Crotchless Wednesday One-Liners

Woman on cell: This is the same girl who has G-strings where her forks and knives should go.

–2nd St & Ave B

Salesgirl: Do you want your boobies up or down?

–Victoria’s Secret, Manhattan Mall

Overheard by: Linda

Woman: I told Terrence not to pack that stuff in my carry-on. Security threw out all my Victoria Secrets!

–Starbucks, La Guardia airport

Overheard by: Allears

Girl: Only fat girls and porn stars wear Ds. I want to be a C!

–Victoria’s Secret, 57th St

Man: Do you want to get some maternity underwear to make you feel sexy?

–Greene St & Prince St

Overheard by: deadzebra

Man: Are you a Jehovah’s Witness? ‘Cause I don’t want you comin’ to my house unless you’re going to drop your panties!

–PATH train

Overheard by: blkgirl

Girl on cell: Dad? Hi. I just bought a lot of panties at Victoria’s Secret. Can you reimburse me? Dad?

–Broadway & Prince St

Overheard by: djingo

Posted on April 21, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Assholes, Bimbettes, Cashiers, Clothing, Creepsters, Customers, Insults, LaGuardia Airport, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, Parents, Porn, Rack, Religion, Shopping, Soho, Starbucks, Store, Stupidity, Trains Not Subway, Travel, Union Square and East Village

It Was Either That, or Work the Weekend

Young gay guy, crying: But I love you, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you.
Old gay guy: They why did I catch you with Robert*'s dick in your mouth?
Young gay guy: Well, he is my boss…

–Soho Grand Hotel

Posted on April 20, 2015
BJs, Gays and Lesbians, Hotels, Love, Office politics, Old People, Penis, Queer guys, Soho, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

I think the Sincere Thing to Do Would Be to Get Plastic Surgery

Teen bimbette #1: Oh my God, she is like my idol!
Teen bimbette #2: I know right, mine too!
Teen bimbette #1: Oh my God! We should totally dress like her!

–Soho

Overheard by: rachel whited

Posted on April 17, 2015
Bimbettes, Fashion, Soho

There's a Reason “Stooges” and “Splooges” Sound So Alike

Suit #1: What are you doing this weekend?
Suit #2: I think I'm going to go jet skiing. Wanna go jet skiing?
Suit #1: Yeah sure, I'll go.
Suit #2 (answers phone): Yeah, I'm going jet skiing this weekend. Do you wanna come? Yeah, I'm going with Steve*. (pause) No, three dudes on a jet ski isn't gay. (turns to friend) Is it?
Suit #1: Two dudes is questionable, but three is definitely gay.

–Broome Street Bar

Posted on April 15, 2015
Bars & Clubs, Compare/Contrast, Default, Gays and Lesbians, Leisure, Offers and requests, Questions, Soho, Sports, Suits

No, but Keep Talking

Mook #1: We should get some eight balls.
Mook #2: Ape balls? Like gorilla balls?

–Mulberry & Spring

Posted on April 8, 2015
Advice, Animals & Nature, Balls, Creepsters, Frat Boys, Nicknames & name calling, Soho, Stupidity, Talking/Convos, Teens

Just Means I Won't Give You This Exploding Apple

Crazy hobo, looking up from intense argument with imaginary friend: Excuse me, sir!
Confused suit: Uh, yeah?
Crazy hobo: What kind of teacher are you?
Confused suit: Teacher?
Crazy hobo: Yes, what subject do you teach?
Confused suit: But, um, I'm not a teacher…
Crazy hobo: Oh. Well, that's alright. Don't think I was criticizing you. I guess it's alright if you're not a teacher. I wasn't insulting you!

–6th & Spring

Overheard by: Heather

Posted on April 6, 2015
Crazies, Hobos, Insults, Questions, School and studying, Soho, Suits

Hairy, and His Lips Are Always Flapping

Five-year-old son: Why does everybody call Daddy a pussy? And what is that?
Mother: Daddy is the definition of a pussy.

–Prada store, Soho

Overheard by: Sandra Dittmeyer Hunter Jones

Posted on April 5, 2015
Insults, Kids, Soho, Words

Is There a Secret Spell Which Causes It to Emerge?

Male European tourist: Excuse me, where can we find the subway?
New Yorker: Which subway do you want?
Female European tourist: The one that is on this corner.

–Broadway & Houston

Posted on March 25, 2015
Directions, Eurotrash, NYC Geography, Public Transportation, Questions, Soho, Tourism, Tourists

If Anything, Lassie is a Trannie

A big crazy man walking his dog says: So whadda ya wanna do? You wanna watch Lassie? Or how ’bout Rin Tin Tin? Or whadda ’bout da Little Rascals?…Hmm…OK…Yeah, you’re right, let’s not watch dat. Lassie is a fucking lesbian and Rin Tin Tin is a fag.

–Sullivan Street

Overheard by: Brock