Pilot to copilot: So do you fly these often?
Copilot: No.
–LaGuardia Airport
Pilot to copilot: So do you fly these often?
Copilot: No.
–LaGuardia Airport
Ditzy bonde: So, like, you remember those two guys from the bar last night?
Sensible black chick: Yeah.
Ditzy bonde: I fucked 'em both! One after the other. Bam! Bam!
Sensible black chick: Jesus, Diane*! They wore condoms, riiight?
Ditzy bonde thoughtfully: Well, they were still dribbling out of me this morning… So no!
–Union Square Station
Overheard by: Bart Simpson's shudder
Tween: Mom, I'm so sorry. I don't know what I was thinking.
Mother: What are you?
Tween, starting to sob: Stupid.
Mother: What kind of stupid?
Tween: Ten flavors of stupid.
Mom: And don't you fucking forget it!
–Battery Park City
Girl: No way! How do you know?
Guy: Because my roommate heard them having sex! Apparently, he screams like a girl.
–Union Square
Overheard by: MASHI
Bubbly 40-something tourist lady: So now you have a MetroCard!
Sullen silver-haired male companion: Why?
–Union Square
Extremely aggressive man, shouting and pointing at woman on cell: Do not! Ever! Refer to me as from fucking Baltimore! I fucking hate Baltimore!
–2nd Ave & 4th St
Female student, anxiously, to male friend: I don't know who they are, but I'm pretty sure I don't like 'em!
–Fordham University
Overheard by: eternal student
Flyer guy: Would you like to see a comedy..? Oh, it's you again! Why do you hate me?
–Times Square
Overheard by: Sara
Hobo to passers-by: Join the He-Man woman haters club! Free membership!
–Park Ave & 31st St
Little boy, pointing with disgust at picture of Jay Leno on hot drink sleeve: Is this George Washington? I hate him!
–Hot'n'Crusty, Upper West Side
30-something suit on cell: We live in an infinite universe. That means there are infinite possibilities. You are insignificant compared to the size of the universe. You mean absolutely fuck-all nothing, so get off your high horse and do what you're told.
–40th St & Madison Ave
Overheard by: Megan
Guy on cell: Dude, so how much more time do you have in Russia before you go into space?
–Ave A & 8th St
Overheard by: Daniella
Guy on cell: The subways are like the planets. Generally they're in their orbit, but you never know. (pause) Really? C'mon, Mars!
–Uptown C Train
Overheard by: furf
Three-year-old boy to adult family friend: I love you to outter space! Outter space goes upupupupup!
–West Village
Crazy man straddling bike: Goddamn! I can't believe I missed the last rocket ship to the moon! (in high-pitch voice) It's okay, man! There's another one in five minutes!
(back in normal voice) Okay, man, that's cool. Roger that.
–1st Ave & 1 St
Sales associate: They worked with NASA scientists. This is what the moon actually smells like.
–Home Fragrance Department, Bergdorf Goodman
Overheard by: Heather H.
Guy: Why didn't you just leave?
Woman: I wanted to wait for you, idiot.
Guy: But I said you could just go.
Woman: Whatever, dick. This is exactly why I didn't want to go.
Guy: This is why I asked you. Why do you always have to be like this?
Woman: Why did you fucking ask me if you knew I wouldn't want to go?
Guy: Because you're my wife, and that's my family. I just always thought that I could bring my wife to a family party.
Random passenger: Are you two really married? Is that really your wife?
Guy: Yes.
–LIRR, Penn Station
Drunk guy: First question! Who's having fun on Halloween?
Random guy in black mask: I'm having fun on Halloween!
Drunk guy: Second question! Who wants to see my cock?
(silence)
–N Train
Overheard by: Selina
