Lady holding tickets, smiling: I can't wait, honey.
Grumpy man: Why the hell are we here, again?
–In Line for Theater, 45th St & Broadway
Lady holding tickets, smiling: I can't wait, honey.
Grumpy man: Why the hell are we here, again?
–In Line for Theater, 45th St & Broadway
Guy to girl: I have a proprietary interest in your nipples.
–Park Slope
Overheard by: Hunter (aka
Hobo coming out of cardboard box to group of blonde chicks: Run yo nipples!
–Blake St
Teenage girl: It's so fucking cold my nipples could pick up radio stations.
–Central Park
20-something Asian guy: But I know babies' nipples are so sensitive…
–Grand & Eldridge
Hobo, yelling at couple on the street: What the hell I look like to you? Huh?! I'm a gangsta! If I had three nipples and no legs, I'd still get laid! (shakes cane at them)
–41st & 8th
Overheard by: S&B at STJ
Chubby Mideastern white tourist: Hey! Is this Houston Street?
Thug: I've had enough of you tourists! One more of this Hooostin Street shit and I'mma bust a cap in yo Midwestern fat asses!
Husband of Mideastern white tourist: I'm guessing it is.
–Houston Street
Douche on cell: I haven't had sex in 48 days and I feel like it's getting smaller. What should I do?
–48th & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Jnaz
Really old man complaining to his wife: You'd rather watch CNN than have sex with me!
–The Water Club, 30th & FDR
Overheard by: Trying to have a romantic dinner date
Pretty girl on cell: Yeah, I got this really bad toothache…my gums are sore too. (pause)
What do you mean what have I been putting in my mouth? (laughs) Well, nothing exciting, that's for sure! Maybe that's the problem. My mouth's probably going on strike cause it hasn't been getting any action.
–F Train
Overheard by: I wouldnt have minded putting something of mine in her mouth!
Girl on phone: I mean, if I don't fuck him, who will? His bitch-ass girlfriend certainly won't. (pause) No, not even; she only got those piercings so she could put a fucking lock in it.
–L Train
Random guy outside bedroom window: Just because I won't sleep with you doesn't mean I don't love you!
–Union Street, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Casey
Husband: Then I can teabag you.
Wife: Wait. They go in my mouth. Wouldn't I be teabagging you?
Husband: My teabags, my act of teabagging.
Wife: That doesn't sound right.
Husband: Whatever. Teabagging will occur.
–Metro-North Rail
Overheard by: Throwing away my cup of tea
Guy in horse-drawn carriage to tourist couple crossing street: Yo, buddy, yer wife is beau-tee-ful!
Tourist man: Thank you!
Guy: You better take good care of her!
Tourist man: I will!
Guy: Cause if you don't, I'm gonna stick my dick in her!
–58th St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Fred Daubert
Dude on cell: I have meningitis! I have SARS! (several people look at him in concern) That's what you tell them! Just get out of doing it somehow!
–Amtrak Train, Penn Station
Overheard by: Momentarily Panicked
Irate old lady on cell: What are you talking about? She's supposed to be taking the train. (pause) What? The flu? Tell her to shove it up, I'm getting really sick of this. What kind of flu? Does she have diarrhea? A fever? Is she sneezing, coughing?
–W 66th St
Overheard by: Susan Volchok
Woman to husband: Deaf people can't hear.
–MoMA
Whiny preteen: Mom, I have diabetes. I'm not even playing around right now–I have diabetes.
–Marquis Theatre
Overheard by: Just here to see the show…
Girl on phone: I don't think I have rabies…do you think I have rabies?
–Columbia University
Dunkin' Donuts employee, sneezing near donuts, to customer: Don't worry, I work better when I'm sick.
–Dunkin' Donuts
British husband, looking into living room: Isn't this wonderful? So calm and serene. Very relaxing, don't you think,dear?
British wife: Oh, I don't know. It isn't very, you know, puffy…
–Frank Lloyd Wright House, American Wing, Metropolitan Museum of Art
Overheard by: Paul N.
Creepy local guy to tourist couple: Where are you guys from, are you from Boston?
Tourist man: No, we are from France.
Local guy: Oh, you're from France. I knew you were too good looking to be from Boston.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Nathan
Old guy on phone: All I've done is live in a bitchy bitchy bitchy world.
–LIRR
Overheard by: Danielle
Ghetto guy to another: A bitch in a wheelchair can still suck a dick!
–25th St & 6th Ave
Wife to husband: You do the thinkin', I'll do the bitchin'.
–84th & 2nd
Overheard by: Val
Male scrub nurse: Yeah, he's in that bitch right now. (female scrub nurse looks shocked, male scrub nurse wiggles fingers on both hands) Yeah, he's in there.
–Mount Sinai Hospital
Overheard by: and by
Thug to friend: Yeah my homegirl…she's a slutty bitch, but she's good people.
–Q Train
