Store clerk with thick accent: Condoms? Which one?
Old man: No! Cough drops! Cough drops!
Store clerk: Condoms? [points at condom boxes]Old man: Look at me… What the heck do I need condoms for!? Cough drops!
–Port Authority
Overheard by: Renz
Store clerk with thick accent: Condoms? Which one?
Old man: No! Cough drops! Cough drops!
Store clerk: Condoms? [points at condom boxes]Old man: Look at me… What the heck do I need condoms for!? Cough drops!
–Port Authority
Overheard by: Renz
Really tall kid: Then my mom said I couldn’t use condoms anymore.
Really tall friend: … Way for that guy to hear you.
–Hilton Hotel
College chick #1: He told me afterwards that he hadn’t masturbated all week but seriously, he came so much that it was oozing out of the base of the condom.
College chick #2: That’s so gross.
College chick #1: Yeah but that’s not the worst part, it had the consistency of yogurt.
College chick #2, awed: Man, yogurts…
College chick #1: Yeah it was kinda inspiring. Only also kinda horrible.
College chick #2: Wait, if the cum was coming out of the condom, doesn’t that mean you might get pregnant?
College chick #1: Yeah I guess, but I feel like that sperm kinda earned it, you know? I dunno if I could complain with sperm that um, fortitudinous.
College chick #2: Good word.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Vicksburg
Old lady to other: Oh… S & M… Do you like to be the dominant one?
–El Greco Diner, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Robert
Girl boarding elevator, to friend: So, it’s not good when you have to ask your boyfriend if he’s ever whipped himself… [Notices other people on elevator] Oops.
–Elevator, 34th & 1st
Chick to another: We all assume that one day you’ll be married with kids… Probably with a dungeon in the basement, but nonetheless.
–House party, 113th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: McFreaky
Leather goods hawker: I’ve got leather everything! Leather thongs, leather socks… I got a leather condom with a zipper up the side!
–Orchard, near Rivington
Overheard by: losaida
Man: That Chinese lady liked it when I whipped you.
–G train
Overheard by: Jordan
TA to another: I love that we’ve been e-mailing about a student’s paper under the subject line ‘Fetish Ball.’
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy
Small child, happily: … And that’s the kind of pain that never goes away!
–1 train
Overheard by: Emily Star
Dude #1: They don’t give you condoms?
Dude #2: Naw, they don’t.
Dude #1: You serious, man? No condoms?!
Dude #2: Yeah, I’m serious — they don’t give out condoms!
Dude #1: Really… They don’t give you condoms in prison, huh?
Dude #2: Naw, man, not unless you have conjugal visits or somethin’.
–M11 bus
Guy: I have to go to the drug store. I’m all out of condoms.
Girl: I found one on the subway!
–113th & Broadway
Overheard by: nex0s
Blonde teen: She stole all my fucking condoms!
Brunette teen: Wait, are we still talking about your mom? [Blonde nods.] Well, tell her she needs to buy you a new pack.
Blonde teen: I did! She denies that she stole them! She’s such a liar — I saw a couple in the toilet this morning.
–Grand Central
Overheard by: just glad my mom flushes them
Dude: So, did you ever wear a condom in Haiti?
World traveler guy: No.
Dude: Were you scared?
–St. Mark’s & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Not Going to Haiti
Woman #1: Well, have fun in Vegas.
Woman #2: Thanks. I want to win big and get laid.
Woman #1: Well, use protection, honey.
Woman #2: Is that a new product?
–Macy’s Herald Square
