Chubby Mideastern white tourist: Hey! Is this Houston Street?
Thug: I've had enough of you tourists! One more of this Hooostin Street shit and I'mma bust a cap in yo Midwestern fat asses!
Husband of Mideastern white tourist: I'm guessing it is.
–Houston Street
Douche on cell: I haven't had sex in 48 days and I feel like it's getting smaller. What should I do?
–48th & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Jnaz
Really old man complaining to his wife: You'd rather watch CNN than have sex with me!
–The Water Club, 30th & FDR
Overheard by: Trying to have a romantic dinner date
Pretty girl on cell: Yeah, I got this really bad toothache…my gums are sore too. (pause)
What do you mean what have I been putting in my mouth? (laughs) Well, nothing exciting, that's for sure! Maybe that's the problem. My mouth's probably going on strike cause it hasn't been getting any action.
–F Train
Overheard by: I wouldnt have minded putting something of mine in her mouth!
Girl on phone: I mean, if I don't fuck him, who will? His bitch-ass girlfriend certainly won't. (pause) No, not even; she only got those piercings so she could put a fucking lock in it.
–L Train
Random guy outside bedroom window: Just because I won't sleep with you doesn't mean I don't love you!
–Union Street, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Casey
Husband: Then I can teabag you.
Wife: Wait. They go in my mouth. Wouldn't I be teabagging you?
Husband: My teabags, my act of teabagging.
Wife: That doesn't sound right.
Husband: Whatever. Teabagging will occur.
–Metro-North Rail
Overheard by: Throwing away my cup of tea
Guy in horse-drawn carriage to tourist couple crossing street: Yo, buddy, yer wife is beau-tee-ful!
Tourist man: Thank you!
Guy: You better take good care of her!
Tourist man: I will!
Guy: Cause if you don't, I'm gonna stick my dick in her!
–58th St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Fred Daubert
Dude on cell: I have meningitis! I have SARS! (several people look at him in concern) That's what you tell them! Just get out of doing it somehow!
–Amtrak Train, Penn Station
Overheard by: Momentarily Panicked
Irate old lady on cell: What are you talking about? She's supposed to be taking the train. (pause) What? The flu? Tell her to shove it up, I'm getting really sick of this. What kind of flu? Does she have diarrhea? A fever? Is she sneezing, coughing?
–W 66th St
Overheard by: Susan Volchok
Woman to husband: Deaf people can't hear.
–MoMA
Whiny preteen: Mom, I have diabetes. I'm not even playing around right now–I have diabetes.
–Marquis Theatre
Overheard by: Just here to see the show…
Girl on phone: I don't think I have rabies…do you think I have rabies?
–Columbia University
Dunkin' Donuts employee, sneezing near donuts, to customer: Don't worry, I work better when I'm sick.
–Dunkin' Donuts
British husband, looking into living room: Isn't this wonderful? So calm and serene. Very relaxing, don't you think,dear?
British wife: Oh, I don't know. It isn't very, you know, puffy…
–Frank Lloyd Wright House, American Wing, Metropolitan Museum of Art
Overheard by: Paul N.
Creepy local guy to tourist couple: Where are you guys from, are you from Boston?
Tourist man: No, we are from France.
Local guy: Oh, you're from France. I knew you were too good looking to be from Boston.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Nathan
Old guy on phone: All I've done is live in a bitchy bitchy bitchy world.
–LIRR
Overheard by: Danielle
Ghetto guy to another: A bitch in a wheelchair can still suck a dick!
–25th St & 6th Ave
Wife to husband: You do the thinkin', I'll do the bitchin'.
–84th & 2nd
Overheard by: Val
Male scrub nurse: Yeah, he's in that bitch right now. (female scrub nurse looks shocked, male scrub nurse wiggles fingers on both hands) Yeah, he's in there.
–Mount Sinai Hospital
Overheard by: and by
Thug to friend: Yeah my homegirl…she's a slutty bitch, but she's good people.
–Q Train
Bouncer on phone: I don't care if they is balding, got big guts or little dicks!
–Houston & Lafayette
Overheard by: chiddox
Flaming gay man to lover: You have a small dick that never gets erect, and you are not in my will!
–Avenue St John & Kelly Streets, Bronx
Overheard by: Li'l Squeaker
Hobo: Stop controlling my eyeballs to look at your dick!
–Times Square
30-something man: Waaaaait, did they say "dick in cider" or "dick inside her"?
–7th St & St. Mark's
Overheard by: Juicy
High school kid: I wish I had two dicks. (pause) So both of my hands have something to do in class.
–Q27 Bus Stop
Overheard by: cough.cough.cough
Woman on phone: It's not about you, it's about your small dick.
–Times Square
Girl to friend: So you're going to tutor his dick, right?
–University & 10th St
Punk girlfriend: What movie do you want to see?
Punk boyfriend: How about Definitely Maybe?
Punk girlfriend: I don't know…seems kinda chick-flicky.
–Austin St, Queens
