Clothing

To Attain a Future Better Than the Present, You First Have to Imagine It

Teenage Latina to friend: So I want my next man and me to have more in common. My man, he gotta dress ghetto, you know, baggy pants, piercings, and chains, but he can't be no pimp or dirty slut. He can't be having no nasty diseases. He can't have no kids or none on the way and he can't have done no time, yet.
Friend: Gattita, I hear you. But what'cha gonna do with him?
Teenage Latina: Well, he's gonna have to like scary movies and reggaeton, Mexican food, and… (pauses to think for a moment) French fries! You know, them white people's food.
Friend: Holla.

–2 Train

Overheard by: Carrie

Like a Lifetime of Being Doubly Oppressed?

Gay black hipster to cop: Officer, of course he stole my five dollars! It was mine. It was right there.
Straight white hippie: I did not take anything of yours.
Gay black hipster to cop: Officer, who are you gonna believe, him or me? I mean, look at him–he's not even dressed well!
Straight white hippie: Dude, I hope something seriously bad happens to you.

–Union Square Subway Station

He must be planning to ram us into a building!

Cab passenger #1, about cabbie: He's such a bad driver. Is he Chinese?
Cab passenger #2: He's wearing a turban!

–50th & 10th

She Really Should Be More Supportive

20-something: Whenever my boyfriend says “dude bro” I think he is saying “dude bra,” which is troublesome.
20-something's friend, who was focused on ice cream: Wait, I'm sorry, I wasn't listening… Did you say Tim wears a dude bra?

–49th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Ashley

You Mean My Stabbing Clothes?

Annoyed chick: Okay, we get it, Cara! You're awesome and I suck. Now can you please shut up!
Cara: Not before we talk about what you're wearing.

–14th & University Place

But You'll Be Gone Too, Right?

Three-year-old girl: Do you get lots of clothes when you die?
Jamaican nanny: No, not at all. Your daddy will be gone, and your mommy will be gone, and your sister will be gone, and your grandma will be gone. You will be all alone.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Louis

So, Ummm, How Much Do You Charge?

Ghetto girl: Fuck you! Get over it.
Old Lady: Fuck you, you ho. Dressed just like a ho, too. I should know. I used to be one. Thirty five years, I was a prostitute. Tell me to get over it. Fuck you.

–95th & Amsterdam

Manager: Hmmm. Sales of lace thongs, push-up bras and thigh-high stockings have quintupled recently

Interviewer #1: So, do you deal with a lot of customers on a daily basis?
Young Man: Yes.
Interviewer #2: Tell us about a situation where a customer became irate and how you handled it.
Young Man: Well, I work at Victoria's Secret so I deal with women, mostly. Sometimes, when they need something, they don't want me to help them because I am a man. I just tell them, “You're buying this for your man, so shouldn't a man help you pick out your panties?”

–Commerce Bank, 42nd & 9th

How You Know Your Little Boy is Straight

Employee: I like your pink shirt.
Coworker's 9-year-old nephew: It's not pink; it's white with pink and green stripes.
Employee: So you like to wear pink?
Coworker's 9-year-old nephew: My shirt *isn't* pink! (now shouting) It's white with pink and green stripes and it takes a real man to wear pink!

–Atlanta, Georgia

Overheard by: Synitta Walker

And Now Here's Al Roker With the Wednesday One-Liners!

Homeless guy, giving umbrella to random white girl: This is for you. In case it rains. This (holding up alcohol bottle) is for me. You know why? Because I'm an alcoholic.

–Penn Station

Man to friend, about the Bruce Springsteen concert that night: You know what? If it starts raining, I'm just going to take off my shirt and scream the whole time.

–Penn Station

Girl: We're on an island, it doesn't snow here.

–St. John's University, Staten Island

Overheard by: Ang

Vendor: Man, I know why we're having to pee so much! It's because it's colder and our bladders are shrinking.

–Flea Market, 82nd & Columbus

Overheard by: EthanK

Woman yelling to complete stranger: It's not raining anymore! It stopped raining! You're the only one with an umbrella!

–Port Authority

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