Yuppie #1: It's like giving head to a gummie bear. You know what I mean?
Yuppie #2: I know, I know…
–4th St & 6th Ave
Yuppie #1: It's like giving head to a gummie bear. You know what I mean?
Yuppie #2: I know, I know…
–4th St & 6th Ave
Chick riding down escalator: I can’t believe Andrea left work at 5:30 today.
Thug riding up escalator: Bitch had to leave to go suck my dick!
Chick and friend, gasping: Oh my god!
Thug, to thug friend: She gotta climb that corporate ladder somehow, yo!
–53rd & Lex station
Guy into cell: Uh huh, he knows it’s an 8-track, right? He knows how to work with one of those?…Now listen. I want to make this crystal clear. I want to make sure that he fully understands what I’m about to say. There is to be no sucking dick before studio time. Does he understand this?
–8th St. & Greene
Overheard by: PSL
Guido: It just depends where you put your penis.
–South Street Seaport
Guido on cell: Can I get a blowjob with that too? (pause) Mmmm ,yeah. Where are you right now?
–Wagner College
Overheard by: Ferch
Guido: I'm about to go back to Men's Warehouse and be like, "what the fuck?"
–51st St & Park Ave
Overheard by: Confabulation Nation
Puerto Rican girl: That's it! Koreans are like Asian Guidos! Except they don't tan…
–59th & 10th
Overheard by: shawn
Hot girl #1: He was into weird shit.
Hot girl #2: Like what?
Hot girl #1: Well, nothing too crazy. Just unusual stuff. Like, he liked me to say degrading things to him as I was blowing him. If it wasn't sufficiently degrading he couldn't get off.
Hot girl #2: That is weird.
Hot girl #1: Yeah, and I mean, for one, I'm not really comfortable with that; and second, it's really hard to talk with a dick in your mouth.
Hot girl #2, seriously: Totally.
–Wine Bar, East Village
Overheard by: I've noticed this too.
Guy #1: He knew he was gay!
Guy #2: He didn't know he was. He couldn't accept it.
Guy #1: Well, he accepted enough to suck a dick!
–24th & 7th
Hobo #1: I apologize. I apologize. I apologize that she sucked my dick and I kissed her!
Hobo #2, mumbling: I apologize that I sucked my dick and kissed…
–McDonald's, 104th St & Broadway
Student #1: Dyking it out with Kayla is my alibi.
Student #2: I thought it was “blowing the professor.”
Student #1: No, that's only if the first alibi fails.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Someone
Girl eating falafel: This is the grossest thing I've ever had in my mouth.
Boyfriend: Really? Are you sure?
–1st Ave
20-something girl to friend: I mean, my husband never asked me a direct question; so I never had to lie. He never said, "what were you doing today at 3 pm?" so I didn't ever have to respond,"screwing my new boyfriend in a Lower East Side apartment that we just rented."
–Max Cafe, Morningside Heights
Girl on cell: This time I'll respect the fact that you're engaged.
–St. Mark's & 1st
Overheard by: spead
White guy to Asian guy: But no sex, because she has a boyfriend… But head is okay…
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: GreenwichSandwich
Man shouting on cell: I'm a spic?! Well, you're a Jew! Besides, how was I supposed to know you had a husband?
–5th Ave & 90th St
30-something guy to another: So I asked this girl if she had any friends she could hook me up with and she responded with an emailed .pdf of names, pictures, phone numbers and a short blurb about each girl. The funniest part was this one girl, it said: "has boyfriend, will fuck other people."
–Union Square West
Overheard by: Brian
