C'mon a My Wednesday One-Liner!

Man on phone: Come down the road and I'm the first house that you do not see.

–Office Building, W 46th St

Overheard by: TheGreenCat

Black woman on cell: Don't fuck in ma house!

–Union Square Station

10-year-old boy to another: Yeah, my mom says I can fuck a girl in her house, as long as she ain't a skanky-ass ho.

–105th & Broadway

Overheard by: Andy

Girl to friend: We can't hang out at my house. I don't know anyone there anymore.

–125th & Broadway

Overheard by: EthanK

Guy cycling past very fast, to cycling companion: So he bought a whole house just to store pot?

–Prospect Park, Brooklyn

Overheard by: peeper

City cop to two homeless guys: If your house is worth like $200,000, you can probably only get a equity loan for like $100,000. (homeless guys nod their heads in agreement)

–Madison Square Park

Overheard by: E

Posted on April 4, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Brooklyn, Cops, Directions, Friends, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hobos, Home, Sweet Home, Homeless, Insults, Kids, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Office, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Promiscuity, Sex, Street, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weed, Weirdness, Women

America's First Black Wednesday One-Liners

Tranny heading toward Halloween parade, seeing Sarah Palin costume: Oh my god! That's the lady President, right? The assistant President!

–W 4th St Subway Station

(muslim hot dog vendor bows down to pray at 5 pm)
Child in stroller: Look! Look! Mommy! Barack Obama!

–W 60th & Columbus

Overheard by: Brian

Thug, to hot girl passing by: Hey! Yo, girl, excuse me! (she keeps walking) So, you're voting for McCain, then?

–60th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Alex A.

Little girl: I want to vote for Obama…because he's the first black person to run against Bush.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Dana

Sidewalk watch vendor: These are the watches Obama wore before he became Senator!

–33rd St & Broadway

Overheard by: crosstown girl

Little black girl trick-or-treating with family: Two, four, six, eight, who do we appreciate? Obama! Obama!

–Pacific St & Nostrand

Overheard by: Obama Now!

Posted on April 2, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Families, Girls, Islam, Kids, Lies, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Pick-up Lines, Politics, President, Stupidity, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Thugs, Trannies, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Wham, Bam, Thank You Ma'am One-Liners

Older gentleman on phone: I was just calling to ask if you wanted to make love to my nice, long, Lebanese penis again tonight. (pause) Yes, yes, 10 works for me.

–45th & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Morgan

Mother, hissing to girl dancing exuberantly: You stop that! Stop it! Boys will try to sex you! Stop!

–6 Train Station

Girl on cell, yelling: He got soft inside me! That's, like, the worst insult ever!

–23rd & 9th

Girl on cell: Come over to the 7-Eleven anytime. I will fuck you!

–Washington Square West

Overheard by: David Fishkind

Brunching woman to friends: We lived in Buffalo! We could have had sex on the sidewalk, but it was four years before we were engaged!

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: Alexandra

Posted on April 1, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Dancing, Erections, Friends, Girls, Height, Insults, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Offers and requests, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Penis, Sex, Street, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Time, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Sounds Like a Soggy Biscuit Was Involved

Guy #1: Yeah, I really like her but she’s already got three kids.
Guy #2: With how many guys?
Guy #1: I don’t know, three or four.

–1 train

Overheard by: crumbr

Posted on March 23, 2015
Dating, Guys, Kids, On the Subway, Stupidity, Subway stations, platforms, etc.

St. Christopher’s Starting to Get Ragged Around the Edges

Creepy hobo: May you reach your destination in safety.
Hoochie: Scuse me?
Creepy hobo: May you reach your destination in safety.
Hoochie, cheerily: Thank you, sweetie!

–Outside Pacific Street Station

Overheard by: Rich Mintz

Posted on March 19, 2015
Brooklyn, Default, Etiquette, Hobos, Hootchies, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Wishes & desires

Your Mother Said You’d Be the Last

Little boy, about turnstile: I want to do it!
Father: Okay, but make sure you don’t get decapitated.

–Subway station, Bryant Park

Overheard by: novellas

Posted on March 19, 2015
Advice, Body Parts, Dads, Kids, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Wishes & desires

This Reality Show Has Gone Way Off Script

Crackhead: Excuse me, miss, but you don’t look so good. Are you okay?
Hot, drunk chick vomiting in a trashcan: I’m supposed to be asking you that!

–66th St, Lincoln Center station

Posted on March 17, 2015
Comebacks, Default, Druggies, Girls, Physical appearance, Questions, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Vomit

Sexuality: The Subtle Art of the Unspoken

Girl: You have a stain on the front of your pants.
Boy: I have a stain from your front on my pants.

–N train

Posted on March 7, 2015
Creepsters, Orgasm, Subway stations, platforms, etc.

That’s My Kind of Sharing!

Girl #1: My tits feel weird.
Girl #2: What do you mean?
Girl #1: I did Party Tits at the share this weekend.
Girl #2: What??
Girl #1: Party Tits. You get saline injected into them, and they get really big. It wears off in a few days. The guys love it.

–Subway platform, Fulton St

Posted on March 5, 2015
Hootchies, Rack, Subway stations, platforms, etc.

As Stupid as I Was When I Touched It

Inquisitive 15-year-old: Hey, Mister, you ever touch the third rail?
MTA worker: Now, I don’t know you, but I’m gonna call you ‘stupid.’ You’re stupid.

–Queensboro Plaza Station

Overheard by: Sunnyside Up

Posted on February 14, 2015
Insults, Nicknames & name calling, Public Transportation, Subway conductors, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Teens

Subway stations, platforms, etc.