Violence

Thug dad to toddler after bumping stroller down stairs: I call that there ride ‘The Earthquake.’ You like that? … Well, see, you’re too young to appreciate the magnitude of what just happened.

–A train

Overheard by: Stephie

Ghetto mom to seven-year-old kid: You don’t know how to hustle! You ain’t no hustler, she ain’t no hustler… No hustlin’.

–137th & Broadway

Overheard by: should she be saying that to a 7 year old?

Mom to eight-year-old daughter: This is not about apostrophes! This is about verbal agreement!

–F train at Broadway-Lafayette

Mom to son climbing on ferry railing: You wanna jump? I’ll throw you. Then I ain’t gotta buy you no Power Ranger.

–Staten Island Ferry

Overheard by: autumn

Mother to three-year-old trailing behind: Stay close, baby, you know how ferry men like to take little boys.

–Whitehall Staten Island Ferry Terminal

Overheard by: Ryn

Mom: Boy, don’t you listen? I swear, I will tear your ass up on this bus in front of everyone if you don’t behave. [Kid ignores her, and mom pulls out cell.] Fine, I’ll call Santa on yo’ misbehavin’ ass.

–BX 21 bus

Woman holding child’s hand: You’re my daughter, right? Okay, good.

–Port Authority

Overheard by: Nervous

Woman in sweats: I liked playing Scrabble with her… She killed her daughter with a hammer and a shovel.
Man in sweats: Yeah?
Woman in sweats: Well, she beat her first with the hammer and then the shovel.
Man in sweats: Huh.

–5th Ave & Prospect Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: dusdin

Very drunk girl: I just want to punch you in the fucking face right now.
Sober friend: Oh, no! Don’t do that!
Very drunk girl: Okay, I’ll just kiss you ever so gently on the face instead.

–43rd & 9th

Overheard by: Panoli

Man, slamming on hood of taxi inching forward: Hey! I’m walkin’ here! [Turns to people behind him] Where’s that from?
Lady passerby: Midnight Cowboy!

–50th & Broadway

Chick: I hooked up with everyone. I even hooked up with my dealer.
Dude: Yeah, you did.
Chick: But I had to break up — he was too thuggish.

–1 train

10-year-old boy #1: So, I’ll beat up the boys, and you beat up the girls.
10-year-old boy #2: Yeah! I love hitting girls!

–78th & 4th, Bay Ridge

Overheard by: Becka

Chick #1: I wonder why they call it TP-ing a house…
Chick #2: Maybe it stands for ‘toilet paper.’
Chick #1: That doesn’t make any sense!

–74th & Broadway

Overheard by: Kirby J

Conductor: Due to an incident, the L train is now running at a slower speed.
Chick, to friend: You see?! You see?! It’s always a body with the L train. With the L train it’s always a body.

–L train, 6th Ave

Overheard by: Hannah

Dude #1: The Japanese can’t be that racist!
Dude #2: All I’m saying is, drop another couple of nukes on them and they’re still going to hate the blacks.

–Eastchester & Morris Park, Bronx

Two-year-old boy into broken cell: Hello? Hello?
Mom: That’s right!
Two-year-old boy: Mommy? Mommy! Mommy!
Mom: Honey, no yelling!
Two-year-old boy, whispering: Mommy! Mommy! [Turns the cell around, using it as a gun.] Bam! Bam! Bam, bam, bam! [Starts ‘shooting’ passengers.] Bam! Bam! Bam!
Mom: Honey! No acts of violence!

–Brooklyn-bound Q train

Overheard by: