Wednesday One-Liners: The Forgotten Borough

Girl on cell: He's thinking of moving to Queens, and really I don't think we're going to be able to last through that.

–1 New York Plaza

Pretty 20-something on phone: So, I mean, I totally have a newfound appreciation for homicidal rages. Who the hell would ditch me for some ugly fag from Queens? Seriously, I should kill him. Or, just leave him in Queens…forever. Would that be a war crime?

–Wall Street

Overheard by: …I almost asked

30-something suit to another: I'll tell you though, it's not easy getting laid in Queens.

–Court St. & Montague

Overheard by: Kaiti

Enthusiastic, articulate conductor: As you can see, we're at the 21st Street stop! This is the first stop in Queens, soooo welcome to Queens! The next and final stop on this train is Courthouse Square. Now that we all know, let's be on our way!

–G Train

Overheard by: I wish this guy narrated all of my subway trips

Girl's in Queens for the first time: you can order milkshakes and cigarettes from the diner any time of night? This place is a fucking wonderland!

–Queens

Posted on February 15, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Beauty, Breaking Up, Brooklyn, Conductors, Crime and Punishment, Directions, Drinks, Getting Jolie'd, Girls, Happiness, Murder, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Public Transportation, Queens, Questions, Relationships, Sex, Smoking, Suits, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, War, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

How Many Danger Signs Can You Find?

Blonde: Yeah, so I talked to him on the phone about three weeks ago, and he was saying how we haven’t chilled ’cause he’s been in and out of court… I don’t know. I wish he’d call.
Brunette: Hey, maybe he’s in jail.
Blonde: Damn… I still didn’t get my lighter back!

–Park Slope

Posted on February 14, 2015
Bimbettes, Friends, Girls, Park Slope, Prison, Promiscuity, Relationships, Stupidity, Wishes & desires

A Big Mac Truck

Girl #1: Ever notice how tightly girls hold onto their boyfriends when they are walking through Chelsea?
Girl #2: Right? It’s like they’re afraid he’s going to run out into traffic and get hit by a truck.

–17th & 8th

Posted on February 13, 2015
Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Dating, Death, History & Geography, Manhattan, NYC Geography, Relationships, Sex & Relationships

He Was Lying on a Nearby Rooftop in a Black Ski Mask

Ghetto girl #1: Girl, was he there when you got shot in the ass?
Ghetto girl #2: No!
Ghetto girl #1: Well, was he there when you got shot in the leg?
Ghetto girl #2: No.

–28th & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Wasn’t there either

Posted on February 13, 2015
Drive-by (shooting), Ghetto Chicks, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Relationships, Talking/Convos

Nobody Says “Flip-Flops” Since Kerry Lost the Election

Guy: I would literally sell a toe right now to have someone do this paper for me. Any toe. Literally, any one.
Girl: Really? Any one? Even the big one? ‘Cause then you couldn’t wear thong sandals… Or have a girlfriend.
Guy: Fuck that. I want to wear thong sandals.

–Columbia University

Posted on February 11, 2015
Body Parts, Columbia (& Barnard), Relationships, Students

Every Minute You Spend at Home Becomes the Walk of Shame

Tall brunette: I wasn’t thaaaat drunk.
Shorter blonde: You fucked your roommate!

–6th b/w 1st & A

Overheard by: laughing

Posted on February 8, 2015
Comebacks, Default, Drinking & Drunk People, Friends, Girls, Relationships, Sex, Union Square and East Village

Their Suicides Are Getting Increasingly Trifling

NYU Girl #1: Meanwhile, my boyfriend is being a huge prick.
NYU Girl #2: Meanwhile, you’re sleeping with a guy on your hall.

–Washington Square Park

Posted on February 8, 2015
Girls, Infidelity, Lower Manhattan, Parks, Relationships, Students

A Gangsta Paradise of Wednesday One-Liners

Thug: Last I heard, he was being charged with some serious shit — accessory to kidnapping, accessory to rape… That’s why you can’t hang out with niggas that’s in love.

–Q19A bus

Overheard by: A White Bear

Thug referencing billboard of The Librarian: Return to King Solomon’s Mines: Yo, that’s an action flick ’bout the Dewey Decimal system!

–49th & Broadway

Overheard by: Nikki W

Thug on cell: Whatchoo mean, it ‘wasn’t a successful relationship’? I stuck it in her butt 14 times! That’s what I call a successful relationship.

–12th St & 4th Ave

Thug teen with sideways ball cap and pants around his knees: It’s like she tryin’ to be fashionable, but it just ain’t workin’, yo!

–34th St & 7th Ave

Overheard by: knows better than to wear hats sideways

Young thug to friends: She makes me all romantic… Like, I want to fuck her under the stars and shit.

–Grand & Broadway

Overheard by: Ramona

Thug reading High Times: Shit! I did not just miss my stop again!

–6 train

Overheard by: HelloClairice

Posted on February 7, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Backdoor, On Cell, Relationships, Thugs

“Hole foods?”

Guy #1: So I had my colonoscopy Tuesday. It was like I lost an hour out of my life.
Guy #2: What do you mean?
Guy #1: Oh that stuff they give you to make you sleepy. It gives you
amnesia or something.
Guy #2: That’s messed up.
Guy #1: So my girlfriend tells me afterwords like five times that they removed a polyp and that they think it could be pre-cancerous. I won’t know until next week or something.
Guy #2: So where do you want to get lunch?

–Wall between Pearl & Hanover

Overheard by: Barb Ordell

Posted on February 6, 2015
Food, Health and Hygiene, Manhattan, Poop, Relationships, Sex & Relationships, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

Relationships