Tourist: Where do we get the Uptown A?
Local: Right here. Down those stairs.
Tourist: But is it Uptown? The sign doesn’t say ‘Uptown’ or ‘Downtown.’
Local: You can get them both here.
Tourist: But we need Uptown. How will we know it’s there if there’s no sign?
Local: Blind faith, I guess.
Tourist: I think we should take a cab.
–Outside W 4th St subway
Chick riding down escalator: I can’t believe Andrea left work at 5:30 today.
Thug riding up escalator: Bitch had to leave to go suck my dick!
Chick and friend, gasping: Oh my god!
Thug, to thug friend: She gotta climb that corporate ladder somehow, yo!
–53rd & Lex station
Frat boy #1: I’ve been reading Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus. Dude, this book makes so much sense. I totally understand women now.
Frat boy #2: Yeah?
Frat boy #1: Yeah. This girl at work, she was all into me and shit and I totally cut her off, it was cold. She was so annoying. I really understand how to deal with women now. It explains all their games and translates what they’re saying.
Frat boy #2: So I’m reading this book about Transylvanian necrophiliacs…
–1 Train
Overheard by: Suzanne
Russian Lady: Oh no, he’s too gentle to be a teacher. He went there before and the kids did whatever they wanted. They took everything from the tables.
–D Train
Guy: It seems like the first couple of seasons of the Sopranos were exciting, but the last few have been boring.
–D Train
Policeman: “…of course I would accept the money! Do I look like I’m rich?”
– Bedford L subway station
Crazy: So I had to get fillings in all of my teeth.
Passenger: Uh huh.
Crazy: But I figured, why let them do that to me after they drilled holes in my brain, ya know?
Passenger: Sure.
Crazy: But I figured, might as well! Although if they were going to fill my teeth, I’d want them to use jelly.
Passenger: Yep.
Crazy: But the guy at the counter said they were out of jelly. So I got a blueberry muffin.
–R train
Overheard by: Johnny Shizzle
Urban woman: Those little Chinese people never even say “Excuse me”! They’re so fucking goddamn rude!
–D Train
Mom: What are you, stupid? 14 minus 34 is not 30 blocks. It’s ten!
Daughter: No it’s not.
Mom: Oh yeah, wait. It’s twenty.
–3 Train
Overheard by: Rehey11
Tourist to another, looking at Ellis Island: Look, there is Alcatraz!
–Staten Island Ferry
Little tourist girl to dad: Why are there so many brown people in this city?
–Lexington & 59th St
Tourist: We have made it to the center of the earth!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Lance Torres
Tourist: Wow! Times Square is really busy tonight.
–Times Square
Overheard by: erkala
Teenage tourist: Soooo… It's like a little bus… On rails… That goes in a tunnel?
–42nd & 7th
