Girl #1: Oh my god, did I tell you? Alex called me yesterday! And it wasn’t 6 am for once, it was 3 pm!
Girl #2: That’s great!
Girl #1: I know. He was like [low voice] “heeeeeeey” and I was like [high voice] “heeeeey!” and it was amazing. Well, not really. But it was so great.
–Starbucks, Washington Square
Bossy, fanny-pack-wearing tourist lady: No, no… That map is wrong. We want Broadway and it’s … That way! [Points emphatically toward 8th avenue and storms away.]
–West 47th b/w Broadway & 8th Avenue
Overheard by: tinyfoo
Tourist, whispering to friend: There are a lot of Jewish people in here.
–B&H Photo
Tourist girl: Dad! Look! It’s Times Square! Walk this way.
–Rector St & Broadway
Overheard by: Jax
Tourist lady peering in shop window: Ooooh, calendars! Ooooh, t-shirts! Oh, we’re gonna have to come back here!
–48th & Broadway
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Tourist: Oh honey, look at this purse I bought! It’s a real coach bag and it was so cheap. I bought it on Canal street. You should see all of the Gucci, Prada, and Louis Vuitton they’ve got. I can’t believe you can get the real thing for so cheap.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Johanna
Tourist, in disbelief: People are buying shoes at 11 o’clock at night!
–33rd & Seventh
Overheard by: Gasp!
Creepy guy: I like your hat.
Girl reading: Thanks.
Creepy guy: Do you have the time?
Girl reading: Sure. 6:30.
Creepy guy: Can I ask what your book is about?
Girl reading: Female circumcision.
Creepy guy: No, can I ask what your book is about?
Girl reading: Female circumcision.
Creepy guy: Are you serious?!
Girl reading: Yeah.
Creepy guy: You enjoy that.
Girl reading: Thanks, I will.
–Q Train
Girl #1: So yeah, it’s supposed to make you last really long and come like a horse.
Girl #2: Wow.
–FIT
Overheard by: C
Boy, to uninterested girl: You gotta date me! What you mean you only date 25-year-olds? Do you know what 25-year-old guys do?? They masturbate. All the time. It’s true -my dad told me.
–Fordham Road Subway Station
Overheard by: …as opposed to guys of all other ages??
Girl on cell: They keep doing it, and it’s ridiculous. I mean, they should just whack it off in the bathroom like everybody else does.
–Auditions, 35th & 8th
Chick on cell: What’s wrong with jerking off in the baggage claim at the start of a three day weekend?
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy
Surly stocker to fellow coworker: If they keep calling me upstairs, I am not going to have time to eat, or masturbate, or anything!
–Duane Reade, 58th & 8th
Overheard by: I’m busy too
Boy on cell: I’ve never gone all the way with anyone -you know? [Pause.] … I’m just enjoying myself.
–Broadway , Near Columbia University
Overheard by: julie
Eight-year-old-girl: What is aged cheese?
Dad: You age cheese to make it better.
Eight-year-old-girl: You do?
Dad: Like whiskey.
Eight-year-old-girl: Ahhhh, I see.
–Starbucks, 9th & 2nd
Man on barstool: I want to toast my friend who passed away.
Bartender, as he slides glass to man: Oh geez, sorry to hear that. When did he die?
Man: Four years ago.
Bartender: Four years ago… And you are just now…
Man: I’ve been busy.
–3rd Ave Bar, near 37th
Overheard by: Paul
Cute nerd girl playing Scrabble #1: How many Ts in frottage?
Cute nerd girl playing Scrabble #2: Frottage? What’s that?
Cute nerd girl playing Scrabble #1: It’s when you rub against someone in a crowd, sexually. Like dry humping.
Cute nerd girl playing Scrabble #2: Oh yeeeeah, I knew that. Jeez, I haven’t heard that word since that Psychology of Sex class I took a few years ago.
Cute nerd girl playing Scrabble #1, enthusiastically: That’s because you don’t read enough slash!
–Starbucks, 2nd & 9th
College girl #1: If you believe in any god, you should really resepct all other religions, like mythology gods and shit too!
College girl #2: Who can believe mythology?! That stuff was written like, a hundred years ago!
–TGI Fridays, Times Square
Overheard by: m spot
Homeless man: Eliot Spitzer for President!… Make the White House the whorehouse!
–Battery Park
NYU guy: So my friend who works for Eliot Spitzer called me the other day and asked me to ask his roommate to delete all his emails. He didn’t say why, but then about two hours later I found out about the whole prostitute thing… And now I’m a little worried.
–NYU Bus
AmNY newspaper guy, handing out papers with Eliot Spitzer’s picture on the front page: $80,000 for a ho, and we can’t get a raise!
–Outside 33rd St Station, 33rd & Park
Crazy guy, speeding on a bicycle through a crowd: Don’t even think about it people! I gotta make a party at Spitzer’s in ten minutes!
–43rd & Lexington
Overheard by: Dan J
Old lady: Why, if I were young like you, I could be a call-girl to scum-of-the-earth Spitzer!
–Laundromat, 34th St, Long Island City
