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Wednesday One-Liners Always Thought Slim Goodbody Was Hot

Woman: You better get that uvula home soon!

–Brooklyn bound F train

Overheard by: PoisonIvy

Cracked-Out queer, holding US Weekly: Mmmmmm, Ashlee lookin’ good! You know why? Whole lotta crack in her belly!

–1 train

Guy: So they took out my spleen and rummaged through my internal organs…

–1 train

Overheard by: sara n.

Woman on cell: I can’t believe it; your brain muscle must be telepathetic or something!

–18th & Park

Overheard by: edward

Vendor: What if they test it and find that it’s from his ear?!

–Wooster & Broome

Professor: My favorite magazine is one for undertakers. It’s called Caskets and Sunnyside. You can order ears. Right ears, left ears; there’s a market for them.

–Fordham

Overheard by: Jess McGins

Chick on cell: Wait, your uterus is what? What? Your uterus is what?! I’m on the street. I can’t hear–Oh, tilted! That’s totally fucked up. I’m sorry.

–23rd & 6th

Look at How Stretched-Out Her Vagina Is

Boyfriend: Y’know, you can tell she was really pretty… What?

–Bodies exhibit, Fulton St

Overheard by: also stared

Another Satisfied Customer of Rib Removal Surgery

Girl #1: You wanna try some of my tuna roll?
Girl #2: No, that’s okay. I’ll just eat my box.

–Sushiya, 56th & 5th

Overheard by: Reina

Trevor Had Heard Tales About People Caught North of 110th After Dark

Man, waking up: What stop is this?
Fellow passenger: 125th Street
Man: What time is it?!
Fellow passenger: 8 o’clock.
Man: Oh dear God! [Runs off train]

–Uptown A train, 125th St

He Eats Some of Them While They’re Still Alive

PETA activist: Excuse me, do you love animals?
Smart-Ass queer: Yes…They’re delicious.
PETA activist: Murderer!!

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: very entertained carnivore

Apocalypse Now Had an Unwholesome Effect on Jared

Guy: Wow, a head on a stick! That’s so cute.
Girl: We should soo take a picture with it.

–Museum of Natural History

Wednesday One-Liners Think ‘Un’ Is Also a Kind of Faithful

Ghetto guy: She know she got a man, but she’ll still gimme some. She know that!

–7 train

Young woman, screaming at young man: I dare you to fuck someone else again! I dare you!… You better not fuck anyone else! You better not!

–Hoyt-Schermerhorn station, Brooklyn

Queer on cell: Since when has your gaping hole decided to be faithful to your boyfriend?

–Union Square

Overheard by: Keith

Walking VD: When I first met you seven months ago I was kinda in another relationship. But now that that’s over, wanna get back in bed?

–32nd & 7th

Cop: So I’m fucking his wife for 6 years, and now he complains!

–238th & Broadway

Overheard by: Miriam

Probably a Sufficient Interim Explanation

Man to wife: …and I said, “What are you: a crackhead?!”
Young daughter: What’s a crackhead, Daddy?
Man: It’s someone that slipped and cracked their head.

Strung-out hobo walks by, asking for change.

Man: See, honey. He’s a crackhead.

–E Fordham Rd & Lorillard Pl, the Bronx

And Their Sideways Pussies

Mother: See, it says these are endangered deer from China.
Tween daughter: I guess they are from China. Look at their slanty eyes!

–Bronx Zoo

Overheard by: Nina Drummond

Why Natives and Tourists Rarely Marry

Woman: This book I’m reading says that string theory could verify how the world began!
Guy: Hello! We know how the world began. I’ve got a book you should borrow; it’s called the Bible.

–Starbucks, Astor Place

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