Woman: Hey! Hey! I know who started the fight! You wanna know?!
Cop: Yeah, sure.
Woman: Actually, I don’t know. Hahaha. I’m going home right now to watch porn, I don’t even care! Haha.
Cop: Wow.
–Broad and Bay, Staten Island
Overheard by: Brandi
Woman: Hey! Hey! I know who started the fight! You wanna know?!
Cop: Yeah, sure.
Woman: Actually, I don’t know. Hahaha. I’m going home right now to watch porn, I don’t even care! Haha.
Cop: Wow.
–Broad and Bay, Staten Island
Overheard by: Brandi
Hipster Pee-wee Herman lookalike to friend: Oh, and when I give her anilingus to let me direct a show? You're totally gonna be in it!
–Q Train
Overheard by: Flea
Man: I believe some of this will be made up.
–Going into Wicked, Broadway
Overheard by: CAM
Black highschool girl: Oh my god, why do they keep singing?
—In the Heights, Broadway Musical
Overheard by: Cookie
Woman in Jersey accent: Is this the one about the boy who wants to be a horse or the girl who wants to be a fish?
–At Equus, Broadhurst Theatre
Overheard by: HarlemRy
Daniel Radcliffe fan girl: I have to be in this show some day. Even if I'm eighty, I gotta be in this show with him. I'd be like, "put it in me! Put it in me!"
–At Equus, Broadhurst Theatre
Overheard by: Nikki
Man leaving Hair: Well, that beats the hell outta Shakespeare!
–Outside Delacorte Theater, Central Park
Guy: I mean, you don't really need a shotgun to kill deer. I think a bow and arrow is much cooler.
Girl: Totally.
–Otto's, 14th & B
Overheard by: HaleyBailey
Twitchy dude to no one in particular: What? You selling something? What you selling? You all are devils! Devil worshipers! Bunch of devil worshipers! Devils, devils, devils! See you in hell! Oh…I won't be there, though.
–C Train
Hipster girl on cell: No, the black marks are from me cheating on you with Satan. (pause) Yeah, now I'm pregnant and he won't marry me.
–23rd & 5th
Overheard by: Louisa
Young guy on cell, about video game: I gave them my soul. I gave them my soul! See, my soul legally belongs to you, so you tricked them. (pause) Give him his soul! Give him his soul! What? What? Too late!
–93rd St, Bay Ridge
Screaming man with ashes on forehead to man walking past on Ash Wednesday: You're going to hell you motherfucker!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: BK
Woman on cell: Satan don't wear no panties, negro. That shit flies free.
–Astoria, Queens
Overheard by: Celia
Guy, in chinese: Do you think I'm Harry Potter?
–Vivi Bubble Tea Bar
Girl on cell outside art bar: And I was like "Dumbledore, try some jeans."
–8th Ave & Horatio St
Overheard by: Jean Ann
Cute girl graduating to friend: I hate gowns… How does Harry Potter stand it?
–Columbia University Business School Graduation
Overheard by: Jen
Guy, after watching new Harry Potter movie: Man… that's it? That was a lap dance!
–42nd Street Movie Theater
Crazy woman wrapped in shawls: I'd kidnap and fuck Harry Potter for an eight ball of coke. (to onlooker) Why aren't you at work?
–Brooklyn Theater
Overheard by: JesseJack (I've got a Job)
White teacher to ninth grade class: Okay, everyone, drop your papers on my desk. Drop it like it's hot!
Latino student (laughing): Miss, you can't say things like “drop it like it's hot”!
White teacher: Why not?
Latino student: 'cause you're white! White people don't say things like “drop it like it's hot”. White people say things like “neat!” and “there is no “I” in team”.
–The Bronx
Concerned girl crossing street: But the light says “Don't walk”!
Amused friend: Right…so we run!
–Broadway & Houston
Overheard by: I was sauntering, personally
Suit #1: Do you want a drink?
Suit #2: It's 7 o'clock in the morning.
Suit #1: And…?
–E 44th & Lex
Overheard by: Cran
Creepy guy: Hey! Excuse me miss, are you single?
Woman: Umm… why?
Creepy guy: Well, I want to have an interaction with a single woman, but I don't wanna get involved if she has a man in her life.
Woman: Well, in that case, I'm not single.
–Q Train
Headline by: JR
Runners-Up:
· “And I’m Not Really a Woman Either” – NonQ-Train Rider
· “And Then He Resorted to Blasting Beyonce’s “Single Ladies” Everywhere He Went” – patticakes
· “How Accountants Get Married” – Safe
· “It’s Like Prom All Over Again” – lisha
· “Shockingly, This Didn’t End the Conversation” – mac
· “Too Bad, ‘Cause I’m Really an Eccentric Millionaire” – PeterG
Girl #1: I hooked up with Aaron on Friday. It was weird.
Girl #2: Hot Aaron or stupid Aaron?
Girl #1: Stupid Aaron.
Girl #2: Oh, my god, he is so hot.
–MAC Cosmetics, Spring Street
