Wednesday One-Liners for Change

Black lady to family in obama t-shirts: You know how all those irish people have pictures of kennedy hanging up in their living rooms? Now we can do that too!

–Whole Foods, Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Definitely has a JFK picture in her apartment

Guy selling obama-themed condoms: Remember the election with every erection!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Mary Button

Black woman with a child in her stroller braiding her hair: There's gona be a lot of braidin in the white house.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Subway surfer

Woman on cell phone: Girl, if I can get to the front of the line at the vma's I can get to the front of the line at the damn inauguration. Shiiiit it's barack obama, girl!

–manhattan dental waiting room

Overheard by: Catherine

Stoned kid to a group of his friends discussing politics: You know what's scary bro? If obama gets assassinated, george bush is gonna be president again.

–1 Train @ 2AM going Downtown

Black man handing out metro: "get your obama metro! Get your obama metro! See, anyone can be president… I'm next!"

–59th Street, Lexington Ave

Overheard by: Yes we can!

Posted on April 7, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Compare/Contrast, Condoms, Democrats, Erections, Families, Fears, Friends, Hospitals, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Murder, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Paranoia, Pictures, Politics, President, Race, Stoners, Stupidity, Times Square, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vendors & Street Performers, Weirdness, Whole Foods, Women

Normal for an American, or What?

20-something skinny hipster girl: I'm in an eating phase. It started on Tuesday, and it'll go until Friday, if I've calculated my lunar cycle correctly.
20-something skinny hipster boy: Yeah, me too… I hadn't eaten for weeks, so I'll probably go til Saturday or Sunday.
20-something skinny hipster girl: What about you?
20-something chubby stoned hipster girl: I don't know what the fuck you guys are talking about. I eat like a normal person.

–Upper East Side

Overheard by: emily darwin

Posted on November 1, 2009
Astronomy, Compare/Contrast, Food, Hipsters, Insults, Skinny People, Stoners, Time, Upper East Side

American Hipsters Are More American Than Hipster

Stoned 20-something hipster #1, on Disney music: Noooo, Robin Hood is so gay!
Stoned 20-something hipster #2, playing “Not in Nottingham”: It is *not* gay! It's honest!

–St. Clemens Church & Theater

Overheard by: emily darwin

Posted on October 31, 2009
Disney, Gays and Lesbians, Hipsters, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Movies, Singing, Stoners, Theater, Weirdness

The Trick Is to Get Too Stoned to Care

Bro #1: I mean, smoking weed totally stunted my emotional growth.
Bro #2: I completely know what you mean.

–8th St & Ave C

Overheard by: mona risa

Posted on September 10, 2009
Alphabet City, Psychology, Stoners, Weed

…Do It– Here's My Insulin Kit

Stoner #1, eating ice cream: Man, I want to eat a oatmeal-raisin cookie. With chocolate chips. Inside a chocolate chip brownie.
Stoner #2: Shit, man.

–Gramercy Park

Overheard by: yum

Posted on July 17, 2009
Food, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Stoners, Wishes & desires

Especially After You Have the Audacity to Thank Me!

Urbanized pothead: Lemme get a pack of them Newports.
Clerk: Thank you sir, have a nice day.
Urbanized pothead: Nigga, don't tell me what to do!

–125th St & Broadway

Posted on June 9, 2009
Anger Management, Clerks, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Smoking, Stoners, Stupidity

Lifestyles Of the Wednesday One-Liners

Concerned teacher: Where is Ronald Reagan? Who took Ronald Reagan?

–ACORN High School for Social Justice

Middle aged lady to companion: Ronald McDonald has his nose up Hello Kitty's dress.

–Macy's Balloon Inflation before Thanksgiving Day Parade

Hobo: If you ever touch Halle Berry, I'll fucking smack you!

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: Margot

Girl yelling to friend getting out of cab: Get back here before I bite you in the face like Chris Brown!

–St. Mark's Place & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Janelle

Stoner, as credits roll for movie Push: Dude…fuck Dakota Fanning!

–Palace Theatre

Guy: But come on, it's the Jonas Brothers in 3-D. It's like pimples and eyebrows, comin' at'cha!

–E 17th St

Overheard by: the Big R

Happy-go-lucky hobo: Liza Minelli? I thought that bitch was dead. (singing at the top of his lungs) I want to be a part of it…New York, New York!

–47th & 7th

Overheard by: Jesse Cromer

Posted on April 1, 2009
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Bryant Park, Clothing, College, Compare/Contrast, Death, Friends, Girls, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Hobos, Insults, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Movies, Music, One-liners, Parades & Festitivites, President, Questions, Singing, Stoners, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, Theater, Threats, Union Square and East Village, Violence, Weirdness, Women

Dad Sells a Lot Of Beans in Hong Kong

Stoner girl: After Thanksgiving break I realized that no one in my family ever knows what the fuck I am talking about.
Stoner guy: Yeah! Totally! Everything I said to my dad he'd be like “What?! What the hell does that have to do with the price of beans in Hong Kong?”

–Fordham University, Rose Hill Campus

Posted on March 27, 2009
Family Ties, Fordham, Girls, Guys, Insults, Money & Class, Parents, Stoners

The United Colors Of Wednesday One-Liners

Yuppie to French friend: That's the first thing you learn in husband school. Unless you really like doing the laundry, the first time you do it turn everything pink. The second time, turn everything pink.

–Metro-North Line

Overheard by: 2,563 times later my dad still turns everything pink

Teen girl: I love the color brown an' shit.

–86th St & 4th Ave, Bay Ridge

Overheard by: Jon A.

Suit to another: Oh, Charlie, don't you know not to wear green on Thursdays?

–Flatiron Building

Stoned guy: Whoa, it's the roygbiv, like, having a threesome.

–Dream House, Tribeca

Brunette: I saw a mess of pink and black on the floor, and I knew it was Michelle.

–Jake's Dilemma Bar

Overheard by: TCS

Posted on March 18, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Colors, Compare/Contrast, Foreigners, Friends, Girls, Guys, Marriage, Murray Hill and Gramercy, One-liners, Questions, Stoners, Street, Stupidity, Teens, Three is Company, Trains Not Subway, Upper East Side, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Yuppies

Little Wednesday One-Liners, Big World

Woman to another: So he had this four foot midget, and he was wearing an Obama mask.

–50th St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: jellybean

Stoned hipster: I'm short, right? So, like, I feel so close to the ground right now.

–3rd Ave & 11th

Waiter sticking head out of restaurant, to short bald guy: Hey! Are you a little bit of luck?

–35th & 10th

Guy selling comedy show tickets: Yeah! It's a comedy show! Yes, we've got drunken midgets and everything. No, you can talk to me, I'm not trying to sell you drugs!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Avigdor from Jericho

Frat guy to buddies: Is that the place with the midgets under the bar that take care of you while you drink?

–H&M, Broadway-SoHo

Posted on March 18, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Baristas, BJs, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Drinking & Drunk People, Drugs, Fashion, Frat Boys, Handicaps, Height, Hipsters, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, One-liners, Physical appearance, President, Questions, Soho, Stoners, Store, Street, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Stoners