Girl #1: You know who is really cute? That kid… I don’t know his name…
Girl #2: Which one?
Girl #1: Oh, you know, the one with the hat…
Girl #2: Oh, Max!
Girl #1: Yeah, him. I really want a boyfriend. He’s really cute.
Girl #2: Yeah, he is, too bad I already have one.
–F Train
Overheard by: That kid, you know, the one with the hat
NYU girl to friend: I mean, I hate him and it’s making my hair fall out but I think our relationship really works.
–Whole Foods, Union Square
Man to friend: She wanted to go to dinner on some kind of date shit. I wanna bring her to a bar and fuck her in the bathroom.
–G Train
Overheard by: Sarah
Fat chick to friends: I don’t know. He moved. We weren’t serious, you know? I mean how can you be serious with a man who wanted to move to an Indian reservation? (friends nod in approval) I mean why would you want to move to an Indian reservation anyway? It’s like the projects… but in camp.
–Casa Mono
Overheard by: foodie
Girl on cell: Oh, so you really like this one. (pause) That’s cool, where did he take you? (pause) Wow, he must be balling! That place is mad expensive, yo. (pause) What did you say his name was again? (pause, then hysterical laughing) Girl, I can’t take anyone named Skip-to-my-Lou seriously!
–32nd St & 5th Ave
Boyfriend to girlfriend: Well, if I get sick of you I’ll just find someone else!
–Movie Theater, 32nd & 8th
Overheard by: Happy I’m not his girlfriend.
Guy on train: Ladies and gentlemen, can I have your attention? Sorry for bothering you, but I’ve been single for a year, and that shit’s not popping… So, any donations of phone numbers, e-mail addresses, or MySpace pages would be greatly appreciated. Thank you and may god bless.
–C Train
Overheard by: gretchen
Very drunk, seemingly homeless man with cane (to entire car): Merry Christmas, happy Hannukah, everyone!
(everyone in car stares)
Drunk man: I’m not homeless, I’m just very drunk. I got a woman at home who ain’t got no job and I keep telling her, bitch, get outta my house and get a job!
–6 Train
Overheard by: Melissa Sills
Man #1: She bitched at me this morning because we haven’t had sex in over a week.
Man #2: They don’t understand that we can’t turn it on anytime they want it.
Man #1: Face it. We have to get gassed up, start the ignition and drive. All they have to do is open the garage door.
–113th & Broadway
Overheard by: John Strybos
Woman: So, how is your relationship?
Man: Well, my relationship is kind of like cigarettes for you. It’s not so good for you but you kind of need something to put in your mouth.
–Caravan of Dreams, 6th St b/w 1st Ave & Ave A
Overheard by: Stoop
Girl to friend: That’s because my heart is filled with hate and yours is filled with kittens.
–Something Else, Park Slope
Overheard by: jayloo
White guy: Well, if Kate* was my soulmate I wouldn’t hate having sex with her so much.
–W 57th & 11th
Well-dressed man to self, after making meowing noises: I hate my ex, I hate that fucking bitch! I’m going to stick a tennis ball in her muffler!
–Bleecker & Broadway
Teen girl to friends: And she, like, gave me an 88%. I can’t fucking believe her! I can’t even hate her, right? If she’d just failed me like usual, I could hate her. But she gave me a freaking 88%.
–Astoria-Bound N Train
Overheard by: Ben
Sad 30-something: My boyfriend’s mother hates me. She hates me because I’m out of work … And I shoot up in her house.
–7th Ave & 9th street, Park Slope
Drunk angry girl on cell: Answer the damn phone, you bastard! Answer the phone! I hate you! I love you! Call me.
–Port Washington Train
Flamboyant NYU guy: Oh my gosh! I haven’t seen you in so long!
Ditzy NYU girl: I know, right? Oh my god!
Flamboyant NYU guy: This is, like, so weird! I was just thinking about you!
Ditzy NYU girl: Aw, cute! When?
Flamboyant NYU guy: I was all alone at home on Friday night and feeling really depressed and then I realized you probably didn’t have any plans either! That made me feel better!
Ditzy NYU girl: Hah… Wait, what?
–W. 4th & Greene St
Overheard by: jon
Asian guy to girlfriend: That’s the best part about being in a relationship.
White girlfriend: Sandwiches?
Asian guy: Always having an extra pair of hands.
–49th St Station
Overheard by: missalicious
Guy: See you!
Girl: See you!
Guy: I love you!
Girl: You are killing me.
Guy: I ought to kill you.
Girl: What?!
–34th Street Station, B Line
Girl #1: So, you didn’t go to the show?
Girl #2: Hell no.
Girl #1: My boyfriend tried to make me go.
Girl #2: Why would I want to go? I’ve slept with like, everyone there. Like I need to see a close up of all of the STDs I’ve narrowly avoided?
–Double Down, Houston & A
