Wednesday One-Liners Have More Stomachs Than a Cow

Teen boy: I like touching fat people.

–69th St & 5th Ave, Bay Ridge

Overheard by: Jon A.

Guy to friends: So I was on the subway the other day and I was counting some guys’ chins and I realized, I’m just not a nice person.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: CUMT

Large black woman on cell: Of course I’m loud, I’m fat!

–25th & 8th

Overheard by: Beckerman

Chick to guy: I’m thinking of keeping it, as an excuse to get fat.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Ladle

30-something with heavy NYC accent: Ya know, if I had to do high school all over again, I woulda fucked a fat chick. I wouldna cared so much.

–34th & 5th

Man yelling on cell: I would be so much better at Jeopardy then her! Her fat Indian hands can’t hit the button as fast as I can!

–35rd St & 5th Ave

Female house manager: He comes over and he’s like: "What are you doing?" and I said: "My job." and he goes: "You’re fat."

–Theater, St Mark’s Place

Overheard by: Mariah

Posted on September 4, 2014
9 to 5-ers, Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Body Parts, Boys, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Diet/Weight, Education, Friends, Guys, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Men, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, Physical appearance, Questions, School and studying, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Teens, Theater, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness, Women

Tough Talk from a Girl Who Paid to See The Lake House

Chick with headset directing sidewalk traffic: Excuse me. Please cross the street here… You can’t pass here…
20-ish chick: What are you guys filming?
Chick with headset: Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2.
20-ish chick: Hahaha! That shit sucks! Hahaha!

–E 8th St & University Pl

Posted on August 17, 2014
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Movies, The Village

Wednesday One-Liners Take the SocioPATH Train

Suit on cell: It's not that I don't like people, I just think that they're expendable.

–Union Square Cafe

20-something to visiting family: We are about to go up a bunch of stairs. If you complain, you will be pushed back down them.

–Mulberry & Canal

Laughing suit to others: So, yeah, I just stepped over the body.

–42nd St & 5th Ave

Mother to small crying child: Honey, I did listen to you, but I can't make myself care.

–V Train

Overheard by: Hunter

Posted on August 12, 2014
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Assholes, Compare/Contrast, Crying, Families, Kids, Laughter, Little Italy, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, On Cell, On the Subway, Only in New York, Parents, Restaurants & Cafes, Street, Stupidity, Suits, Threats, Union Square and East Village, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners

NY: the Melting Pot

Russian Man: Don’t push.
Spanish Lady: This is the subway. What do you expect?
Russian Man: Well, you don’t have to push.
Spanish Lady: Welcome to New York City!
Russan Woman: Yeah, welcome to New York City.
Spanish Lady: You welcoming me? You’re the one with the accent!

–L Train

Posted on August 6, 2014
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Foreigners, On the Subway, Only in New York, Violence

…And She Votes

Teen with Bright Future: What’s that? Now that I’ve become pregnant people think that I don’t fight. Come here. I’ll kick your fucking ass, bitch.

–14th Street

Posted on August 1, 2014
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Kick, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Should've Used a Condom, Teens

Now Shut the Fuck Up, You Unwanted Accident

Little Girl: Mommy, why do people in New York always wear black?
Mommy: I don’t know. Maybe they just don’t like looking pretty.

–Upper East Side

Posted on July 21, 2014
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Clothing, Kids, Upper East Side

Don’t Forget Their Fatty Salads!

New Yorker (to tourist): …And this is McDonald’s. They make hamburgers.

–LES

Posted on July 12, 2014
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Lower East Side, Tourism

One Man’s Cult is Another Man’s, Um, Cult

Scientologist: Ma’am, are you interested in taking a free stress test?
Woman: Hell no. I don’t need no freako to tell me I’m stressed. I already know that.

–Union Square station

Posted on July 9, 2014
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Psychology, Union Square and East Village

Most New York Conversation Ever

Dude #1: I want a new printer but they’re too expensive.
Dude #2: Yeah, I know what you mean. I want to find a good cheap one.
Homeless busybody: Cheap?! That’s why you’re a fucking Jew!
Dude #2: Actually I’m not Jewish, but I’m glad you’re homeless!

–W. 4th St.

Posted on July 9, 2014
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Hobos, Jews, Money & Class, People

This Is Why Our Editor Loves His Neighborhood

American woman: Don’t push me. I saw you trying to get ahead of me!
Russian woman: What you talking about? I did not.
American woman: You did, too! You’re all the same, so goddamn pushy.
Russian woman: What, what you think I am? Look at me! What you think I am? What I look like to you?
American woman: Well, I’d say you look like a fat big mouthed bleach blonde bitch whore!
Russian woman: What? I get my husband on you!
American woman: Go ahead! I’m sure he’s home and not working. You’re all here for a free handout!

The Russian woman storms out to find her husband.

American woman: What did she want? She asked what do I look like so I told her. I was only being honest!

–Bensonhurst

Overheard by: Deborah Olin

Posted on January 7, 2014
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Brooklyn, Foreigners, Insults

Ahhh! Real New Yorkers