What Brand, Damn It, What Brand?

Girl to friend: I can’t decide which brand of shampoo and conditioner I want this time.
Random shopper, pointing to bottle: Get this kind. It made my pubes soft and wispy.

–CVS Pharmacy, Union Square

Overheard by: hoken chong

Posted on April 22, 2018
Advice, Hair, Strangers, Union Square and East Village

Wednesday One-Liners Say a Mouthful

Loud woman on cell: I suck your dick and we can't be Facebook friends?

–20th St & 6th Ave

Guy to buddies in the passing Skyfari car: Yo, that building over there… That's the building where I got that $5 blowjob.

–Skyfari, Bronx Zoo

Overheard by: Stefan Yonker

Young man, dismissively: I could fucking suck cocks for a living, it doesn't matter!

–St. Mark's Place & 2nd Ave

Middle schooler, wrestling in Aids memorial: Ooops, I sucked your dick!

–Hudson River Park

Overheard by: Nina & Phil

Middle-school girl to mother: My e-mail password is "blowjob".

–L Train

Posted on April 17, 2018
All Wednesday One-Liners, BJs, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Facebook, Friendship, Guys, Hudson River, Internet, Jobs & Careers, Kids, Men, Moms, Money & Class, Nostalgia, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parks, Penis, Prostitution, Questions, The Bronx, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women, Words

Sometimes “Rim Job” Headlines Just Write Themselves

Preppy guy: What's that stuff around the rim of your martini glass?
Trendy girl: Uh…I dunno, it looks like cum.
Preppy guy: Uh… can I get a lick?

–Restaurant, St. Mark's Place

Overheard by: Eliza

Posted on April 17, 2018
Cum, Drinking & Drunk People, Fashionistas, Licking, Offers and requests, Preppies, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness

Homeless Simon Says

Where: 14th St. Between 1st and 2nd

Hobo: Everybody stand up. Stand up!

Posted on April 9, 2018
Hobos, Only in New York, Union Square and East Village

Wednesday One-Liners! They're Just Like Us!

Creepy dad, cheerfully, to seven-year-old daughter: There's only one Lindsay Lohan!

–Downtown 1 train

Overheard by: Harriet Vane

Jewish girl to friend: You know how ever since I got my shnoz done people tell me I look like Amy Winehouse?

–116th St & Broadway

Crazy black guy on bus, to no one in particular: Derek Jeter looks just like Robert Deniro, man… Just like him!

–N6 Bus

Overheard by: looks like paris hilton?

Larger reporter: I'm not going to save clothes that fit me before I gained weight in case I lose it. If I lose weight, I'm going to buy some new damn clothes. I don't want to wear stuff from 1987. I'll look stupid, I'll look like Mischa Barton.

–Midtown Office

Overheard by: you wont be mischa's size

Hipster girl to friend: I mean, I really like him… But he thinks River Phoenix is a place.

–East Village

Posted on March 31, 2018
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Body Parts, Bus, Clothing, Columbia, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Creepsters, Dads, Diet/Weight, Fat People, Friends, Girls, Global Geography, Hipsters, JAPs, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Music, Names, Nose Job, Offers and requests, Office, On the Bus, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Passengers, Physical appearance, Shopping, Street, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Wishes & desires

Like MTV Made, or What?

40-something drunk Italian man in polo short and jeans: They tried to make me a made man when I was 16. Do you get what I'm sayin? I've got fucking connections. I know Duke. I know my brother. I know my dad.
40-something white man in jeans, Hawaiian shirt and long blond wig: No, but these people own the Bronx.
40-something drunk Italian man in polo short and jeans: Why do you have to be a dick? I told you, they tried to make me. I said no, but I still know my dad and Duke. If they try to hit you again, I got you. (yelling) Do you understand what that means? Made man? I was almost made!

–Tompkins Square Park