Wednesday One-Liners Are the Stuff of Myth

Really pissed mom: And do you know what size unicorn they tried on her first? Medium.

–Macy's

Cafe employee, about pastries: Those look like fairy testicles.

–HopScotch Cafe

Overheard by: bildita

Guy yelling to passers-by: You're all materialistic, yuppie, vampire kings!

–W4th & Cornelia

Overheard by: greg

Man on cell: So Santa Claus will be there?

–Broadway & Wall St

Woman: When she was a newborn she looked exactly like Yoda, and then she grew up into Dopey.

–Penn Plaza

Five-year-old boy looking out of window: Ahh! I hate the sun! Vampires hate the sun!

–Q Train

Overheard by: LoRna

Posted on August 6, 2008
9 to 5-ers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Balls, Boys, Compare/Contrast, Holidays, Insults, Kids, Magic, Men, Moms, Movies, On Cell, On the Subway, Penn Station, Physical appearance, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Strangers, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Women

I'm So Angry My Hair Is Deflating

Conductor: This train doesn't go to Secaucus. You've got to get off at the next stop and wait for the train right behind this one.
Joisey wife: What??
Conductor: It's just one stop on the train right behind this one. (leaves)
Joisey wife: What did he say?
Joisey husband: It's one more stop, then it's Secaucus.
Joisey wife: No, he said we need to change trains or something.
Joisey husband: This is so damn confusing. We're never doing this again.

–Penn Station bound NJ Transit Train

Overheard by: Greg

Posted on August 5, 2008
Conductors, Couples, Default, Offers and requests, Penn Station, Public Transportation, Questions, Stupidity

I Told Her to Stop Dating Elephants

16-year-old girl #1: Did you hear about Mary?
16-year-old girl #2: What about her? Did she finally have her baby? It's been 14 months!
16-year-old girl #1: Nope, she's still pregnant, it's due any day now.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Rhonda

Posted on August 5, 2008
Default, Girls, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Teens, Time, Times Square, Weirdness

There's Really Only One Jersey Story, Anyway

Tourist teen #1: You know they made Jersey Boys into a movie?
Tourist teen #2: Really?
Tourist teen #1: Yeah, it was called Jersey Girl with Ben Affleck.

–Eugene O'Neill Theatre

Posted on August 5, 2008
About Celebrities, Default, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Movies, Questions, Stupidity, Teens, Theater, Theater & Dance, Tourists

Did You Try My “Spoon Full 'o Sugar” Trick?

Teen girl #1: How was your date last night?
Teen girl #2: I forgot how bad cum tasted until the end of the night.
Teen girl #1: So, well then!

–7th Ave, Brooklyn

Posted on August 4, 2008
Brooklyn, Cum, Default, Girls, Gripes, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Teens

“Nice Tool” Does Sound Gay by Comparison

(construction worker pulls out a new tool from the truck)
Worker #1: Where the fuck did you get that?
Worker #2: Fuckin' Home Depot!
Worker #3: That's fuckin' fancy!

–33rd St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Erin Flannery

Posted on August 4, 2008
Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compliments, Construction Guys, Coworkers, Default, Questions, Shopping, Words

They're Calling It the I-man-culate Conception

Excited woman #1: Oh my god, how's your brother?
Excited woman #2: He's doing great, he just gave birth!
Excited woman #1: (shrieking) congratulations!

–29th & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: voidoid

Posted on August 3, 2008
Default, Family Ties, Friends, Gender issues, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Weirdness, Women

Then You Probably Have No Interest in Playing Football

Little boy: Grandma, can I play football?
Grandma: I don't know about that, you have to talk to the coach.
Little boy: Grandma, can I play football if I get an F in school?
Grandma: No, you can't play if you get an F.
Little boy: But what if it's an F for “fabulous”?

–Nostrand Ave

Overheard by: aja

Posted on August 3, 2008
Boys, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Default, Education, Families, Kids, Questions, Sports, Wishes & desires, Words

Except the Occasional Baby

Loud man in motorcycle jacket to table of friends: I wear a wedding band on job interviews… Makes them think that I'm committed and responsible.
Chick: That's a good idea!
Loud man: I also wear it to the club, chicks dig a guy who can commit.
Chick: That's so true! But wait… You're not married?
Loud man: Nah, I just live with my baby's mama… We sleep in the same bed but nothing ever happens.

–Tony's Pier, City Island

Overheard by: Fulana Pepa

Posted on August 3, 2008
Babies, Compare/Contrast, Default, Girls, Lies, Men, Questions, Relationships, Restaurants & Cafes, The Bronx

King Lear Gets Foiled at Every Turn

(old man with granddaughters talking to young man next to him)
Old man: Do you think these girls are pretty?
Young man: Sure, they're pretty.
Old man: Should you like to go on a date with one of them?
Young man: I'm gay.

–4 Train

Overheard by: Brooklynisbetter

Posted on August 2, 2008
Beauty, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Dating, Default, Gays and Lesbians, Men, Offers and requests, Old People, On the Subway, Questions

Questions