Girl #1: I can’t wait for the summertime so I can hang out outside in biergartens.
Girl #2: Yeah, I’m going to go to the botanical garden.
–Coffee Shop, Union Square
Girl #1: I can’t wait for the summertime so I can hang out outside in biergartens.
Girl #2: Yeah, I’m going to go to the botanical garden.
–Coffee Shop, Union Square
Professor: Does anyone know the significance of Plato?
Girl #1: Wasn’t he a writer?
Girl #2: No, that was Plateau.
–LaGuardia Community College
Store guy: I don’t get it. If I lost my kid for 5 minutes I’d be crazy.
Customer man: You’d be hysterical. You’d be a madman.
Store guy: Meanwhile, the kid must have been in the store for 45 minutes before I noticed him!
–Quails, SI mall
Woman #1: They have a new water called “Smart Water”.
Woman #2: Oh yeah? What’s up with that?
Woman #1: I don’t know…I guess it makes you smart or something.
–96th & Columbus
Overheard by: Paco
NYU chick on cell: You know you’re having a bad day when you break your aura.
–West 4th & Jones
Overheard by: Sam Zimman
Guy: NYU is like a disease. It’s shaping the minds of the fucking
future.
–South Street seaport
Chick on cell: Oh my god, I just totally bombed my final. But it’s not fair. It’s not my fault I got stuck in a class with all smart people. My grade’s totally going to skyrocket downwards.
–NYU, Waverly & Washington Square East
Overheard by: LMF
Girl #1: You are way more charitable than I am.
Girl #2: Are you saying that only Catholics are charitable?
Girl #1: What?
–1 Train
Overheard by: Karla
In a crowded bathroom, a drunk guy at the short urinal calls over to his friend about six urinals down.
Guy #1: Hey, man! Why is mine so small? Is yours this small?
Guy #2: What?
–Penn Station men’s room
Girl #1: Is it hot in here or are my eyes just burning?
Girl #2: What?
–M66 bus
Overheard by: Gabriella
Butcher: Would you like anything else today?
Lady: Not that I can think of. As a matter of fact I haven’t really been able to think of much all day. Must be all the vicodin….So how do I prepare this?
Butcher: It’s lunchmeat. You just eat it.
–Greenpoint market
Teen girl #1: I never got that expression, “back of my hand”.
Teen girl #2: It’s not “back of my hand”, it’s “back of my head”.
Teen girl #1: Really?
Teen girl #2: Yeah, because the back of your head is where you, like, know stuff.
–1 train
Rich girl #1: You’ve got it wrong. The Shiites are the majority in Iraq.
Rich girl #2: Oh, well if the Sunni don’t like it, they should just move back to Iran.
–91st & Madison
Overheard by: Sennott
Two guys and a girl enter the hospital and ask for the restroom. A few minutes later as they’re leaving the building the security guard talks to them.
Security guard: That’ll be $20.
Guy: What?
Security guard: Ain’t nothing for free at the hospital…unless you have an insurance card. Have a good night folks!
–Mount Sinai hospital, 5th Avenue
Overheard by: Vanilla
World-famous doctor: Do you know what I love? Dyslexic Black people. For instance, the other day a Black guy stopped me in his car as I was walking and asked me, “How do I get to the FRD?”.
–Tisch hospital, 33rd Street
