Scrooge McDuck’s Wednesday One-Liners

Fashionista to another: It didn’t taste that good, but I really needed the money.

–Madison Ave

Overheard by: John Galt Jr.

Fashion student: The thing I can’t stand about fine arts is how obsessed with money it’s become… Yeah, so I’m leaving the program to study advertising.

–Whole Foods, Union Square

Overheard by: nova scotia

Security guard to another: I ain’t here for the money. I’m here for the fuckin’ prestige.

–Westminster Dog Show, Madison Square Garden

Overheard by: Amber Star

White chick on cell: Hi, honey! How are you? Are you being tickled by coins? Are you being tickled by coins?!

–LaGuardia Airport

Overheard by: mela

Guy on corner: Can you spare any change or frequent flyer miles?

–14th & 6th

Overheard by: Scientific

Frumpy lady to Joey Ramone lookalike: I’m feeling awfully constipated, baby! Constipated with money is the way I like to be!

–3rd Ave, Bay Ridge

Posted on October 31, 2014
Airports, All Wednesday One-Liners, Arts & Letters, At the Airport, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Default, Fashionistas, Girls, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Jobs & Careers, Madison Square Garden, Money & Class, Offers and requests, On Cell, Panhandling, Penn Station, Questions, Rich people, Security Guards, Store, Street, Students, Travel, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Weirdness, White People, Women

How Much Is That Wednesday One-Liner in the Window?

50-something Long Island woman, showing pictures of her dog while talking non-stop about it: And this is Cici wearing a hat, she usually wears a hat when she goes out. And this is Cici, very drunk…

–LIRR

Overheard by: Adam Nathan

Guy on cell walking a tiny poodle: Dude! The dog did it again. (pause) No, I swear, dude. The. Dog. Did. It. Again. (pause) Dude! This dog talks. Talks.

–Broadway & 43rd St, Astoria

(little girl finishes petting a stranger's dog)
Girl's mother: Now say "thank you" to its human.

–Central Park Lawn

Hyper tween schoolgirl: Hey mom, remember when we brought the dog to the mall and he peed in a coconut?

–La Pallette, 12th St

Guy to friend: I love her more than anything, but something about the way her puppy's paws smell really seal it.

–Rosa's Pizza, Penn Station

Overheard by: Craig

Posted on October 31, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Central Park, Clothing, Drinking & Drunk People, Family Ties, Friends, Guys, Kids, Love, Man's Best Friend, Moms, On Cell, One-liners, Pee, Penn Station, Pictures, Restaurants & Cafes, Sensory Experiences, Trains Not Subway, Trees and plants, Tweens, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Women

You Mean, Like, the Champagne Of Beers?

Girl #1: I think they have a lot of craft beers here.
Girl #2: Yeah, too bad I only drink champagne.

–Croxley Ale House

Overheard by: Joey Breakfast

Posted on October 31, 2014
Bars & Clubs, Drinking & Drunk People, Girls, Philosophy, Weirdness

I Think They Were Talking About Hearing Aids

Teen girl #1: I hated those guys sitting behind us. I just wanted to bash their heads in!
Teen girl #2: What? The HIV people?
Teen girl #1: Wait…what?

–Paley's Museum of Radio and Television

Posted on October 31, 2014
AIDS, Gripes, More museums, Questions, Teens, Violence, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

The Gossip Girl Scene That Never Made It to Air

Teen boy #1: I don't like any of her family except her mom. She's okay.
Teen boy #2: Her mom is crazy, yo. I want to rape her with this umbrella. I bet you if I fucked her, she wouldn't even remember, she's so crazy. Wouldn't it be cool if there were a hot chick, like 21, with Alzheimer's and you fucked the shit out of her and then the next day she couldn't remember?

–Q44 Bus

Overheard by: Collegiate Cutie

Posted on October 30, 2014
Crazy, Family Ties, Health and Hygiene, On the Bus, Rape, Sex, Teens, Weirdness

Just Discreetly Poison Yourself at Home Like a Lady

NYU girl #1: … Like those people who kill themselves by throwing themselves onto the subway tracks.
NYU girl #2: Yeah, right? I mean, I know you want to die and everything, but could you like not make me late??

–NYU Bus

Overheard by: wow

Posted on October 30, 2014
Default, Girls, NYU, On the Bus, Public Transportation, Stupidity, Suicide, Time, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

It's Made Him Selfish

Girl #1: So yeah, he's been telling my mom every time I fuck up.
Girl #2: Ugh. How old is he, even?
Girl #1: Like 40, maybe 50-ish.
Girl #2: So why, like, do you just not tell him to fuck off?
Girl #1: I want to, but he's been acting all bad-ass since he got cancer.

–Greenpoint YMCA

Overheard by: Anwar

Posted on October 30, 2014
Age/Aging, Brooklyn, Cancer, Girls, Insults, Parents, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

We Prefer to Be Called Immigrants

Guy #1: I don’t think aliens are aliens.
Guy #2: Oh no. Me neither.
Guy #1: I think aliens are just regular people who evolved a different way.
Guy #2: I have always believed that. Everyone knows that.

–Astor Place