Be a Good Sport, Wednesday One-Liners

Conductor, on loudspeaker: Please note, you heard it here first: I’m watching the Super Bowl only for the commercials. The Giants are going to be so far ahead of… the other team… it’ll be a boring game. We gonna whoop them by at least 15, 20 points. But the commercials are going to be great!

–A train

Overheard by: love this conductor!

Blind hobo to no one: You know why black basketball players are better than white ones? Because Jesus was black, so they’re like Jesus!

–1 train

Black teen girl, to three teen boys: Super Bowl! Super bowl?! What the hell does that mean, ‘a Super Bowl’? Didn’t you ever think about how stupid that is?!

–F train, 4th Ave

Overheard by: Theresa

Eight-year-old boy: You can’t have a Cowboys game without the cheerleaders. There go half the male ticket holders.

–Prospect Park, Brooklyn

Guy who is clearly not Eli Manning: What do I do? My name is Eli Manning, and I play for the New York Giants.

–Upper West Side

Guy randomly wipes out on the sidewalk, flat on his stomach with arms stretched out in front of him. Everyone stares.

Nearby cop: Safe!

–Outside Penn Station

Overheard by: Bananaphone

Posted on December 8, 2020
Black People, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Conductors, Cops, Crazies, Crazy, Default, Girls, Glad the Condom Broke, Gripes, Hobos, Kids, On the Subway, Penn Station, Race, Sports, Teens, TV, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Words

You Have to Pass Asshole 101 to Get Into All Your Girlfriend’s Friends

High school girl #1: I think they give them a class on it.
High school girl #2: Called what? How to be a complete asshole and sleep with all of your girlfriend’s friends?

–Dalton School, Upper East Side

Posted on November 18, 2020
Education, Fast Times at New York High, Gender issues, Infidelity, Nicknames & name calling, Sex, Teens

Wasn't This a Teen Movie?

Teen girl to friends: I've heard that they unleash packs of Rottweilers here at night.
Friends: What?
Girl: Yeah, to keep people from just hiding in here and sleeping, or whatever. Because it's so big and they can't cover the whole thing… Packs of Rottweilers covering the woods… (friends gasp)

–New York Botanical Gardens

Posted on November 15, 2020
Friends, Girls, Man's Best Friend, Parks, Teens, Violence, Weirdness

“Socially” Fat

Teen boy: So, is she fat like Kelly is fat?
Teen girl: You mean, is she just fat because we don’t like her?

–Central Park

Overheard by: jennica

Posted on November 12, 2020
Central Park, Diet/Weight, Teens

Santa Finally Goes Legit

Asian kid: Why did you decide to start driving now?
Middle-aged thug: I drive trucks. Now it’s just time to tell the government.

–DMV, Atlantic Ave, Brooklyn

Posted on October 28, 2020
Asians, Brooklyn, Government, Teens, Thugs, Travel

Come on In– The Wednesday One-Liner Is Fine!

20-something chick: Sea captains doing table-service is never okay.

–A Train

Overheard by: Ladle

Lady on Bluetooth: Well, if you prove to everyone that your vagina is as wide as an ocean, then go ahead!

–Brooklyn

Teenage girl to friend: So, I heard back from the lifeguard application. (pauses, then utterly bewildered) I need to know how to swim!

–Uptown 1 Train

Overheard by: totheworld

Loud woman on escalator: No, you don't get it. When you're under water, you're not wet.

–Queens Center Mall

Overheard by: Burning Vegan

Middle-aged man watching seven-year old swimming deftly in shallow end: Oh, yeah? Well, I can drive. Can you? My feet can touch the bottom. Can yours?

–CUNY Swim Class

Overheard by: obyun

Posted on October 20, 2020
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Cars and Driving, College, Compare/Contrast, Education, Friends, Girls, Height, Jobs & Careers, Kids, Malls, Men, On the Subway, One-liners, Queens, Questions, Sports, Stupidity, Teens, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

He Totally Sucks

Teen boy #1: Okay, tell the truth. Have you ever tried to lick your own balls? I’ll be honest, I’ve tried.
Teen boy #2: I’ve thought about it, I just know I couldn’t do it.

–108th & Columbus

Posted on October 16, 2020
Body Parts, Manhattan, Masturbation, Sex, Sex & Relationships, Sports, Stupidity, Teens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

In the Realm of the Faceless, the Ugly Girl Is Queen

Schoolgirl #1: You know that girl in our global class?
Schoolgirl #2: The one with the face.
Schoolgirl #1: Yeah!

–Outside of Murry Bergatrum High School

Posted on September 25, 2020
Body Parts, Default, Fast Times at New York High, Girls, Lower Manhattan, Physical appearance, Questions, Students, Teens, Words

I’m More of an ‘Assfuck ’em and Leave ’em Crying in a Puddle of their Own Urine’ Kind of Girl

Teenage girl #1: Then he was kissing my forehead a lot after we hooked up so I told everyone there he was gay.
Teenage girl #2: Yeah, that is really gay.

–Houston St station

Posted on September 17, 2020
Assholes, Body Parts, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Stupidity, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Teens

Just When People Had Stopped Looking for Carrie Bradshaw's House…

Teenage boy in Boston Celtics jacket: Ewww, this is Jackson Heights?
Father: Yeah, I guess so.
Bored tween girl: Can we go back to the hotel, puh-lease?
Mom: Not yet. I want to find where Ugly Betty lives.

–Jackson Heights

Overheard by: Jellobelle

Posted on September 6, 2020
Dads, Moms, Queens, Questions, Teens, Tourism, TV, Tweens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Teens