Wednesday One-Liners Are Growers, Not Showers

Bouncer on phone: I don't care if they is balding, got big guts or little dicks!

–Houston & Lafayette

Overheard by: chiddox

Flaming gay man to lover: You have a small dick that never gets erect, and you are not in my will!

–Avenue St John & Kelly Streets, Bronx

Overheard by: Li'l Squeaker

Hobo: Stop controlling my eyeballs to look at your dick!

–Times Square

30-something man: Waaaaait, did they say "dick in cider" or "dick inside her"?

–7th St & St. Mark's

Overheard by: Juicy

High school kid: I wish I had two dicks. (pause) So both of my hands have something to do in class.

–Q27 Bus Stop

Overheard by: cough.cough.cough

Woman on phone: It's not about you, it's about your small dick.

–Times Square

Girl to friend: So you're going to tutor his dick, right?

–University & 10th St

Posted on March 4, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Balls, Body Parts, Bouncers, Couples, Erections, Frat Boys, Friends, Girls, Height, Hobos, Masturbation, On Cell, On the Bus, One-liners, Penis, Queer guys, Questions, School and studying, Sex, The Bronx, The Village, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Waxing, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women, Words

I Don't Wanna Have to Hold Your Head While You Cry Again

Punk girlfriend: What movie do you want to see?
Punk boyfriend: How about Definitely Maybe?
Punk girlfriend: I don't know…seems kinda chick-flicky.

–Austin St, Queens

Posted on March 3, 2009
Couples, Film, Gender issues, Punks, Queens, Questions

Wednesday One-Liners Are a Lot to Swallow

Suit on cell: I've already had a blow job tonight so I don't really care what happens.

–7th St & Ave A

Overheard by: Karmenlara Seidman

Lady suit to other: What about 1994? I haven't sucked cock or watched ice hockey since 1994!

–Lion's Head, 109th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: A great man

Toothless thug: And now she wants an award for sucking my dick.

–7th Ave & 16th St

Overheard by: mattamore

Guy on cell: Look, I'm about to get on the train and lose signal so I'll sum up my argument: until I can pull out my dick and get a blowjob from any woman I want, my grudge against feminists stands. No, I don't care if it doesn't make sense. Fuck you, I'm getting on the train!

–Penn Station

Old woman to husband: Now isn't she the girl who gave him head in the Port Authority bathroom?

–Bench, Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Horrified

Girl to two hipster friends with yoga mats: Oh my god, he had to stop me while I was sucking on his dick just to tell me he likes me. Like why? Ew, why would he bother?

–Avenue B & 13th

Posted on February 25, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Bars & Clubs, BJs, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Couples, Friends, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Insults, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Penis, Penn Station, Politics, Public Transportation, Questions, Sports, Street, Suits, Thugs, Time, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Going Back to Iraq Looks Better Every Day, Huh?

Woman to husband in magazine section: Honey, I'm just going to run to the bathroom before I pay for all…
Husband, interrupting: Whatever. (to stranger) Ugh! Marriage. I have a son, too. It just gets worse and worse, doesn't it?

–Barnes & Noble, Bayside

Overheard by: sympathetic bookseller

Posted on February 24, 2009
Compare/Contrast, Couples, Family Ties, Marriage, Queens, Shopping, Store, Strangers

Plus You Have Grunty Anal with Other Men

Older man in crowded elevator: What does “metro” mean, anyway?
Wife, in a loud voice: Metrosexual?! Metrosexuals are men who dress well but aren't gay.
Older man: So I am a metrosexual?
Wife, still in a loud voice: No, I choose your clothes, so that doesn't count.

–Bloomingdales

Posted on February 16, 2009
Clothing, Couples, Gender issues, Old People, Questions, Store, Words

I Hope You'll Forgive Me for Getting a Second Opinion

Husband: What? Just because I want to see my mother-in-law fall down and hit her head, does that make me a terrible person?
Wife: Yes!

–Time Square

Overheard by:

Posted on February 5, 2009
Accidents, Couples, Family Ties, Questions, Times Square, Wishes & desires

We've Already Gotten a Ticket Because the Baby Isn't Walking

Wife, pushing stroller through crosswalk: Oh, wow, honey, look at that building.
Husband, quickly: This is New York, sweetheart, you gotta keep walking.

–Columbus Circle

Posted on February 3, 2009
Advice, Couples, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Only in New York, Street, Weirdness

I'm Beginning to Regret Abducting Them from That Playground in the First Place

Husband (about kids): I can't take them any more.
Wife: We were just as bad.
Husband: I was never bad. I was always good.
Wife: I was bad. I was a horror.
Husband: Then you deserve them!

–Central Park, Near Delacorte Theater

Overheard by: Lisa B.

Posted on January 31, 2009
Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Family Ties, Should've Used a Condom

Toddler: “Hey, Do I Make 'Flied Lice' Jokes, Lady?”

(toddler speaks incoherent babble and falls. Father picks her up)
Asian lady to white husband, in thick accent: Oh! Did you see baby! What did it say? What did it say? A chi bi ta bi da? Hahahaha! What did it say?

–Boathouse, Central Park

Overheard by: offended for the baby

Posted on January 30, 2009
Asians, Babies, Central Park, Couples, Dads, Family Ties, Kids, Language Barrier, Moms, Weirdness, White People

Isn't That What's Inside a Memory Foam Mattress?

Girlfriend: This frappuccino tastes like foam.
Boyfriend: I guess they put a lot of foam in yours.
Girlfriend: Oh my god, they should make a foam-flavored frappuccino.

–Shuttle from Times Square to Grand Central

Overheard by: valerie

Posted on January 30, 2009
Coffee, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Grand Central, On the Bus, Times Square

Couples