Threeway One-Liners

Sulky waitress at family restaurant, complaining about management: I could be home right now having a threesome, but Chris won't let me leave.

–Astoria, Queens

Overheard by: Inkling

35-year-old camp Asian man on cell: Yo, girl! (pause) Hell no, I have no idea what shit went down last night. (pause) Oh-em-gee! All I know is I woke up with five guys.

–R Train

Overheard by: Abby and Holly

20-something college boy: I mean, there's no "I" in "threesome."

–Union Square

Guy to his friends: Yeah, I haven't decided what guy I would tag-team a girl with yet.

–Hairy Monk, 25th & 3rd

African American guy to hipster girl: It was the worst orgy I've ever been to. Nothing but kids and clothes everywhere you looked.

–48th St & Broadway

Overheard by: RevLina, The Pain-Proof Girl

Posted on January 25, 2022
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Astoria, Baristas, Bars & Clubs, Black People, Compare/Contrast, Frat Boys, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Orgy, Parks, Sexuality, Street, Stupidity, Three is Company, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Get Some Pussy

Hipster chick with "valley girl" accent: Ya, like, ohmigod, ewwwwww… So I was reading Cosmo, and like, there was this story, about like, guys' confessions, you know? And like, this random guy actually said, like, "Sometimes, I rub my dick on my cat's fur, and it feels good."

–Washington Square Park

10-year-old girl to another: I bet his idea of a hot girl is the crazy cat lady across the street.

–34th St, Astoria

Overheard by: Samantha

Woman to another: I have a friend in Belgium now–we both have cats!

–One World Financial Center

Overheard by: macgeekgrl

Brunette on phone: Do you want to play with your cat or do you want to play with me?

–60th St b/w Park & Madison

Overheard by: Adam B.

20-something on cell: And when I woke up, I had no idea where I was. Then I realized I was spooning his cat.

–Houston & Broadway

Overheard by: J Cox

Posted on January 17, 2022
Astoria, Beastiality, Bimbettes, Friendship, Gay Man's Best Friend, Girls, Hipsters, Kids, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Penis, Physical appearance, Pop Culture, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Upper East Side, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Like, 90% Of the Kansas Population Is Just Cardboard Cutouts

(two 30-something white guys coming back from the gym on Saturday night)
Guy #1: I mean, New York is real. Boston is real. Everywhere else in America, it isn't real.
Guy #2: Totally.

–W 82nd & Broadway

Posted on January 15, 2022
Guys, Street, U.S. Geography, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness

His Friends Don't Have the Heart to Tell Him It's a Mr. Peanut Costume

Boy #1: What are you gonna be?
Boy #2: Soul of the devil.
Boy #1: What were you last year?
Boy #2, annoyed: Soul of the devil.
Boy #1: And the year before that?
Boy #2: Soul of the devil! I always go as soul of the devil.
Boy #1: What's soul of the devil?
Boy #2: This character I made up. He's like a lawyer for the devil. I have a cane.

–Park Slope, Brooklyn

Posted on January 13, 2022
Boys, Park Slope, Questions, Satan, Weirdness

Use a Wednesday, So You Don't Get One-Linered Up

Man helping woman carry stroller down stairs: If you had taken the bloody pill when you said you were taking it, we wouldn't be in this mess in the first place.

–Broadway-Lafayette B/D/F/V Station

Overheard by: Jon A.

Man walking with girlfriend, loudly: Wait, did you bring your diaphragm?

–Times Square

Loud woman on cell: How many times do you have to have sex, and have a baby, before you realize: "If I have sex without a condom I will get someone pregnant."? Seriously!

–Broadway & 103rd St

Overheard by: Amy

Guy on phone: I always tell people that sex with you with a condom is better than sex with other girls without a condom.

–Outside Trader Joe's, 14th St

Zoo guide: This zoo likes to be careful with breeding animals by taking into account genes and the like. But then again, Zippy–the baby snow monkey–came along. So be careful with your birth control.

–Central Park Zoo, by the Snow Monkeys

Girl to another: I just don't see why we can't make our own condoms.

–14th St & 4th Ave

Posted on January 10, 2022
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Babies, Central Park, Clerks, Compare/Contrast, Condoms, Girlfriends, Girls, Guys, Hook Ups, Men, On Cell, One-liners, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Sex, Should've Used a Condom, Store, Street, Stupidity, Subway stations, platforms, etc., The Village, Times Square, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Women

That's Brilliant! Let's Make Out!

Worried girl: I don't know what to do. I just met her, but she texts me non stop. Once I got off the plane, I had a text from her saying: “how's New York?” I didn't respond. It's weird.
Guy: Does she think you're a dyke?
Worried girl: I don't know. I told her my boyfriend and I broke up. I don't know why she'd think that.
Other girl: You should've responded to her text saying something like: “New York is great, I'm just sucking on some guy's dick right now.”

–Meatpacking District

Posted on January 9, 2022
BJs, Breaking Up, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Penis, Questions, Relationships, Weirdness

NYC Rule: Ask Permission to Photograph the Natives

Suit, after taking cashier’s photo on his cellphone: See how photogenic you are?
Cashier: Why did he just take a picture of me?
Next customer: That was creepy.
Barista: That was creepy.

–Starbucks, E 51st St

Overheard by: Chuckell

Posted on January 7, 2022
Starbucks, Suits, Weirdness

Imagine Whomever You Like. That’s What I Do.

Guy: I really wanna kiss you right now.
Girl: So who does that make you: my uncle or my dad?

–Bar, Carroll Gardens

Posted on January 5, 2022
Bars & Clubs, Brooklyn, Creepsters, Family Ties, Girls, Guys, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Stupidity, Weirdness

Some People Take Extreme Stances on Dildo Use.

Suit: And then guess what I told her?
Creep: Plastic poison!
Suit: Exactly!
Creep: He-he-he.

–Starbucks

Posted on December 31, 2021
Creepsters, Health and Hygiene, Laughter, Starbucks, Suits, Weirdness

I Can’t Promise They’re Razorblade-Free, Though

Two-year-old boy: Mommy, I’m hungry.
Young mother: Okay honey, do you want some animal crackers when we get home?
Two-year-old boy: (sighs deeply) Okayyy, are they organic?
Young mother: Oh, of course they are! (hugs him reassuringly).

–Downtown E Train

Overheard by: Miki

Posted on December 28, 2021
Boys, Default, Food, Kids, Moms, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Weirdness

Weirdness