Chick #1: Yeah, I was hoping to get all these painkillers by Thursday because I have to go home to see my mom in a play.
Chick #2: Can’t you just get them when you get back?
Chick #1: Yeah, no… My mother is starring in The Vagina Monologues.
Chick #2: Ouch.
Chick #1: See, that was my first thought.
–Goodbye Blue Monday, Bushwick
Overheard by: Sarah
Rocker guy: I saw your dad on the news a couple weeks ago.
Cute girl: Yeah?
Rocker guy: Yeah. He was at the Capitol lobbying for increased funding.
Cute girl: Oh, for the youth detention center, right.
Rocker guy: I was masturbating at the time.
Cute girl, laughing: Are you fucking serious?!
Rocker guy: Yeah. I came immediately.
–Mikey’s Bar, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Rachael
Hipster #1: I’ll ask Gary.
Hipster #2: Gary got fired. He was robbed at gunpoint when he went to buy drugs.
Hipster #1: And he got fired for that? How did his boss know?
Hipster #2: Well, people talk, you know, so the boss called Gary in and asked him straight out if he got robbed while buying drugs.
Hipster #1: And Gary admitted it?
Hipster #2: Nah, he said, ‘I wasn’t robbed, I kicked that motherfucker’s ass.’
–Prospect Park
Overheard by: Patrick Di Justo
Girl: Last time you told me something was overrated I got pregnant.
–Sephora, Broadway
Overheard by: linzz
Guy: … So then she changed her middle name to something like "Afterbirth…"
–Spring St
Overheard by: boston bobby
College guy on cell: He was like, ‘Shit, she’s got a bun in the oven!’ And I was like, ‘Oh, shit!’
–Columbia University
Overheard by: roo
Chick: She said he talked to her on the phone and that’s how he got her pregnant.
–Barnes & Noble, Union Square
Overheard by: Wondering how that works
Preggers: I’m gonna across this street against the light, pregnant and all, and I’m not gonna have a miscarriage.
–Eastern Pkwy & Classon Ave, Crown Heights, Brooklyn
Employee to another: I only gained two pounds during my pregnancy, and I’m on my seventh month!
–Burger King, 5th Ave, between 36th & 37th
Overheard by: EE Grimshaw
NYU girl on cell: … So then the doctor comes in and he goes, ‘Houston, we have a problem…" I know, right? What’s with doctors trying to be all funny when they’re telling you that you’re pregnant?
–NYU bus
Overheard by: tj
Teacher: What country do we live in?
Very enthusiastic little boy: The United States of New York!
Teacher, a few minutes later: Can someone name a state outside of New York?
Very enthusiastic little boy: Brooklyn!
–First grade classroom, the Bronx
Big black guy #1: Do you know what time it is?
Cute hipster chick: 11:15.
Big black guy #1: Thank you.
Cute hipster chick walks away.
Big black guy #2, yelling after her: Yo, I gotta say, you sexy!
Big black guy #1: Shut up, that’s why they never talk to us!
–N 9th St & Bedford Ave, Brooklyn
Late-20s woman: Up until six months ago, I thought Europe was a country. I just didn’t know…
–6 train
Overheard by: 21 and knows better
Social butterfly: Williamsburg? Where is that? Pennsylvania?
–Broadway & Bond
Overheard by: the bfd
Dude: What? You’re not from Illinois, you’re from Chicago!
–Cheesecake Factory
Female tourist: Where’s Chicago, again? Oh, that’s here in New York, right?
–Outside Yankee Stadium
Overheard by: Genissimo
Astonished woman: Los Angeles is not a state!
–Outside Javits Center
Overheard by: Tara
Asian tourist chick: Is this considered the West coast?
–Max Brenner, Union Square
Russian guy on cell: I went to see Saw III. Best movie ever — the girl in front of me fainted in the beginning of the movie! Five minutes into the movie she just fainted, and her boyfriend started calling for help. I called an ambulance, they took her away… That movie was awesome!
–Brooklyn-bound Q train
Overenthusiastic male student: Oh! I met Borat! He goes to NYU, right?
–Hunter College
Guy to everyone in theater: Shhh, I’m recording this!
–Movie theater, Court St, Brooklyn
Blonde: Yeah, so I watch Brokeback Mountain like it’s my Bible. I hang on every word, ’cause I really want to know how gay people talk.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Stina
Guy on cell: 28 Days was just stupid. Zombies aren’t like that. Dawn of the Dead is the most realistic portrayal of zombies I’ve ever seen!
–Grand Central
Overheard by: Philip Niosi
Chick to hipsters: I did my first autopsy to The Wizard of Oz.
–The Village, near Mulberry
Overheard by: DC Diva
Tween #1: Wow, that’s cute! He was gonna eat her booger for a hand job?
Tween #2: It was, like, a monster booger…
–Montague & Henry St, Brooklyn Heights
Man: I’m tellin’ you, a perm makes you look good.
Woman: Goddammit, Pee Wee! No it don’t! You think you know every mothafuckin’ thing!
–Fulton & Putnam, Brooklyn
Overheard by: mira p
