Queer #1: Atreyu or Bastian?
Queer #2: Eww. No. They’re kids.
Queer #1: It’s not real. Atreyu or Bastian?
Queer #2: Falcor.
Queer #1: You and your hairy guys.
Woman: I want you guys to know I just realized why I didn’t sit at the popular table in the middle school lunch room.
–Pax Deli, 36th & Broadway
Overheard by: Matthew K. Johnson
Conservatively-Dressed guy: So my fingers are covered with little box-cutter cuts, which means I can’t go shoving them into the places that I used to. Now I might catch something.
–Brooklyn bound L train
Tourist: I want to have sex. I’m old enough!
–Outside Cold Stone Creamery, 42nd St
20-Something frat boy: Ya know, something tells me my wife hasn’t even been born yet…
–6 train, Astor Place
Overheard by: Al
Young woman: If I were a pedophile, I would be the best pedophile ever because nobody would suspect me!
–6 train
Overheard by: Innocent bystander
Man, trying on glasses: No, these make me look like a pedophile.
–9th Street Optical, 9th St between 5th & 6th, Brooklyn
Chick on cell: Yes, I got fired at my job! Yes, I got fired at Barely Legal! I got tired of playing Twister in my pajamas.
–Airplane, LaGuardia Tarmac
Overheard by: Judy
Ghetto guy: She know she got a man, but she’ll still gimme some. She know that!
–7 train
Young woman, screaming at young man: I dare you to fuck someone else again! I dare you!… You better not fuck anyone else! You better not!
–Hoyt-Schermerhorn station, Brooklyn
Queer on cell: Since when has your gaping hole decided to be faithful to your boyfriend?
–Union Square
Overheard by: Keith
Walking VD: When I first met you seven months ago I was kinda in another relationship. But now that that’s over, wanna get back in bed?
–32nd & 7th
Cop: So I’m fucking his wife for 6 years, and now he complains!
–238th & Broadway
Overheard by: Miriam
Overweight hobo: The only things I look forward to in life are mayonnaise and sex!
–57th & 7th
Woman on cell: When sex turns into math, you’ve got trouble on your hands.
–Union Square
Overheard by: McFreaky
Chick, screaming into cell: What a bitch! I swear, it’s getting harder and harder to fuck your co-worker and get away without people finding out!
–JFK
Overheard by: Pixie
Realist on cell: Well you can’t expect every guy you sleep with to call you back.
–53rd & 6th
Man to female date: So, basically, you sleep with people out of hilarity?
–St Mark’s & 2nd
Overheard by: Diane
Business woman: No, I told her I’d rather have sex with my husband than buy her products. And then she hung up on me.
–Chipotle, 22nd & 6th
Little girl, watching one dog hump another: Mommy, you missed it! One of the dogs was giving the other one a piggyback ride!
–Dog run, Madison Square Park
College kid #1: God, that girl over there’s hot!
College kid #2: Dude, you need to stop being so obsessed with chicks with tattoos. I fucked a girl with a tattoo, and it was pretty unpleasant.
College kid #1: That’s because she was 48 years old and a grandmother…[To entire train] Did everyone hear that? A grandmother!
–L train
Overheard by: Zak Santucci
Long Island girl #1: Yeah, I totally thought that he was into the whole making me cum first thing.
Long Island girl #2: What happened?
Long Island girl #1: I bought “Her Pleasure” condoms, and he threw a hissy fit.
–A train
Bartender: Yeah, I like to tell people I’m a rapist.
Patron chick: A rapist? Why?
Bartender: Well, just statutory rape.
Patron chick: Yeah, there’s no such thing as bad statutory rape.
–Croxley’s Ale, Ave B between 2nd & 3rd
Girl: Oh that dude? He was so bangable!
Guy: Don’t say that. You’re ten.
Girl: Eleven!
–Uptown 1 train
Overheard by: LaurenAH
