Girl #1 to group of friends: Wait, I'm confused. Who here is evil today?
Girl #2: Me.
Girl #1: Just you?
Girl #2: Yeah, it's Thursday.
Girl #1: Oh, yeah.
–Downtown Brooklyn
Overheard by: Sunny
Smoking NYU bro #1: Oh my god, dude! (pointing) Is that a new restaurant called Happy Hanukkah?
Smoking NYU bro #2: No, dude! That's a window with holiday decorations.
Smoking NYU bro #1, looking really sad: Oh.
–13th & 3rd
Overheard by: Charlotte
Thug on street: Hey, girl! You lookin' fine. I'm gonna do… things to you. Yup, lots of… things.
Thug friend: Like, what you gonna do to her?
Thug: Things, man. I said things.
–125th St & Morningside Ave
First grade teacher, leaving park after field trip: Okay everybody. (counts kids) Oh my god! Where's Kate?
First grade girl with glasses: She's having a breakdown.
–Near Trinity Day School Campus
Old queer on cell: Okay, well I'll be watching the Mets game, or the Jets game, whatever you call it… What do they call it when you men all sit together and can't talk?
–Broadway & 103rd St
Iranian tourist to street performer: We don't have a vote but we have a basketball team!
–Washington Square
Overheard by: RAR!
Subway conductor: This is the uptown "d" express train, making all express stops in Manhattan and The Bronx, including 161st Street, so the Yankees can host the Minnesota Twins. We'd like to welcome all Detroit Tigers fans riding with us–shame you couldn't bring your team.
–Uptown D Train
Female sports fan: A-Rod's back baby! Kate Hudson has a magic pussy!
–Pub, 45th & 3rd
Overheard by: Pub crawler
Teenage girl to group of attentive friends: If leprechauns could play basketball, they would.
–High School, Queens
Overheard by: Sunny
Drunk to Asian guy: Tell me, why is it that when Asians get in street fights, they never use their martial arts?
–1 Train
Overheard by: Fonvielle
Waiter: Please let me know if you have any food allergies. We ninjas don't like to kill by accident; we only kill on purpose.
–Ninja Japanese Restaurant
Little boy to grandfather: Hey grandpa, are you a black belt or any kind of ninja?
–Cobble Hill, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Jess
Health care worker: I'ma kill that ninja!
–Brooklyn Health Center
Guy #1: Are you sure you want to do this?
Guy #2: Yes.
Guy #1, very seriously: Okay. But it will have to be quick, painful and emotionless.
–35th St
Overheard by: Killingyourhamster?
Suit #1: So if he was so great, why did you break up with him?
Suit #2: He was apparently trying to build a consensus among my friends that he gives great head.
–Evolve Bar, E 58th St
Man #1: Got any good movies we could watch at your place?
Man #2: I've got a movie about Jews playing fiddles on their roofs or something. It's two films, it's fucking long, man, I never watched the whole thing.
–Uptown B Train
Overheard by: Tzeitel
