Girl: I was so wasted last night. I think I gave a blowjob to a hobo in the park.
–St. Marks & 2nd
Overheard by: Constantino
Girl: I was so wasted last night. I think I gave a blowjob to a hobo in the park.
–St. Marks & 2nd
Overheard by: Constantino
Engineer: Unlike you, I am not always thinking about cock!
–Midtown office
Overheard by: Randy Locklair
Blonde Teen: No. Like it’s hairy. Like really hairy. Like I-have-to-trim-it hairy.
–3rd Ave & 11th St.
Overheard by: D O double
Chick #1: Hey! Do you know Stanley?
Chick #2: Stanley…? No.
Chick #1: You know — he was an aircraft!
Chick #2: What?
Chick #1: That the Russians put into space!
Chick #2: You mean… Sputnik?
Chick #1: Stanley, Sputnik, whatever…
–Union Square
NYU student #1: So, you know that part in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles where Raph gets jumped by the Foot Clan, and they have to bring him to April’s place because he’s a turtle, and turtles need water, so they put him in the bathtub?
NYU student #2: Yeah, sure.
NYU student #1: Yeah, they had to do that with her, ’cause she got so fucked up she shit herself.
NYU student #2: Again?
–Union Square
Overheard by: Jayso
20-something bum: Excuse me, miss, can I please have a cigarette?
Young woman smoking: Sure.
20-something bum: Thank you so much. I just took a huge hit of heroin and a cigarette after is the balls.
Young woman smoking: Well, happy trails!
–14th St & 3rd Ave
Salesperson to customer with small dog: You know that we now have pet products?
Customer: Yes, he's using them already.
Salesperson: Oh, he looks great!
–Kiehls, 3rd Ave & 13th St
Overheard by: David Feldman
Unwitting tourist to hot dog vendor: Can I see your sausage before I buy?
Hot dog vendor: Excuse me, hon?
–Astor Place
Guy to female friend: There's a guy in the Howard Street festival that ejaculates like 20 feet.
–E 3rd St & 1st Ave
Guy: The world is my cumrag!
–4th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Jordan Bruce
Woman on cell: Yeah, it was great. We managed to buy enough sperm for three kids.
–32nd & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Matt
Intoxicated college boy to friend: I don't want to jism on a girl's back…yet.
–Times Square
Overheard by: watching her back
Suit getting off train, turning around and yelling: Was it semen? (waves goodbye)
–1 Train
Overheard by: hsw
Woman digging through scarves: Do you think these are for older people?
Male pal: Yes, for older people. For you.
–The Met store
Overheard by: akka
Headline by: Stretchen
Runners-Up:
· “Definetely In The Friend Zone” – Dion
· “Never Insult a Woman with a Perfect Choking Device” – Megan
· “No One Said Ashton Kutcher Was Bright” – punk’d
· “That’s It. I’m Leaving My Teeth in Next Time I Blow You.” – laladypoet
· “They Help Catch the Drool” – Dan
· “Well That’s the Last He’ll See Of the Sagging Sisters” – L
Blonde #1: You know her parents are letting her study abroad next semester?
Blonde #2: Really? Where?
Blonde #1: Ummm, this place that’s near, like… Russia. Like, in China?
Blonde #2: Japan?
Blonde #1: No. Well, yeah, Japan’s in China, but that’s not the one she’s going to.
Blonde #2: India!
Blonde #1: No, but oh my god I totally just remembered! It’s New Zealand!
Blonde #2: New Zealand’s not in Russia, it’s in Australia, stupid.
Brunette passerby: I fear for this planet.
–Astor Place
Overheard by: MistressSilver
