Girlfriend, to boyfriend walking out of the bathroom: Did you wash your hands? [Takes his hand] Ew! No, you didn’t!
Boyfriend: You put it in your mouth. I think I’ll be all right to touch it every once in awhile.
–Grand Central
Overheard by: Clay Parrish
Woman: My name is Mrs. Williams*, and I am selling stuffed animals for the Happy Family organization. We believe in the sanctity of family and abstinence before marriage.
Queer: You’re talking to the wrong people.
Woman: Oh, you’re college students. I thought you were a Christian youth group or something.
–23rd & 5th
Overheard by: Brian R
Late-20’s professional #1: Aw, I miss being a ho-bag.
Late-20’s professional #2: I know, me too. And I was so good at it!
–Starbucks, Broadway & Barclay
Overheard by: Sarah Vanderbilt
Guy: She’s just a friend I fuck. And she has a boyfriend.
Girl: Who sleeps with prostitutes who give him genital warts.
Guy: Shhhh.
–Astoria-bound N train
Overheard by: effie
Little boy, to passerby: That’s why I ejaculated in your mom’s nose!
–Prospect Park, Brooklyn
Chick: See, I don’t like the idea of drinking semen not directly from the cock.
–Harlem
Overheard by: McN
Teen boy: I swear, I’m going to ejaculate on your countenance.
Teen girl: Dude, what the fuck?
–Central Park
Overheard by: notgoingtoask
Guy: My brother tried to fuck my girlfriend once, and she still hates him for it! Some girls have no sense of humor.
–44th & 8th
South Bronx gangster #1: Yo, damn, look at that Asian girl, son!
South Bronx gangster #2: You ever been with an Asian girl?
Gangster #1: Nah, son, you?
Gangster #2: Nah, yo, but I heard them pussies is sideways!
Gangster #1: What?! Sideways?!
Gangster #2: Yeah, son, sideways. They pussies is siiiideways!
Gangster #1: Shit, I gotta try and get with one now.
–the Bronx
Overheard by: Scullface
Woman, yelling to man: Look, you give me crack and I smoke it and we fuck. That’s what we do.
–130th, between Lenox and 5th
Overheard by: Juany
Queer on cell: At least have the decency to suck dick for coke!
–10th & Ave A
Small child: I feel so dirty.
–sand box, Prospect Park
Overheard by: braincurve
Guy: You’ll never even see a vagina in your life. I can at least pay for it.
–53rd & 8th
Overheard by: Jess McGins
Girl: Whatever, it’s disgusting. I mean, you can cum in my butt but not in my vag.
–Q train
Woman: I have sex in my vagina, not in my bottom!
–Prospect Park
