Stoners

Asian stoner #1: He was whitish. Wait, no, he was white. He and his brother both smoke pot and his parents do too. They even smoke together some times.
Asian stoner #2: So they, like, smoke together and stuff?
Asian stoner #1: Yeah, it's a good way to save money.

–B6, Brooklyn

Overheard by: laughing to himself

Meth addict #1: So… What kind of work you in?
Young woman, holding up name tag which says ‘social worker’: Social Work.
Meth addict #2: Where do you work?
Young woman: Planned parenthood
Meth addict #1: Shit. Can you find her kid? They got him in foster care.
Young woman: No, sorry. I don’t work for child services. Contact your county officials and explain your situation to them.
Meth addict #2: Yeah I don’t know where he is at. Can you get him?
Young woman: I work at Planned Parenthood. Sorry.
Meth addict #2: Just ’cause you’re pretty you can’t treat people like shit.
Young woman: Just because you do drugs doesn’t mean you shouldn’t brush your teeth.

–Uptown 4 train

Stoned Asian #1: I don’t know, man. My buddy used to do that all the time and he’s got, like, three brain cells left.
Stoned Asian #2: Dude, I don’t care. All I know is if it’s bad for you, it must be hella-good!

–Astor Pl

20-something stoner girl walking into room: So… Are you aware that I just had a really extensive conversation with your mother?
20-something stoner guy, playing GTA: Um… Really? … What did you guys talk about?
20-something stoner girl, seriously: Michael Jackson!

–Harlem

Dude, walking up to security desk in emergency room: Hi. It feels like my balls are about to fall off.

–St. Lukes Roosevelt Hospital

Overheard by: Kate Melvin

Stoner chick: The girls are all hairy balls, and the photos look like hairy balls, and they wear hairy ball sacks, but Tyra is the biggest hairy ball of them all.

–7 train

Overheard by: bronwyn

Out-of-place guido: I ain’t wearing nothin’ that touches my balls to my asshole!

–8th Ave

Overheard by: finds it comforting

Teenage boy to friends, about a movie: Yooo, it’s like a chick flick with balls!!! You know, like a guy’s chick flick!!!"

–E 85th St & 3rd Ave

Guy: I use Burt’s bees for my balls.

–Broadway & W 4th

Overheard by: Jake R

Guy #1 to guy #2: I really think you’d feel a lot better if you felt my balls.

–6th Ave & Bleecker

Stoned hipster #1: Dude, Van Gogh is the Sex Pistols.
Stoned hipster #2: Huh?
Stoned hipster #1: Because, think about it: Van Gogh never sold a painting while he was alive, and the Sex Pistols never won any awards or nothing. Yet they’re both appreciated in our time.
Stoned hipster #2: It’s more like Van Gogh is The Velvet Underground.
Stoned hipster #1: Oh my god, Van Gogh is so The Velvet Underground!

–Bowery Ballroom

Overheard by: Abram

Flea: I eat four boxes of blueberries a day; it makes my cock big.

–Randall’s Island

Overheard by: AJIN

Flyer guy to tourist: Take it, take it, it’s free! But my weed is not. I’ll be right here until five.

–45th & Broadway

Overheard by: Engi

Yuppie guy: Hey, you wanna buy a bong and get pierced?

–MacDougal & Bleecker

Overheard by: Betty Noir

Guy listening to iPod: Pussy, money, weed! Pussy, money, weed! Pussy, money, weed!

–183rd & Audubon Ave

Overheard by: BB

Black guy to another: All those niggas do is smoke weed and call ACS on each other!

–A train, Brooklyn

Guy on cell: Dude every time she sees me she’s like, ‘O-M-G, you’re high.’ And I usually am, but like, I like to think I hide it well. But she always knows. And even so, I’m like, ‘Em, why do you have to comment on it every single time? At the dorms, at parties, even at Target one time!’ Hahaha… But anyway, we might come Thursday. I’ll see if my funds are in order to make the trip. What kind of shit would we have to wear? Beach stuff? Oooh, and I could rock my stunna shades.

–6 train

Guy outside MTV studios: Stay calm. Everything is going to be okay. There will be marijuana giveaways.

–1515 Broadway

Overheard by: Rebecca

An attractive black girl wearing brown from head to toe walks by.

Stoner kid: Dude, if you squint, doesn’t that girl look naked?

–Fort Greene park

Overheard by: Saddened

Stoner #1: You know how there’s these milestones in movies, like the first movie to show a tit, the first one to show a dick, the first one to show someone pinching a loaf?
Stoner #2: Yeah…
Stoner #1: I wonder when there’ll be the first movie with the word ‘fuck’ in the title. Think we’ll live to see it?
Stoner #2, after long pause: Not counting porn?
Stoner #1: Of course.
Stoner #2: Yeah.
Stoner #1: So, you think we’ll live to see it?
Stoner #2: Porn?
Stoner #1: No. ‘Fuck.’ In the title.
Stoner #2: Hope so.

–B41 bus, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Big Larry