Litte boy: Dad, what’s something I can learn?
Dad: Do you know how to use a chainsaw? I can see if I can get the chainsaw working.
–B train
Overheard by: The Bling
Guy #1: How was that class for you? Was it like a war?
Guy #2: For me? It was more like walking through a preschool with a chainsaw.
–181st & Broadway
Hobo: If anyone messes with you in the office, just take the palm of your hand an shove it into his nose. Once he messes with you he ain’t Jerry from accounting no more; he’s an assailant and the rest of the office will respect and fear you.
Woman: How did your last office job work out?
–L train
Overheard by: JDS
Woman: A hundred dollars worth of squeaky toys and you eat garbage off the floor! I don’t get it.
–22nd & 7th
Overheard by: debo
Teenage boy: Once I hit the blind kid that lives downstairs with a ball and I felt so bad but it had me thinking, “what if he got his sight back by me hitting him?”. I would be like, “yo, you have your sight back thanks to me, give me some money.”
–2 train
Girl on cell: Your ass is, like, slightly cuter than my face.
–Union Square
Old creepy guy: You're a pretty lady.
Random lady, walking by: Thanks
Old creep guy: I should kidnap you
–Tour De Brooklyn Rest Site
Overheard by: Amber
Chick on cell: It attacked me this morning. I attacked it this afternoon.
–113th St
Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy
Six-year-old boy on train platform to grown man eyeing him: Stop looking at me or I'm going to beat you up!
–NJ Transit
Overheard by: Turning away now.
Hipster on cell: Wait…so he hit you with the broom first, right?
–60th & Lex
Overheard by: Easy Does It
Shopper on her cell: If one of these little kids steps on my toes one more time I'm gonna pinch the motherfuckers.
–Ikea in Red Hook
Woman in bathroom: No, there's no toilet paper. You wanna throw down?
–Port Authority
Mother: So, if you could be any animal, which do you think would represent you the best? I think a horse fits you.
Daughter: What? A horse? No. I want to be a unicorn.
Mother: You’re mentally ill.
–Balthazar, Spring & Crosby
Overheard by: apples
Girl #1: So I saw Juno the other day, it was really funny.
Girl #2: Yeah, the girl from that movie Hard Candy is in that where she like tortures a pedophile.
Girl #1: Oh yeah! That movie rocked my socks off. Man I would give anything to kick a pedophile in the neck.
–Duane Reade, 34th & 5th
Salesguy #1, about teen crowd blocking the door: Do you want to tell them to leave?
Salesguy #2: No.
Salesguy #1: Why not?
Salesguy #2: Because I don’t want to get my ass whooped, that’s why! [Teens leave a few minutes later.] See, they’re gone! It’s all in the power of positive thinking!
–T-Mobile Store, 732 Broadway
Little girl #1: Don't push me! You shouldn't push! It's rude!
Little girl #2: I did not push you!
Little girl #3: I'm the third party! I didn't do anything!
–Herald Square
Overheard by: The 4th party
Gangsta #1: I’m telling you man, you don’t have to slap the bitch, you just got to spit on her couple times a week.
Gangsta #2: Yeah?
Gangsta #1: Yeah, you don’t wanna leave no bruises cause her moms will fuck you up, but if you spit on her a couple times, she’ll quit willyin’.
–D train
Overheard by: Tim C
