What Runs Through Parents' Minds When They Picture Their Kids in the Big Apple

Drunk hobo: You guys are attractive. You got the hair thing going on and you have the sideburns working for you. (flexes biceps)
Teenage boys: Ummm… Thanks.
Drunk hobo: Guys… listen. Guys… birds of a feather fly together. Birds of a feather fly together. You don't see seagulls flying with pigeons or pigeons flying with seagulls. Birds of a feather fly together! You guys have any money?
(they give him some change, he walks away)
Sketchy man overlooking: Wow… that guy was crazy. Do you kids want some weed or some blow?

–Sitting Area, 48th & 8th

Overheard by: Brendan

Posted on November 19, 2009
Beauty, Birds, BJs, Compliments, Drunks, Hair, Hobos, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, Panhandling, Physical appearance, Strangers, Teens, Weed

Like Sharks, City Girls Hunt in Packs

Whiny teen #1: I like your shorts.
Aquarium employee: Thanks.
Whiny teen #2: She wants to suck your dick.
Aquarium employee: I'm honored.

–Coney Island Aquarium

Overheard by: boogynights

Posted on October 19, 2009
BJs, Clerks, Clothing, Compliments, Coney Island, Penis, Teens

Control-Alt-Wednesday One-Liners

Lady with no teeth to bathroom attendant: I love your sparkly eyeshadow! The doctor who did my second abortion had the same eyeshadow!

–Public Restroom, Bryant Park

Overheard by: Slydell

Girl on cell: I would rather have diabetes than get an abortion.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Kári Emil

Asian hipster girl: Abortion, abortion, abortion, Aids!

–NYU Dorm

Overheard by: i'll take the next elevator

Teen on cell: I've never been a fan of abortion, but if we could just make this little mistake go away.

–Penn Station

Hipster girl to friends: I mean, I think it should be a choice. Like, I'm not pro-abortion. Actually, I am pro-abortion. I think we should all have been aborted. Our parents made the wrong choice.

–2 Train

Guy on cell: I've pooped in the bushes and an abortion clinic, but never on the floor.

–The Gate, Park Slope

Overheard by: Nathan

Posted on October 14, 2009
Abortion, AIDS, All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Bars & Clubs, Bryant Park, Clerks, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Friends, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Illness, Makeup, NYU, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Park Slope, Parks, Penn Station, Poop, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Teens, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

So It Wasn't Suicide?

Drunk girl, seeing tree fallen on car after rainstorm: Officer, it was the wind!
Police officer: Good detective work.
Passerby: Case solved.

–3rd St & Ave A

Posted on October 9, 2009
Accidents, Alphabet City, Cars and Driving, Compliments, Cops, Crime and Punishment, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Girls, Strangers, Trees and plants, Weather

You Have No Idea What's in My Trunk

Black lady, as white lady opens trunk of parked BMW: Dammmmn, girl, that's a hot BM!
White woman: Thanks.

–East Harlem

Overheard by: iseecdctrucks.com

Posted on October 5, 2009
Black People, Cars and Driving, Compliments, Harlem & Morningside Heights, White People, Women

As in the Garden Of Eden, the Snakes Have All the Lines

Girl #1: Your Ss are perfect. It's the pure “ssss” sound.
Girl #2: What? Like “sssss”?
Girl #1: Ssssss. Yeah.
Girl #2: Sssssss.

–Taxi Stand

Overheard by: chickinparis

Posted on October 1, 2009
Compliments, Girls, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Street

Lisa Could Only Moan As the Witch Sucked Out Her Life Force

70-year-old lady to hot chick: It's so nice to be sitting next to somebody skinny!
Hot chick: Eh…

–1 Train

Overheard by: I'm skinny too….

Posted on September 17, 2009
Compliments, Diet/Weight, Girls, Old People, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Women

What's So Deadly About Wednesday One-Liners?

Gluttony

Cashier lady: Damn, thank the Lord it's Friday! I'ma go to the heights and get me some margaritas and some quesadittas and get drunk and fat and happy. Damn!

–Duane Reade

Overheard by: Sam

Lust

Woman to male friend: Oh, that sucks! I'm such a whore…

–5th Ave & 12th St

Greed

Teenager on school field trip eating sushi and talking to chaperon: Daddy, can I borrow some money for the gift shop? My credit card is down to its last $200.

–Metropolitan Museum of Art Cafe

Sloth

Hipster, seeing that there was construction on the train: Ugh, what are we–going to have to walk places now?

–L Train

Wrath

Library staff: Group study room people, we know who you are. Because we have your IDs. Please come downstairs and pick them up so we don't have to unleash our wrath on you.

–Brooklyn College Library

Envy

Two woman walking tall dog: I mean… can you believe that I used to carry him in my Givenchy bag and wrap him in cashmere as a puppy? I would be jealous!

–Bleecker & Spring

Pride

Girl, grabbing her ass: Don't you just love my ass? My ass rocks. I love my ass!

–Battery Park

Posted on September 16, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Battery Park, Beauty, Brooklyn, Brooklyn College, Cashiers, Clothing, Compliments, Dads, Diet/Weight, Drinking & Drunk People, Duane Reade, Ethnic Food, Fashion, Friends, Gifts, Girls, Happiness, Hipsters, Insults, Library, Man's Best Friend, Money & Class, Names, Offers and requests, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Parks, Promiscuity, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Shopping, Soho, Street, Stupidity, Teens, The Met, Threats, Time, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Women

And Hungry

Hipster boy: Are you a vegetarian?
Hipster girl: No.
Hipster boy: You look like you could be, and I mean that as a compliment. It means you look hip.

–Grand Sichuan, St. Mark's Place

Overheard by: aryn

Posted on September 14, 2009
Compliments, Hipsters, Physical appearance, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Union Square and East Village, Vegetarian & Vegan

Dad's Heavy Into Semi-Intelligent Design

Woman to teen girl: Where did you get those fabulous blue eyes?
Brown-eyed dad: From her mother.
Woman: But blue eyes are recessive.
Brown-eyed dad: You have no idea what a bitch her mother is.

–City Hall Park

Overheard by: Big Larry

Posted on September 12, 2009
Beauty, Body Parts, Compliments, Dads, Insults, Parents, Parks, Questions, Teens, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Women

Compliments