Sanitation worker #1: Man, I can't believe she broke it off after all I did for her.
Sanitation worker #2: Seriously! Them women are so ungrateful.
Sanitation worker #1: I put so much into that relationship, and bought her all this shit, and all I'm left with is crabs.
–Houston & Greene
Overheard by: office peon
Guy #1: Bro, you're like a walking STD.
Guy #2: Dude, the clap doesn't count. Who hasn't had the clap?
–The Ginger Man
Overheard by: John
Girl, scratching her arm: I have a bug bite; it itches.
Guy: You think that's bad? I have a genital wart.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Fox
Middle school geography teacher: What do we rely on the ocean for?
Student, excitedly waving hand in the air: Crabs! The ocean gives me crabs!
Teacher, choking back a laugh: Maybe you should just say the ocean gives you fish…
–Flushing, Queens
Overheard by: I've never gotten crabs from an ocean
Ghetto girl: So I used his razor to shave my armpits and he got all pissed talkin' bout germs and shit. I told him, “with all the humpin' we's been doin' I think I'm the one who needs to be worried about germs with all your STDs!”
Ghetto friend: Word.
–6 Train
Girl swimming in the Hudson River: I'm afraid if I take a pee, I'll get a venereal disease!
–Hudson River & 26th St
Overheard by: Nellie
(student #1 loudly hacks up a lung, while everyone else turns around in horror)
Student #2: Whoa, what do you have, chlamydia or something?
–11th Grade English Classroom, Bushwick
Overheard by: The Teacher
Angry drunk man to bemused drunk woman: I don't wanna fuck you, okay? I'm just saying I don't have genital warts!
–Ave A & Houston
Groaning guy on corner: I really don't want crabs…
–53rd & 6th
20-something woman: Everybody has issues. They're like herpes one.
–St. Mark's
Overheard by: Ursula & Winifred
Girl to friend: You mean the labia? No, that's a vagina part.
–13th & Ave B
Overheard by: Caroline
Woman to friend, in line for bathroom: I'm taking that medication that makes it really dry, again.
–Ethel Barrymore Theater
Overheard by: Crumb Doughnut
Cornelius, crazy hobo: Yo' pussy looks betta' than yo' face!
–Madison Square Park
Overheard by: Lily London & China Rose
Monotone suit on cell: That pussy better be ready by the time I get home.
–Houston & Broadway
Girl on cell waiting for Port Jefferson train: Okay, be serious for a second, how do you know if you're allergic to latex, though? Really, cause dead honest, it's a puffed mushroom right now. I don't know what to do. Should I go see someone, do you think Henry would notice? Really, what if I turn off the lights?
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Chester
Chick #1: You could always go to a beauty school. It's cheaper.
Chick #2: No way, I swore off schools. My friend went to one, and got herpes of the eye. Someone got a bikini wax, and then they used the same dipper thing on her eye.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Helena
Patient: I think my boyfriend and I have contracted either gonorrhea or chlamydia.
Doctor: What makes you say that?
Patient: Well, he's having kind of a pussy discharge from his penis and a burning sensation when he urinates.
Doctor: And what symptoms have you been having?
Patient: Well, I've had a sore throat…
–NYU Medical Center
Overheard by: The nurse who just had to hear this story…
9th grade girl #1: Yo, this shit is mad boring. This school's a damn waste of ma time. Plus, it's grimy and nasty, all the girls have that thing that begins with a “c,” what's it called?
9th grade girl #2: Cooties?
9th grade girl #1: Nah.
9th grade girl #2: Chlamydia?
9th grade girl #1: Yeah, that's it! That shit is annoying.
–M86 Bus
