Employee: Would you like to try a new Portuguese wine?
Customer: I love South American wines!
–Cabrini Wines, Hudson Heights
Employee: Would you like to try a new Portuguese wine?
Customer: I love South American wines!
–Cabrini Wines, Hudson Heights
Woman #1: Wow, are those peaches?
Woman #2: Yeah, peaches.
Woman #1: Wow, I thought they only grew in poor countries.
–Community garden, 9th & C
Overbearing mother, discussing wedding registry: Get a teapot.
Obnoxious squeaky-voiced bride-to-be: But I don't drink tea!
Overbearing mother: Someone might come over who does. Get a coffee thing, too.
Obnoxious squeaky-voiced bride-to-be: But I don't know how to make coffee! That's what Starbucks is for!
–Bouchon Bakery, Columbus Circle
Overheard by: office peon
Deli guy (to another deli guy): He’s got a shrimp salad sandwich too. Here, I’ll mark the paper for you so you don’t get confused. I know your brain, it don’t work so good. Do you want me to write it in Mexican or in English?
Hobo: When I point, everybody smell collard greens.
–6 train
Young woman #1: Guys never want to eat me out.
Middle-aged dad with kids: Hey, we’re trying to eat over here.
Young woman #1: See, even hearing about it freaks them out.
Young man at next table: Maybe I can take a look for you and give you my assessment.
Middle-aged dad with kids: For God’s sake, this is a family restaurant!
Young woman #2: You have a very controversial vagina.
–Mickey D’s, Times Square
Guy: So…after she says that, I said, “Who would have ever thought to just cook lettuce?”
Girl: Woooooooooow.
–Bedford Street off Bleecker
Girl #1: …but I mean, it would have been so cute if we had gotten pregnant at the same time…
Girl #2: Yeah, i’m kinda bummed…
Girl #1: We would totally get our abortions together!
Girl #2: Oh my god, we would!
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Penelope Galleon
Woman: My sister had a kidney removed when she was 9, and she still uses it.
–Dojo, W 4th St.
Guy: Yeah, the only reason I have kids is that, if I ever need it, I know there’s a compatible kidney around.
–33rd & 8th
Overheard by: kjsilopanna
Girl #1: I have the best view of the Hudson River from my bedroom window.
Girl #2: Oh, did you move to the West Side?
Girl #1: Um, no. I still live on the East Side.
Girl #2: You mean the East River?
Girl #1: Whatever, you’re not invited.
–University & 10th
