Wednesday One-Liners Got Game

Old queer on cell: Okay, well I'll be watching the Mets game, or the Jets game, whatever you call it… What do they call it when you men all sit together and can't talk?

–Broadway & 103rd St

Iranian tourist to street performer: We don't have a vote but we have a basketball team!

–Washington Square

Overheard by: RAR!

Subway conductor: This is the uptown "d" express train, making all express stops in Manhattan and The Bronx, including 161st Street, so the Yankees can host the Minnesota Twins. We'd like to welcome all Detroit Tigers fans riding with us–shame you couldn't bring your team.

–Uptown D Train

Female sports fan: A-Rod's back baby! Kate Hudson has a magic pussy!

–Pub, 45th & 3rd

Overheard by: Pub crawler

Teenage girl to group of attentive friends: If leprechauns could play basketball, they would.

–High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny

Posted on January 27, 2010
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Bars & Clubs, Compare/Contrast, Conductors, Fast Times at New York High, Foreigners, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Gender issues, Magic, Mets, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Names, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parks, Passengers, Politics, Public Transportation, Queens, Queer guys, Questions, Sports, Street, Teens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vagina, Vendors & Street Performers, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women, Words, Yankees

Wednesday One-Liners Kill You With Your Own Collarbone

Drunk to Asian guy: Tell me, why is it that when Asians get in street fights, they never use their martial arts?

–1 Train

Overheard by: Fonvielle

Waiter: Please let me know if you have any food allergies. We ninjas don't like to kill by accident; we only kill on purpose.

–Ninja Japanese Restaurant

Little boy to grandfather: Hey grandpa, are you a black belt or any kind of ninja?

–Cobble Hill, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Jess

Health care worker: I'ma kill that ninja!

–Brooklyn Health Center

Posted on January 27, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Baristas, Brooklyn, Clerks, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Ethnic Food, Families, Health and Hygiene, Hospitals, Kids, Murder, Offers and requests, Old People, On the Subway, One-liners, Questions, Race, Restaurants & Cafes, Threats, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Dude, You Kill Me

Guy #1: Are you sure you want to do this?
Guy #2: Yes.
Guy #1, very seriously: Okay. But it will have to be quick, painful and emotionless.

–35th St

Overheard by: Killingyourhamster?

Posted on January 26, 2010
Guys, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Questions, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Active Listening Can Be Very Persuasive

Suit #1: So if he was so great, why did you break up with him?
Suit #2: He was apparently trying to build a consensus among my friends that he gives great head.

–Evolve Bar, E 58th St

Posted on January 24, 2010
Bars & Clubs, BJs, Breaking Up, Infidelity, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Questions, Suits

Pantless

Guy: Did you just tell your mom to jam out with her clam out?
Girl: My mom is fuckin awesome, she does keg stands and shit.

–Metro North Rail

Overheard by: John

Posted on January 23, 2010
Girls, Guys, Parents, Questions, Sports, Trains Not Subway

The Best Part Is, He's Talking About Schindler's List

Man #1: Got any good movies we could watch at your place?
Man #2: I've got a movie about Jews playing fiddles on their roofs or something. It's two films, it's fucking long, man, I never watched the whole thing.

–Uptown B Train

Overheard by: Tzeitel

Posted on January 23, 2010
Judaism, Men, Movies, On the Subway, Questions

Thank God for Computers

Pilot to copilot: So do you fly these often?
Copilot: No.

–LaGuardia Airport

Posted on January 22, 2010
Airports, LaGuardia Airport, Pilots, Public Transportation, Questions

I Think That's Called Dishonorable Discharge

Ditzy bonde: So, like, you remember those two guys from the bar last night?
Sensible black chick: Yeah.
Ditzy bonde: I fucked 'em both! One after the other. Bam! Bam!
Sensible black chick: Jesus, Diane*! They wore condoms, riiight?
Ditzy bonde thoughtfully: Well, they were still dribbling out of me this morning… So no!

–Union Square Station

Overheard by: Bart Simpson's shudder

Posted on January 22, 2010
Black People, Condoms, Girls, Promiscuity, Questions, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Three is Company, Union Square and East Village, White People

Mom's Menu Has No Happy Ending Sundae

Tween: Mom, I'm so sorry. I don't know what I was thinking.
Mother: What are you?
Tween, starting to sob: Stupid.
Mother: What kind of stupid?
Tween: Ten flavors of stupid.
Mom: And don't you fucking forget it!

–Battery Park City

Posted on January 21, 2010
Battery Park, Insults, Moms, Parents, Questions, Stupidity, Tweens

Questions