The Creation of the Prostitution Merit Badge

(in front of national HQ of Girl Scouts of America)
Construction worker #1: Do you see all the rich marble they used on this building?
Construction worker #2: Yeah. They sure had to sell a lot of fuckin’ cookies to afford it.

–37th St b/w 5th & 6th Ave

Overheard by: dodgerswill

Headline by: C.J.

Runners-Up:
· “Actually, the United States Thin Mint Just Prints Them Money” – Lauren
· “I’ll Take 7,954,300,348,000 Boxes Of Thin Mints Please!” – Eino Hill
· “It’s Actually Constructed Of Stale Do-Si-Dos and the Corpses Of Girls Who Didn’t Reach Their Quota” – Matthew K. Johnson
· “The Building Was Funded by an Anonymous Benefactor, on the Condition That It Be Built on Sesame Street.” – James
· “The Reason They Added Heroin to Thin Mints” – ILOVEThinMints
· “Turning Tricks Is for Kids” – Qasar
· “You Should See the Boy Scouts Of America HQ… Don’t Ask What They Sold.” – fox

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on July 17, 2008
Business and Commerce, Construction Guys, Coworkers, Food, Headline Contest Winners, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Questions

Well We Do Have to Determine There Was No Foul Play

PetCo employee: If your goldfish dies within the first fifteen days, you can return it for a full refund.
Customer: Do I bring back the corpse?

–Union Square PetCo

Overheard by: Jenny

Posted on May 30, 2008
9 to 5-ers, Business and Commerce, Customers, Death, Default, Money & Class, Questions, Store, Union Square and East Village, We Love Our Pets, Weirdness

God Bless Wednesday One-Liners

Cop: There are no downtown express trains! I repeat, there are no downtown express trains. If you have a problem with that, take it up with the President of the United States!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Trixie

Suit on cell: The problem with Canada is that it’s not the U.S.

–129th St, Harlem

Overheard by: Koen

Black guy on cell: Yeah, what is Condoleezza Rice, anyway? I think she’s Puerto Rican or Dominican. She’s definitely not American.

–Barnes & Noble, W 66th St

Black guy to white friend eating lunch: Ah, yes, the American dream: doing nothing while eating a sandwich.

–Stuyvesant High

Hobo: Thirty-two-gallon garbage can — who wants this beautiful 32-gallon garbage can? Made right here in the US-of-A! Come on, people! It’s an American product at Mexican prices. Now, what’s my first bid?

–4th Ave & Atlantic

Overheard by: Mike N

Large black lady on cell: I know, right? Osama bin Laden is like the Uncle Sam of America!

–CVS Pharmacy

Posted on April 2, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Business and Commerce, Cops, Default, Food, Friends, Global Geography, Government, Harlem & Morningside Heights, History & Geography, Hobos, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, On Cell, Penn Station, Physical appearance, Politics, President, Public Transportation, Store, Street, Stuyvesant Town, Suits, Terrorism, Weirdness, Women

And a Live Person. Not Like Last Time.

Man: $100 for a garbage can?!?
Woman: Unless there’s a person in it…

–Target, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Drizzle

Posted on April 1, 2008
Brooklyn, Business and Commerce, Customers, Default, Gripes, Men, Money & Class, Offers and requests, Questions, Store, Weirdness, Women

A Neighborhood Where Santa Breaks in through a Window

DVD salesman: I couldn’t give you a better deal if I slid down the chimney.
Little girl, whispering glumly: But we don’t have a chimney.

–A train, Brooklyn

Overheard by: VassarBoy

Posted on March 25, 2008
Brooklyn, Business and Commerce, Default, Girls, Holidays, Home, Sweet Home, Kids, Money & Class, On the Subway, Vendors & Street Performers

Wednesday One-Liners Are Already Spending Their Rebate Checks

Father to son: You see, women do the shopping, so you gotta go to a good store to find a good woman.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Trainspotter

Young boy to guy accompanying him: There are things that Americans can do better. We can burp a lot louder than Chileans. And we can spend a lot more money while shopping.

—Tom Crean: Antarctic Explorer performance, Irish Repertory Theatre

Overheard by: Michael Baker

Dude to friend: … So every time he signs for a purchase on a credit card, he signs it ‘Not valid’ and Best Buy was the only store that ever caught it!

–Burns St, Forest Hills

Woman seeing old friend, and pointing to man beside her: Yeah, this is my new husband. He buys me Neiman Marcus. My old husband bought me Stein Mart.

–C train

Overheard by: Sarah F.

Valley girl tourist to street sweeper: Excuse me, where’s the mall?

–34th & 7th

Overheard by: Really!

Posted on March 19, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Boys, Business and Commerce, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Crime and Punishment, Dads, Default, Etiquette, Farting & Burping, Foreigners, Girls, Guys, Idiots, Marriage, Money & Class, On the Subway, Penn Station, Queens, Questions, Shopping, Southerners, Teens, Tourists, Union Square and East Village, Women

Are What?

Guy selling umbrellas: Get your umbrellas! Two dollars! Get your umbrellas! Two dollars!
Customer: How much are they?

–7th Ave

Overheard by: Maggie

Headline by: waphle

Runners-Up:
· “I Mean, in Goats?” – jloubelle
· “That’s Not “Ironic” Either, Alanis.” – Janet
· “Tourists Aren’t Just for Show” – should probably doing work
· “Your First Born…And An Hour With That Old Broad On Your Left” – ae

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on February 11, 2008
Business and Commerce, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Customers, Headline Contest Winners, Idiots, Money & Class, Questions, Stupidity, Vendors & Street Performers

No, Thanks — I Had a Big Lunch

Excited suit: … So it was like ‘Bang, bang, bang!’ A whole gang of managers was driving the stock down!
60-something suit: Hmmm. Gangbang?

–200 Park Ave

Overheard by: Can’t Believe I Butt Her

Posted on February 8, 2008
Business and Commerce, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Suits, Words

I’m Regretting Removing the Tape from Your Mouth

Guy: You know — it’s Dow Jones and NASDAQ.
Girl: Who are they? Those guys that died?

–14th & Park Ave South

Posted on October 23, 2007
Business and Commerce, Death, Girls, Guys, Idiots, Names, Questions, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Still Add on Their Fingers

Guy in line, to girl: So, I guess we could go to the TKTS booth and see how much the half-off shows are. They’re usually like 30 or 50 percent cheaper.

–Starbucks, Times Square

Girl on cell: Yeah, well, you said you were running a few minutes late and you showed up two days later!

–Spring & Greene

Desperate guy: I don’t care if she’s between a two and a ten, just so long as she’s not a one!

–Spring & Mulberry

Overheard by: Eddie

Enthusiastic chick: You know what they say — hindsight is 50-50!

–12th & Broadway

Overheard by: David

Eight-year-old boy to female friend: … At a rate of interest of five point three-five percent…

–W 81st St

Overheard by: Emily B.