Long Island JAP: Long Island should totally become the sixth borough of New York.
Queer: Fuck no! The MTA doesn’t go there, and we all know that if the MTA doesn’t go there, neither should you.
Asian guy: What about Staten Island?
–47th & Broadway
Overheard by: Samantha Jones
Man: It just got to the point that if I took another bite, it would explode all over me, so I shoved the whole thing in my mouth. [Woman eating ice cream cone snickers.]
–Central Park
DVD salesman: I couldn’t give you a better deal if I slid down the chimney.
Little girl, whispering glumly: But we don’t have a chimney.
–A train, Brooklyn
Overheard by: VassarBoy
Girlfriend: Oh, by the way, we have to return those things to Macy’s.
Boyfriend: Why?
Girlfriend: Because I need to buy maternity clothes!
Boyfriend: Or we could buy me an airplane ticket, because I’m leaving you.
–F train, Jay St
Overheard by: not certain he was joking
Dude #1: It smells like a Petland in here.
Dude #2: Yeah, it does in a weird sort of way.
–Citibank ATM, 25th St & Park Ave S
Overheard by: Marla
Guy: Please do not tell me you took a shit in this cup.
Girl: We can wash it out.
–74th & Columbus
Tourist girl: Oh, crap, is that Rosie O’Donnell over there?! [Whips out phone camera.]Tourist guy: Well, it’s either her, or a 300-pound biker with a bad haircut.
–34th & Broadway
Loud girl #1: I lost my sandals at the beach!
Loud girl #2: Oh my God, now it’s probably floating somewhere in the Pacific Ocean!
–Bay Terrace Shopping Center, Queens
Overheard by: doesn’t anybody pay attention in global anymo
Guy #1: God, I hate the Heebs. How can I join Hezbollah?
Guy #2: Shut the fuck up, man! The government probably heard that!
–4 train, 86th St
Overheard by: waiting for a sniper to take him out
Bimbette #1: Dykes just don’t look good with faux-hawks.
Bimbette #2: Well, I guess it gives them something else to sit on… depending on how much gel they use.
–F train
Overheard by: Philip
