elderly woman yelling at man looking at map: Where you going? What color is your train? Is it yellow or orange? This train is green. You should get on a red train. (singing) Red, orange, yellow, green, blue. Oh, and brown. Can't forget that. Just don't go to Brooklyn. No. No. No-o-o-o. Not there.

–4 Train

Overheard by: Sunny

Girl on phone: My friend said that's probably why I don't like Brooklyn–because I have the night of the living dead outside my window…

–Amsterdam & 112th

Upper East Side man: If you really want to rough it, go to Brooklyn.

–84th & 2nd

Little girl shouting: Everyone in this entire building is going to Brooklyn!

–Grand Central

Posted on February 8, 2015
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Colors, Columbia University, Death, Directions, Film, Girls, Grand Central, Kids, Men, Old People, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Questions, Upper East Side, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

After the Fistfight, an Ethnic Mismatch Comedy Started Production

Black receptionist: Carlos De Jesus George? Are you here?
Latino receptionist: It’s not pronounced ‘De Je-zus George,’ but ‘De He-sus Hor-he.’
Black receptionist: Excuse me? What are you saying? This clearly says ‘Carlos De Jesus George.
Latino receptionist: No mother would name their son Jesus. And besides, that’s not the correct pronunciation in Spanish.
Black receptionist: What? Oh, girl, you know I don’t speak those words.

–Doctor’s office, 15th & 1st

Posted on February 8, 2015
Black People, Default, Family Ties, Language Barrier, Latinos, Names, Office, Questions, Stuyvesant Town, Women, Words

Dad Left His “A” Game Somewhere in the Eighties

Girl #1: Okay, so you know how my dad asked me if I wanted to see Counting Crows and Maroon 5 last week?
Girl #2: Yeah, what the hell was he thinking?
Girl #1: I dunno man, but today he asked me if I wanted to see Rush.
Girl #2: Dude, what the fuck?
Girl #1: Well in his defense, he thought they were Journey.

–Pizzeria Uno, South Street Seaport

Posted on February 8, 2015
Default, Girls, Music, Offers and requests, Parents, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

Brooklyn's Always Been a Special-Needs Borough

Woman: I don't mean to be mean, but you know, kids who are… underdeveloped mentally?
Man: Oh, retards?
Woman, relieved: Yeah!

–Downtown Brooklyn

Overheard by: Myrtle&Carlton

Posted on February 7, 2015
Brooklyn, Handicaps, Kids, Men, Questions, Retardation, Women

…Are You in Heat Again?

Girl in back of crowd: Meow!
Boy in front of crowd: Meredith!? Is that you!?

–Astor Place

Posted on February 7, 2015
Boys, Gay Man's Best Friend, Girls, Questions, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness

“Soldier McGee” Would Make a Great Name for a Cat

Guy #1: So, what's “emo”? Like gay?
Guy #2: Basically.

–Outside Soldier McGee Tavern

Overheard by: Jason

Posted on February 7, 2015
Bars & Clubs, Gays and Lesbians, Guys, Questions, Words

May I Assume Your Request for a Slice Was Purely Pretextual?

Bag lady: You got some change so I can get a slice?
Girl: I just bought this Stromboli and I won't eat it. You want it?
Bag lady: What is it?
Girl: It's kinda like pizza.
Bag lady, looking at Stromboli: Nah.

–81st St & Broadway

Overheard by: Lolita

Posted on February 7, 2015
Bag ladies, Girls, Homeless, Offers and requests, Pizza, Questions, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Al-Qaeda: Hmmm…

Mother to son, as he exits camel ride: Were you scared?
Son: The part that was scariest was the germs.

–Bronx Zoo

Overheard by: mully

Posted on February 6, 2015
Boys, Fears, Health and Hygiene, Kids, Moms, Questions, The Bronx, Threats, Tourist Attractions, Weirdness

You Should Take That As a Sign to Fuck Me

Fashionista queer: Excuse me, could I bum a cigarette?
Rocker queer: Sorry, I don't smoke. But you should take that as a sign to quit! It's bad for you!
Fashionista queer: Who cares, I'm skinny!

–Cafeteria, 17th & 7th

Overheard by: Nellee

Posted on February 6, 2015
Advice, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Default, Diet/Weight, Fashionistas, Health and Hygiene, Offers and requests, Queer guys, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Skinny People, Smokers & Smoking, Smoking

Fair Enough

Skanky woman: If you've got so many phones, why do you never call me?
Skanky man, shouting: Because I'm a drug addict!

–Union Square

Overheard by: dionneloftus

Posted on February 6, 2015
Biotechs, Drugs, Men, Questions, Relationships, Union Square and East Village

Questions

…Are You in Heat Again?