Sorry, Pal– One Of Your Editors Married Her First

Comedy show ticket seller: Hey! You dropped your scarf!
(girl with scarf around her neck rolls eyes)
Comedy show ticket seller: Hey, you must live here!
Girl: Yeah, and I work in this fucking area, and you tell me that every single night when all I want to do is go home. (looks at tourists listening) Just so you know, “free comedy show” means two drink minimum, and the so-called comedians are just dumb asses who are not not funny at all.
Comedy show ticket seller: Woah! Marry me, please. I'm not trying to be funny, you are fucking amazing!
Girl: Fuck you.
Comedy show ticket seller to tourists: I'm being serious, she's the woman of my dreams!
Tourists: What?

–Times Square

Posted on April 7, 2015
Clothing, Compliments, Dreams, Drinking & Drunk People, Free stuff!, Girls, Home, Sweet Home, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Marriage, Offers and requests, Theater & Dance, Times Square, Vendors & Street Performers

Official Answer: the Hat.

West Point cadet #1: And then there's the Naked Cowboy. He should be around here somewhere.
West Point cadet #2: How the fuck do they know he's a cowboy if he's naked?

–Times Square

Posted on April 6, 2015
Coworkers, Nudity, Questions, Times Square, Tourism

Can You Explain His Bowl Full of Jelly?

Old man: Hey, little girl, you dropped something.
Four-year-old girl to mom: I thought you said Santa Claus wasn’t real!

–Times Square

Overheard by: sitting in a bush

Posted on April 5, 2015
Old People, Pop Culture, Times Square

We Require an Application and 3 Letters of Reference

Charity rep. with big water bottle of money: Give so that homeless won't go hungry, even a dollar helps!
Homeless guy in wheelchair: Give me some of that money, I'm homeless.
Charity rep: Sorry, doesn't work like that.

–Times Square

Posted on March 24, 2015
Hobos, Homeless, Money & Class, Panhandling, Times Square, Vendors & Street Performers, Wheelbos

Translation: I Would Kill to Be Her

Fat ugly woman: I mean she is not a pretty girl, but she is a great dancer.
Thin ugly woman: Yeah, she can definitely dance.
Fat ugly woman: Dance yes, but there is something wrong with her face.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Hannah

Posted on March 23, 2015
Beauty, Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Dancing, Fat People, Physical appearance, Skinny People, Times Square, Women

We’re Considering Branding Wednesday One-liners

Woman: This is my favorite part…of the worst song ever.

–MTV Studios, Times Square

Man on cell: No, it is not like the time I farted at Target and blamed in on that old woman!

–22nd & Park

Overheard by: Bill Ray

Drunken yuppie guy: I want my Subway sandwich! I want my Subway sandwich! Tuna and onions! Yeah, you heard me. Girls love big cocks. Girls love big cocks! These girls know. I’m on…I’m on Comedy Central! I’m a redneck on Comedy Central! My name is Heywood Jablowme! Heywood Jablowme! Heywood Jablowme! I’m from Texas where girls suck cock for a dime!

–32nd & 2nd

Woman: Did you hear Cooter wouldn’t endorse that remake?

–7 train

Overheard by: Todd Horan

Guy: God, I feel like I’m trapped in a fucking Hallmark Card.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Shoshana

Latina: …and he looks evil and the Princess is saying to him, “You are a good person” and he looks so evil and then she is with Obi King Wasabi and he said he is on the dark side and then the shorty guy–what is his name?–Yoga said, “He is on the dark side” and then Dark Wader he is with the cape and looks all angry and evil reminded me of me on Mondays.

–58th & Lexington

Overheard by: Brandy Rowell

Posted on March 19, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Central Park, Drunks, Etiquette, Farting & Burping, Junk Food & Fast Food, Language Barrier, Latinos, Movies, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Music, Nicknames & name calling, On Cell, On the Subway, Stupidity, Times Square, Upper East Side, Yuppies

The Infinite Crisis of Wednesday One-liners

Man on cell: If it weren’t for the soap suds I wouldn’t have super-powers.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Marc Dombrowski

Posted on March 17, 2015
Crazies, Times Square, Weirdness

There May Be a Shop That Doesn’t

Passenger: Is there any shops in the city that sell Statue of Liberty souvenir statues?
Cabbie: Yeah, I think there may be a shop that sells those right in Times Square.

–Times Square cab

Overheard by: John Aubin