Guy: I was reading the script, trying to figure out which part to read for the audition, but they're all so…
Girl: Disturbed?
Guy: Right! Like, my first thought was the albino dwarf, but he's planning to kill someone, so… obviously not.
–68th & 2nd
Overheard by: ultra-condensed movies
Subway announcement: Service changes will affect the “d” as in “Darby” line and “v” as in “victim” line.
Tourist mom to family: Honey, I don't think it's safe to take the subway, let's get out.
–Prince Street Subway Stop
Little boy: I know three things about aliens. One, they don’t have hair. Two, they don’t have mouths. Three, they don’t have privates.
20-something: Then how do you know if it’s a boy or a girl alien?
Little boy: Um, they’re not boys or girls. They’re its… Or she-males.
20-something: Where did you learn ‘she-males’ from?!
Little boy: Third Avenue.
–N train
Hobo #1: Hey, how's it going?
Hobo #2: Okay.
Hobo #1: I'll call you tonight!
Hobo #2: I don't have a phone.
Hobo #1: I know.
–Astoria
Overheard by: Natalie
Mother, after listening to child talking nonstop: You are so bizarre.
Six-year-old boy, seriously: I eat bugs.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Good to Know
Loud teenage guidette: He doesn’t date!
Ugly teenage guidette: Yeah, he’s gay or something. I heard—yeah.
Loud teenage guidette: No, no, he’s protestant—like religious. They worship this Chinese guy…
Ugly teenage guidette: Oh, I heard about that! They don’t date?
Loud teenage guidette: They don’t date white people.
–Starbucks
Crazy hobo with guitar to stranger: Damn… you invited a lot of people.
–1 Train
Hobo to young married couple: I have found the promised land. Seriously. I'd get a plane ticket right now, but it'd be cheaper to go to confession for a week and then get hit by a bus. Remind me to tell you about this later.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Oliver
Grimy hobo: Hey, do you guys have any change? Hey, do you guys have any change?
(20-something girl walks past him, with businessman a few steps behind) Hey, do you guys want to have sex? Uh, I mean…
–W 3rd & Thompson
Hobo, taking donations to help the homeless, counting coins: 25…50…60… (grabs fistful of coins sticks in pocket) Tax rebate!
–Union Square
Old man: I'm picking up a big-legged woman in Stamford.
Conductor: Oh, that's good.
Old man: Yeah, she's 300 pounds.
Conductor: Okay.
Old man: Yes. A very large woman is waiting for me in Stamford.
Conductor: Sounds like you're excited.
Old man: Yeah, and she has a rack, too!
–Metro-North Rail
Overheard by: Reilly
Dude on cell: Alright, listen up. If the guy gets up and walks away, he's not dead. If you come back and he's still lying there, he's dead, you follow? So, in that situation you are just going to go through the motions like we discussed.
–23th & 7th
Overheard by: mel
Random man on bicycle to doorman: You never know when you're going to eat a bad mushroom and die.
–87th St & York Ave
Overheard by: Critter
Jersey woman, looking at a case with brains that suffered from major stroke: Oh my gawd… They probably died from that!
–Bodies The Exhibition, South St Seaport
Guy shopping in art supply on a cell: So you're banking on dying young, then?
–Art Store, Williamsburg
Spacey old guy to friends, calmly: I want to murder that guy. (even more calmly) I've got bloodlust in my heart.
–9th St b/w 1st & 2nd
Overheard by: JKW
Woman on cell: You want to be cremated, right? (pause) Well, then what the hell are we going to do with you?
–Park Ave
Girl #1: I keep getting urinary tract infections.
Girl #2: Well, maybe he has a dirty penis.
Girl #1: No, I wash it for him in the shower.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Susan
