Wednesday Om-Liners

Earth chick on cell: I had meditation and yoga class today. So, if you're coming over tonight we have to have spiritual sex.

–Barnes & Noble

Guy on cell: You're never going to believe this, but I need to tell you anyways. I just did some witchcraft.

–9th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Smoking Student

Yoga teacher: Not being able to do something can teach you a lot about yourself. Like how you're a fucking loser.

–Midtown

Rich white girl with dog in purse: Yeah, so when I went to go buy a dog, I picked Pookie out because he's a Pisces and I'm a Virgo, and that way our personalities will match.

–C Train

Overheard by: evan

White dude to another: I'd like to see what his chi looks like.

–Chinatown

Overheard by: Aileen

Posted on January 21, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Chinatown, Girls, Guys, Insults, Magic, Man's Best Friend, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Psychology, Rich people, School and studying, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Shopping, Store, Street, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, White People, Wishes & desires, Yoga

This “Winner” Sure Got Some Prize

Little boy: No, I want them both! Mommy, you’re a loser!
Mommy: Are you calling Mommy a loser? Well, then you’re not getting
anything.
Little boy: No, I’m calling you a winner now! I love you!

–Toys “R” Us, Times Square

Overheard by: lindsey Lanpher

Posted on January 20, 2015
Boys, Kids, Lies, Moms, Shopping, Store

Wednesday One-liners, Cell Phones

Big black woman: …and they had a white one and a black one, and the white one was 45.99 and the black one was 52.99, so I bought the black one. Cause it was black…

–Best Buy, 23rd St.

Overheard by: Trouble

Guy on cell: Oh yeah? Well, check this out: I don’t care that I’m not invited to your wedding, because you’re fired!

–West 94th St & Amsterdam

Posted on January 15, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Jobs & Careers, Marriage, Money & Class, On Cell, Race, Shopping, Store, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Please Stand Behind the White Line While the Wednesday One-Liner Is in Motion

Bus driver, just before departing for Boston: Peace, love, and if no one's said it to you today, I love you.

–34th & 8th

Overheard by: Nina

Bus driver: Hello? Can you hear me? Can you hear me? If so, you're too close to the front. Move to the back of the bus, back of the bus…I'll be here til 2 in the morning, I have plenty of time.

–M86 Bus

Overheard by: urbanadventurer

MTA bus driver to woman with a kid: Excuse me, you have to pay for your kid to ride this train. See the line where your hand is? If he is shorter than that line, then he doesn't have to pay. But he is taller, and he has to pay. (woman and kid walk off bus, now he addresses passengers) But on a lighter note, happy New Year.

–M86 Train

Overheard by: Melissa

Bus driver of crowded bus: This is Madison avenue. Get off! I mean…watch your step.

–Bus, 86th St

Overheard by: Michael

Bus driver: This is the last stop, Queens Center. If you are going shopping today, I hope you find everything you are looking for. Also, please be nice to the salespeople. It's not easy dealing with people day after day. I should know, I'm a bus driver.

–Q88 Bus

Overheard by: Jenn

Posted on January 10, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bus Drivers, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Directions, Height, Jobs & Careers, Kids, Love, Money & Class, On the Bus, One-liners, Parents, Passengers, Public Transportation, Questions, Shopping, Time, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

That’s the Part Who God Listens To

Teen girl #1: Cashmere is God’s gift to the human race!
Teen girl #2: Well, the part of the human race that can afford it.

–Macy’s, West 34th Street

Posted on December 26, 2014
Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Fashion, Money & Class, People, Religion, Shopping, Teens

I Never Said I Liked It

20-something girl #1, pointing out red dress: What about this? This is cute.
20-something girl #2, after quick look: Ugh! No! I don't like red!
20-something girl #1: Ummm… You bought something red earlier today.
20-something girl #2: Yeah, and?

–Bloomingdale's, 59th St

Overheard by: Rachel

Posted on December 22, 2014
Beauty, Clothing, Colors, Girls, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Shopping, Store, Stupidity

Worst. Slave Girl. Ever.

Girl #1, applying for passport at window: Go get in line over there and get me some stamps.
Girl #2: What?
Girl #1: A book of stamps! Get me some stamps. And it had better not be over $20.
Girl #2: What if they have lotsa kinds of stamps? Like, which one should I get?
(girl #1 stares blank)
Girl #2: I don't buy stamps.
Girl #1: This isn't a library! Get a freaking book of stamps!

–Post Office, 42nd St

Posted on December 16, 2014
For Sale, Girls, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Offers and requests, Post Office, Shopping

You Can’t Fix Everything with Explosives

Old guy browsing power tools: What about a bomb?
Buddy: A bomb? … We already talked about that.

–Home Depot, 23rd St

Overheard by: Benjamin

Posted on December 14, 2014
Friends, Guys, Old People, Questions, Shopping, Store, Time

At the Very Least That Dog’s Pretty Smart

A blind woman and her dog are making their way into a Duane Reade through the “Out” door, with difficulty to keep the door open. Behind them is a WASP lady, waiting to get in.

Blind woman: Good, good, now make a hard left, to the counter, to the counter.
WASP lady: Idiots.

–74th & 3rd

Posted on December 10, 2014
Assholes, Directions, Handicaps, Insults, Man's Best Friend, Retards & Handicaps, Shopping, Stupidity, Upper East Side, Women

Shopping