Wednesday One-Liners Bottom Out

JAP: I was thinking about getting some Botox in my back so my ass doesn’t swim around so much.

–4th & Broadway

Overheard by: Will

Loud dude: Yes, I’m very sure that I have dimples in my ass.

–75th & Broadway

Overheard by: Adele G

Dude to cute chick walking away: I don’t care! I’ll put hickies on both your butt cheeks!

–DeKalb & Atlantic Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: bit

Bag lady to hobo: I ain’t kiddin’. There’s a teenage mutant ninja turtle battling out of my ass.

–20th & Park Ave South

Overheard by: ninjanr

30-ish lady: Oh, god, why won’t my ass stop twitching?

–Q train, Church Ave

Overheard by: Rez

Fan to Beyoncé: Yo, Beyoncé, baby — they is childrens starvin’ in Bolivia! Why don’t you give ’em some o’ dat be-hin’?!

–Outside MTV studios

Posted on April 4, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Illegal Chinese Fireworks

A two year old Chinese girl decided to squat on a manhole cover.

Chinese Mom: What are you doing?! That will warm up your butt and it will burst into flames!

–66th & Columbus

Overheard by: Todd Seavey

Posted on April 4, 2015
Ass, Fire, Kids, Moms, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

…While Thinking Of Elephants.

Guy #1: You know that video with the guys and the elephants with the butt sex?
Guy #2: Yeah, that must hurt. What about the one with the black guys?
Guy #1: Oh, the one with the BJs?
(later)
Guy #2: When I was younger I used to masturbate with my friend. We would put a pillow between us and jack off.

–B1 Bus

Posted on April 4, 2015
Animals & Nature, Ass, Backdoor, BJs, Bus, Guys, Masturbation, On the Bus, Weirdness

The Financing of Wednesday One-liners

Street salesman: Come over, buy yourself a belt. If you got a big butt, buy two belts.

–Brooklyn Heights

Posted on April 1, 2015
Ass, Brooklyn, Business and Commerce, Fashion, One-liners, Vendors & Street Performers

Anal Penetration: The Universal Language

Guy to friends: My goal in life is to get as many dicks in my ass as possible.
Random girl: Mine too!

–Canal St

Posted on April 1, 2015
Ass, Backdoor, Friends, Girls, Guys, Penis, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weirdness

The Prayer Dr. Phil Says for Oprah Every Night

Black queer: Bitch, you better shut up, because Shana does so much more than you.
Fag hag: Oh no, I'm not dissing Shana at all–I love that bitch.
Black queer: I know, right? Shana is amazing. I'm so glad she's not dead.
Fag hag: Me too.
Black queer: So glad she's not dead. God bless her sassy black ass.

–1 Train

Posted on March 29, 2015
Ass, Black People, Death, Fag Hags, Nicknames & name calling, On the Subway, Queers, Weirdness

What Would Gay M&M’s Do without Them?

Girl #1: Why didn’t you want your picture with the M&M?
Girl #2: I don’t know.
Girl #1: I would have gotten my picture with him and promptly placed my hand on his ass.
Girl #2: Do M&Ms have asses?

–M&M Store

Posted on March 29, 2015
Ass, Girls, Store

Wednesday One-Liners Suffer the Heartache of Gringo Hips

Four-year-old girl to nanny: No, princesses don't get tickled. They just dance and get married.

–North Williamsburg

Overheard by: anti-feminist

White girl in hoodie: If I see any of the other girls there want to dance with you they'd better watch out, 'cause it's stab-a-slut Sunday.

–J Train

Short guy with greasy hair: Yo, this girl was like, "wanna dance?" and I was like "okay," so she started dancing mad good. She was grinding up against me with her ass.

–3rd Ave & 71st, Brooklyn

Gay guy on cell in long line during Circuit City closeout: Does it have speakers? Because I like to dance in my room, and I like to feel the music. It's really cold, so I like to dance in my room, you know?

–Circuit City, Union Square

Drunk girl to Guido she knocked heads with while dancing: I'm a drinker, not a dancer!

–Hook & Ladder Pub, Murray Hill

Overheard by: also a drinker

Professor: I'm of the personal opinion that anything counts for art. Take, for example, Nelly's "Hot in Here." We have an admonition of certain weather conditions and an entreaty for certain members of a demographic to react within a certain way, and a compliant voice replies, "I am getting so hot, I'm gonna take my clothes off." This piece of art demonstrates how much easier life would be if getting a woman naked was that easy. And also, it makes me dance, and as we know, hips don't lie.

–NYU Bobst Library

Overheard by: queenofscots