So Many Possible “Jam” and “Spread” Jokes–The Mind Reels

JAP #1: I hate boys who won’t kiss you after you go down on them.
JAP #2: Yeah, I know. But I don’t kiss boys after they go down on me.
JAP #1: That’s awful! If he can handle it, you should too.
JAP #2: But it’s so bitter! I’m just saying: if they sold a jam the flavor of my vagina, I would not buy it.

–27th & 5th

Posted on December 25, 2014
BJs, Default, Food, JAPs, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Sensory Experiences, Vagina

I’ve Seen that Thing Suck Down Entire Cows

Little girl: I’m hungrier than Mom’s big, fat vagina!
Dad: Well, you must be hungry then.

–MoMA

Posted on December 23, 2014
Dads, Kids, Museums, Vagina

Your Editors Are Somewhat Confused

Dark haired girl #1: No, no, you can have an operation to stitch your cherry back up to have it popped again!
Dark haired girl #2: But you can be born with a vagina like that!

–NYU

Posted on December 17, 2014
Bimbettes, NYU, Surgery, Vagina, Virginity

Her Continued Sexual Conquest Is Like the Miracle of the Loaves and the Fishes

Chick #1: She would do something like that with her crazy ass!
Chick #2: It’s her pussy that’s crazy!
[Much laughter.]Chick #1: Ass, pussy, she don’t care! Everybody gets a piece!

–15th & 5th Ave

Posted on December 15, 2014
Ass, Compare/Contrast, Default, Friends, Girls, Gossip, Insults, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Words

That’s What They Call a “Dildon’t”

Girl #1: How’s your va… [inaudible].
Girl #2: Shhhh.
Girl #1: Your vagina!
Girl #2, flustered: Shhhh!
Girl #1: Didn’t your vibrator break?
[Everyone turns around to stare.]

–Butler Library, Columbia University

Posted on December 13, 2014
Columbia University, Default, Dildos and Vibrators, Etiquette, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Questions, Vagina, Weirdness, Words

Here, Let Me Help You with That

Chick looking at vagina jewelry in sex shop: I don’t understand how you put it on.
Guy: I don’t know… Oh, I see! It goes around your labia majora!

–8th Ave

Posted on December 10, 2014
Couples, Default, Fashion, Girls, Guys, Store, Vagina, Weirdness, Words

And a College Boy Would Never Put That in an Inappropriate Place

Guy #1: Yeah, so I'm going back to the doctor to get the rash checked out. They think I might be allergic to my girlfriend's…
Guy #2, interrupting: Oh god, I don't want to know.
Guy #1: Skin lotion!
Guy #2: Oh.
Guy #1: Dude, what did you think I was about to say? It's on my hand.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: I wasn't thinking it.

Posted on December 10, 2014
Body Parts, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Penis, Vagina, Wishes & desires

It’s Art If I Say It’s Art, Dammit!

Woman: What’s your favorite art supply?
Man: Vagina!

–Union Square

Posted on December 9, 2014
Arts & Letters, Union Square and East Village, Vagina

Wednesday One-Liners, the Forbidden Dance

Tween girl: I mean, she changed her MySpace name to "freaky dancer," I mean, she needs to take that shit off. Seriously, take it off, because I'm the freaky dancer, no one else is the freaky dancer but me.

–Uptown 6 Train

Man: There will be no more dancing tonight. I broke the pole.

–Times Square

Jumpy drunk guy: I have two options. Dance or fall asleep!

–Blackbird Parlour, Brooklyn

Overheard by: ak

Guy: I'm really into Nijinsky…no homo.

–F Train

Weary looking woman on cell: Six and a half hours of burlesque. I didn't think there was such a thing as too much burlesque…but I thought wrong.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: McNasty

College girl: And then I would say: "But do you object? Do you object to my vagina dance?"