Tourist: Are you Teddy Roosevelt?
Costumed interpretor: No…
Tourist: Can you be Teddy Roosevelt for the next five minutes?
–New York Historical Society, 77th & CPW
Overheard by: Miranda Morrison
Tourist: Are you Teddy Roosevelt?
Costumed interpretor: No…
Tourist: Can you be Teddy Roosevelt for the next five minutes?
–New York Historical Society, 77th & CPW
Overheard by: Miranda Morrison
Little girl: Hey mom, what's a cloister?
Little boy: It's a Pokemon, duh!
–1 Train
Overheard by: Melissa
Girl #1: So I guess oily skin isn't a bad thing.
Girl #2: What?
Girl #1: It makes you look young.
Girl #2: Why?
Girl #1: Have you ever seen a 75-year-old with a shiny face??
–M16 Bus
Guy: What about a trampoline?
Girl: Nah, it was more fun in a shopping cart.
–5th & Broadway
Chick on cell: We can’t let Blair and Tootie control our lives!
–LIRR
Overheard by: Poogins
Homeless crazy black guy to three scared white girls in their twenties: Time is crazy. Oh man, what time is "Desperate Housewives" on?!
–10th Street & 3rd Ave
Large latino: Yo, it was so good last night, I mean I can’t believe you missed it. It was the best episode I’ve seen yet, seriously bro… Well the main thing that happened was Heidi tried to apologize to LC and she was all like: "I wanna forget you!" I was like: "Whaaaaaat? For real?" It was crazy, you gotta catch it!
–Times Square Office Building
Overheard by: SUSAN
Redhead: The "Brady Bunch" world is a world without urges.
–Veniero’s, 11th St between 1st & 2nd
Overheard by: Ursula & Winifred
Muscular guy: He comes up to me talking all this shit, saying that he’ll bring it. Bring what? He’s not gangsta like I am, he ain’t thug like me. Skinny motherfucka looks like a damn burnt-out Screech.
–On the Bus
Fulsome girl with bad dye job: I’m like: "I watch ‘Law and Order: SVU’, I’m not getting in your van."
–15th between 6th and 7th
Overheard by: Disunionsquare
Aries Spears, in line for an Ashlee Simpson autograph: I’m the black guy from MADtv! [Grabs a random girl’s camera and snaps a picture of them together and walks away.]
–Virgin Mobile Mega Store, Times Square
Seven-year-old kid #1: Did you see pookie at school the other day?
Seven-year-old kid #2: Yeah, but I don't know… Her personality at school is all nice and shit, but have you seen her Facebook profile?! You can tell that bitch likes to fuck!
–Q Train
NYU journalism professor: Okay, so who invented the European letter press in the 15th century?
Attentive female student in the back: Jesus!
(TA giggles)
–NYU
Student #1: She’s from the Dominican Republic, right?
Student #2: Um, yeah, I think so.
Student #1: Is she classy…?
Student #2: Eh, not really, no. At the meeting the other day, she was wearing a skirt. I could see her cooch.
Student #3: [Just joining the conversation] What’s a cooch?
[Silence.]Student #1: Her vagina.
Student #2: Her forest. Except it was barren. There were no trees. Barren.
–Columbia University
Australian tourist: Excuse me, mate, do you know where Hooters is?
Guy: Yeah, go up to 56th, take a left. It’s between 7th and Broadway on the right.
Australian tourist: Thanks mate!
Guy to friend: Hey, I just got taken for a straight New Yorker.
–54th St & Madison
Overheard by: The other gay Bostonian
Guy waiting on passport line: I'd like an expedited passport.
Postal worker: Oooh! Going anywhere fun?
Guy: Florida.
–Post Office, Brooklyn Heights
Overheard by: BLSwhatwhat
