Wednesday One-Liners Are a Lot to Swallow

Suit on cell: I've already had a blow job tonight so I don't really care what happens.

–7th St & Ave A

Overheard by: Karmenlara Seidman

Lady suit to other: What about 1994? I haven't sucked cock or watched ice hockey since 1994!

–Lion's Head, 109th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: A great man

Toothless thug: And now she wants an award for sucking my dick.

–7th Ave & 16th St

Overheard by: mattamore

Guy on cell: Look, I'm about to get on the train and lose signal so I'll sum up my argument: until I can pull out my dick and get a blowjob from any woman I want, my grudge against feminists stands. No, I don't care if it doesn't make sense. Fuck you, I'm getting on the train!

–Penn Station

Old woman to husband: Now isn't she the girl who gave him head in the Port Authority bathroom?

–Bench, Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Horrified

Girl to two hipster friends with yoga mats: Oh my god, he had to stop me while I was sucking on his dick just to tell me he likes me. Like why? Ew, why would he bother?

–Avenue B & 13th

Posted on February 25, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Bars & Clubs, BJs, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Couples, Friends, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Insults, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Penis, Penn Station, Politics, Public Transportation, Questions, Sports, Street, Suits, Thugs, Time, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Going Back to Iraq Looks Better Every Day, Huh?

Woman to husband in magazine section: Honey, I'm just going to run to the bathroom before I pay for all…
Husband, interrupting: Whatever. (to stranger) Ugh! Marriage. I have a son, too. It just gets worse and worse, doesn't it?

–Barnes & Noble, Bayside

Overheard by: sympathetic bookseller

Posted on February 24, 2009
Compare/Contrast, Couples, Family Ties, Marriage, Queens, Shopping, Store, Strangers

Plus You Have Grunty Anal with Other Men

Older man in crowded elevator: What does “metro” mean, anyway?
Wife, in a loud voice: Metrosexual?! Metrosexuals are men who dress well but aren't gay.
Older man: So I am a metrosexual?
Wife, still in a loud voice: No, I choose your clothes, so that doesn't count.

–Bloomingdales

Posted on February 16, 2009
Clothing, Couples, Gender issues, Old People, Questions, Store, Words

I Hope You'll Forgive Me for Getting a Second Opinion

Husband: What? Just because I want to see my mother-in-law fall down and hit her head, does that make me a terrible person?
Wife: Yes!

–Time Square

Overheard by:

Posted on February 5, 2009
Accidents, Couples, Family Ties, Questions, Times Square, Wishes & desires

We've Already Gotten a Ticket Because the Baby Isn't Walking

Wife, pushing stroller through crosswalk: Oh, wow, honey, look at that building.
Husband, quickly: This is New York, sweetheart, you gotta keep walking.

–Columbus Circle

Posted on February 3, 2009
Advice, Couples, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Only in New York, Street, Weirdness

I'm Beginning to Regret Abducting Them from That Playground in the First Place

Husband (about kids): I can't take them any more.
Wife: We were just as bad.
Husband: I was never bad. I was always good.
Wife: I was bad. I was a horror.
Husband: Then you deserve them!

–Central Park, Near Delacorte Theater

Overheard by: Lisa B.

Posted on January 31, 2009
Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Family Ties, Should've Used a Condom

Toddler: “Hey, Do I Make 'Flied Lice' Jokes, Lady?”

(toddler speaks incoherent babble and falls. Father picks her up)
Asian lady to white husband, in thick accent: Oh! Did you see baby! What did it say? What did it say? A chi bi ta bi da? Hahahaha! What did it say?

–Boathouse, Central Park

Overheard by: offended for the baby

Posted on January 30, 2009
Asians, Babies, Central Park, Couples, Dads, Family Ties, Kids, Language Barrier, Moms, Weirdness, White People

Isn't That What's Inside a Memory Foam Mattress?

Girlfriend: This frappuccino tastes like foam.
Boyfriend: I guess they put a lot of foam in yours.
Girlfriend: Oh my god, they should make a foam-flavored frappuccino.

–Shuttle from Times Square to Grand Central

Overheard by: valerie

Posted on January 30, 2009
Coffee, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Grand Central, On the Bus, Times Square

Peanut, Pinenut, Ground Nut, Wednesday One-Liner Nut…

Ghetto girl: Hmm, I know what a peanut is, but what a walnut is?

–147th & Broadway

Man on cell: It's quite possible that my left nut is bigger than my right nut.

–82nd & Broadway

Girlfriend to boyfriend: So that's why Yoda sounds like busting a nut!

–Ave A & 6th St

Guy to friend: I've been bitten in the nuts by two different Scottish Terriers.

–7th Ave b/w 24th & 25th

Overheard by: Carmen

Guy on cell: I'm just like an anorexic. Every time they look in the mirror, they think "I'm not skinny enough," but I look in the mirror and think "these pants aren't tight enough," even though everyone tells me they can see my nuts.

–L Train

Posted on January 28, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Balls, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Food, Friends, Ghetto Chicks, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Health and Hygiene, Height, Man's Best Friend, Men, Movies, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Questions, Street, Trees and plants, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Bob and CNNdy Are Such a Cute Couple

Guy: So, Plaxico Burress shoots himself with an illegal gun, and now he's going to be the next Senator from Illinois?
Girl: Sometimes I have no idea why I dated you.

–R Train

Overheard by: Yeah, it took me a second, too.

Posted on January 19, 2009
About Celebrities, Couples, Dating, Football, On the Subway, Politics, Suicide, Weapons, Weirdness

Couples