Couples

A Chain Of Wednesday One-Liners

Girl on phone: Yeah, I'm here. But I think I passed through the ghetto on the way. Yeah, it was definitely the ghetto. How do I know? It was really obvious: because I saw a sizzler and all the buildings looked the same!

–Penn Station

20-something girl, watching street protest: They better not have closed Popeyes for this.

–M Bus

Overheard by: BHM

Tiny white girl: I just want to go into Applebee's and punch everyone in the face.

–Times Square

Overheard by: that would pass the time…

Girl on cell: Look mom, there's a Jamba Juice. That place is like famous.

–Herald Square

Slob tourist chick to fat husband: I hate my life! Ooooh, Olive Garden!

–Times Square

Overheard by: BarcLeh

And More Importantly, Inflation-Indexed

Boyfriend: I'd totally go to Jedi church.
Girlfriend: Why won't you come to my alien church, but you'll go to Jedi church?
Dorky third wheel: Cuz Jedis are real.

–V Train

Wednesday One-Liners Don't Know How to Quit You

Tough guy on cell: Yeah, I was at the gay bah. It was two for ones. Whaddayou gonna do? Two for ones!

–Houston & Avenue A

Homeless man in subway station: Gay sex was invented to avoid child support.

–53rd St Subway Station

Overheard by: Billy

Woman on cell: Let me tell you something about this new generation of guys in New York: All gay.

–W 31st & Broadway

Overheard by: A passing gay man

Woman to husband: Not just a gay, but a heroin sheep gay.

–Broadway & 8th

Overheard by: TR

Cop to drunk: Who cares if you're gay? That doesn't give you the right to climb the fire escape.

–W 20th

Reader Challenge: Think About This Before You Snuggle in Public

Young woman, trying to reach doors, to snuggly couple: Excuse me. (snuggly couple seem not to hear) Excuse me! (She pushes past them and exits train)
Tall white guy: It wasn't that annoying!

–B Train

And Then My Guidance Counselor Tells Me I “Lack Planning Skills”?

Ghetto guy: And we had gotten a big group of girlies together to devour, we insatiable.
Ghetto girlfriend: Oh yeah, yeah, I gotcha.

–73rd & 3rd

Especially Right After She Takes It Out of His Ass

Girlfriend: Oh man, this soda tastes like my foot!
Boyfriend: How do you know what your foot tastes like? It could be delicious.
Girlfriend: Why do you always have to contradict me? I think it's a pretty accurate guess that my foot would not be too appetizing, Christ!

–Washington Square Park

The Will-o'-the-Wisp Lured the Halvorsens Into the Swamp

Old man: Alright honey, let's go back to the hotel.
(starts walking in random direction)
Old woman: Honey, where are you going?
Old man: I don't know, the shiny lights all around us?

–Times Square

When I Was a Babia, I Saw My Mama's Labia

(tipsy older couple staggers out of book party)
Lady: What was it you said before that was so funny?
Craggy geezer: “When I was teeny I saw my papa's weenie.”
Lady: I love it!

–Mercer St

That Would Just Be Childish

Girl: Well, if there's going to be another girl, there has to be another guy too.
Guy: Hell no! Ain't no other dude putting his sausage in your jay-jay!

–E Train

Every New Yorker Should Have One Of Those

50-something man (picking up small box): Look at this! You could put your dope in this!
Wife: You wouldn't be able to fit very much dope in there…I could use it to hold my bitterness.

–Store, Crosby St

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