Woman: A hundred dollars worth of squeaky toys and you eat garbage off the floor! I don’t get it.
–22nd & 7th
Overheard by: debo
Teenage boy: Once I hit the blind kid that lives downstairs with a ball and I felt so bad but it had me thinking, “what if he got his sight back by me hitting him?”. I would be like, “yo, you have your sight back thanks to me, give me some money.”
–2 train
Girl on cell: Your ass is, like, slightly cuter than my face.
–Union Square
Old creepy guy: You're a pretty lady.
Random lady, walking by: Thanks
Old creep guy: I should kidnap you
–Tour De Brooklyn Rest Site
Overheard by: Amber
Chick on cell: It attacked me this morning. I attacked it this afternoon.
–113th St
Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy
Six-year-old boy on train platform to grown man eyeing him: Stop looking at me or I'm going to beat you up!
–NJ Transit
Overheard by: Turning away now.
Hipster on cell: Wait…so he hit you with the broom first, right?
–60th & Lex
Overheard by: Easy Does It
Shopper on her cell: If one of these little kids steps on my toes one more time I'm gonna pinch the motherfuckers.
–Ikea in Red Hook
Woman in bathroom: No, there's no toilet paper. You wanna throw down?
–Port Authority
Mother: So, if you could be any animal, which do you think would represent you the best? I think a horse fits you.
Daughter: What? A horse? No. I want to be a unicorn.
Mother: You’re mentally ill.
–Balthazar, Spring & Crosby
Overheard by: apples
Girl #1: So I saw Juno the other day, it was really funny.
Girl #2: Yeah, the girl from that movie Hard Candy is in that where she like tortures a pedophile.
Girl #1: Oh yeah! That movie rocked my socks off. Man I would give anything to kick a pedophile in the neck.
–Duane Reade, 34th & 5th
Salesguy #1, about teen crowd blocking the door: Do you want to tell them to leave?
Salesguy #2: No.
Salesguy #1: Why not?
Salesguy #2: Because I don’t want to get my ass whooped, that’s why! [Teens leave a few minutes later.] See, they’re gone! It’s all in the power of positive thinking!
–T-Mobile Store, 732 Broadway
Little girl #1: Don't push me! You shouldn't push! It's rude!
Little girl #2: I did not push you!
Little girl #3: I'm the third party! I didn't do anything!
–Herald Square
Overheard by: The 4th party
Gangsta #1: I’m telling you man, you don’t have to slap the bitch, you just got to spit on her couple times a week.
Gangsta #2: Yeah?
Gangsta #1: Yeah, you don’t wanna leave no bruises cause her moms will fuck you up, but if you spit on her a couple times, she’ll quit willyin’.
–D train
Overheard by: Tim C
Teenage girl #1: Whatever happened to that ShamWow guy?
Teenage girl #2: I think he got beat up by some prostitutes or something.
–10th & Broadway
Teacher: My father always told me, "Never run away from a fight. If the guy's bigger than you, hit him. If he gets back up, hit him again. If he gets back up again, hit him with a garbage can. If he still gets back up, run like hell, 'cause this dude's gonna kill you!"
–Stuyvesant High School
Teacher: Okay. Emergency procedures. If the fire bell rings, we run like hell.
–Stuyvesant High School
Overheard by: Goober
Chinese teacher (referring to Sichuan earthquake): They had a saying after the earthquake happened that originates from a male part. "People are supposed to rise up, and get hard!" …and be strong.
–Bard High School Early College
Math teacher: Give me your little men!
–Spence School
English teacher: I could be charged with child abuse in some states for teaching grammar in 90-degree weather. (student is silent) I'm not going to hit you.
–Brooklyn Tech
Overheard by: Julie
