College kid #1: God, that girl over there’s hot!
College kid #2: Dude, you need to stop being so obsessed with chicks with tattoos. I fucked a girl with a tattoo, and it was pretty unpleasant.
College kid #1: That’s because she was 48 years old and a grandmother…[To entire train] Did everyone hear that? A grandmother!
–L train
Overheard by: Zak Santucci
Long Island girl #1: Yeah, I totally thought that he was into the whole making me cum first thing.
Long Island girl #2: What happened?
Long Island girl #1: I bought “Her Pleasure” condoms, and he threw a hissy fit.
–A train
Bartender: Yeah, I like to tell people I’m a rapist.
Patron chick: A rapist? Why?
Bartender: Well, just statutory rape.
Patron chick: Yeah, there’s no such thing as bad statutory rape.
–Croxley’s Ale, Ave B between 2nd & 3rd
Girl: Oh that dude? He was so bangable!
Guy: Don’t say that. You’re ten.
Girl: Eleven!
–Uptown 1 train
Overheard by: LaurenAH
Girl #1: Yeah, there’s fucking nothing worse than seeing your parents have sex.
Girl #2: Your grandparents having sex, dude.
Girl #1: Or, like, two really, really fat people.
–R train
Stranger, to young business woman: Can I spank you?
–42nd St & 5th Ave
Gay co-worker, to female employee: Put your hands on the desk and assume the position.
–Office, midtown
Overheard by: Ariella Pink
Girl: If I have to, I’ll pull down my pants and spank myself.
–Cilantro, 89th & 2nd
Overheard by: Jules
Woman on cell: I mean, he’s my kid, and everyone is curious, and if he’s going to experiment let him. But I told this guy, “You cannot be the experiment with my son!”…I know, he thinks he’s going to grow up to be a rapist!
–Hunter College
Overheard by: Collegiate Cutie
Queer: Then we went underneath the staircase and fooled around. And then he grabbed my head, pulled it down, and licked my bald spot!
–El Cocotero, 18th St between 7th and 8th
Tween girl: Aww, no, he did not just pee on me!
–54th & 11th
Overheard by: office peon
Man on cell: Natalie? Nat, if you’re there, pick up! Oh my God, I just hooked up with a guy whose house smelled like cat pee, and he wanted me to spit in his face! Where the fuck are you?
–52nd & 2nd
Queer: What? I’m not the one who had sex with the chicken cutlet.
–83rd & Madison
Twink on cell: We met on the train…No, he’s a bottom…I don’t think I can have this conversation here right now. You’re making me feel awkward.
–Rite Aid, 22nd & 9th
British girl on cell: Hmm, there’s no answer. She must be whipping now.
–47th & 9th
Overheard by: Anthony
Pregnant girl: I like it when he hits me. You know, I hit him just so he could hit me back. I like it rough.
–Downtown A train
Chick on cell: She just told me a story about someone waking up with a dildo in her mouth. You need to meet this girl!
–125th & Broadway
Overheard by: McF
Customer to waitress: And then you have bestiality with a man and a sheep, and the sheep is the clear victim…
–Santa Fe Steakhouse, 70th Road, Forest Hills
Overheard by: Dining out
Brunette: What would make you think that I would like getting hit in the face with your cock?
–St. John’s & 7th, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Cowboy
Girl: It smells like blasphemy!
–Madison Square Park
Overheard by: I only smelled mulch
Tattooed chick: It’s Christa. You remember, Christ with an A, because I’m so fucking godlike.
–8th & A
Overheard by: Meredith
Guy: She looks like the female version of Dave, which is a bit disconcerting to me…He looks like traditional representations of Jesus.
–Manhattan bound L train
Overheard by: Philip
Guy: Me and Jesus don’t get along.
–W 30th, between 7th & 8th
Overheard by: Maggie
Femme on cell: So, like, our periods stopped at the same time for two hours so we could have sex and I was like, God loves me. Jesus was clearly gay.
–103rd & Broadway
Middle-Aged lady: Yeah, you can’t go switchin’ churches like that. That’s too many different spirits. You’ll be dealin’ with demons and stuff.
–F train
Overheard by: Yanni
College guy: No, really, dude. The guy’s a full-time, licensed exorcist!
–W 4th St A/C/E uptown platform
Overheard by: EJ
Muscular dude: I am devoted to crack but not to Christ! Please explain that to me. I’m a good crackhead, but I ain’t a good Christian!
–Downtown 1 train
Street vendor: NYU students, you gotta love them. They be going through hell and jumping out of windows and shit.
–Spring & Broadway
Wistful girl: I was thinking about that guy I used to hook up with all the time, and it really makes me sad for what I’m missing.
Practical girl: What, AIDS?
–Grand Central
Person #1: So, what’s the third state in the tri-state area? I know: New Jersey…Certainly New York. Is it Connecticut?
Person #2: You never hear about a bi-state area.
Person #1: What about Nicaragua. Didn’t you have sex with both a girl and a boy there?
Person #2: I don’t think the country of Nicaragua bases its sense of identity on my sexual exploits.
Person #1: Is Long Island a state?
–9th & Ave A
