The Wasteland Of Wednesday One-Liners

Guy to security guard: We're not fucking tourists, man, we're just trying to get back to our home in Jersey.

–Port Authority

Overheard by: Confabulation Nation

Metrosexual guy: There are two kinds of people I will never, ever, date. One are people who are culturally ignorant. The second is people from New Jersey.

–45th & 5th

Overheard by: Mr. Pink

Proper British woman to loud drunk guy: Go back to Jersey!

–BB King Concert, Christ United Church

Overheard by: bb

Uptight 40-something white guy: I can't wait to get safely back in New Jersey!

–A Train

Overheard by: JoshBob

Posted on June 1, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, B & T, Brits, Drunks, Guys, Home, Sweet Home, Insults, Metrosexuals, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On the Subway, One-liners, Only in New York, Port Authority, Security Guards, Tourism, Wednesday One-Liners, White People

Like Amy Fisher and Lindsay Lohan

Drunk Long Island girl #1: I am so wasted and I haven’t even thrown up yet!
Drunk Long Island girl #2: It’s like, we’re drunk and we’re from Long Island. We should be all… proper and shit.

–29th & 7th

Overheard by: 100% not drunk

Posted on May 30, 2015
Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Etiquette, Long Island, Manhattan, Vomit

Wednesday One-Liners Double Their Pleasure, Double Their Fun

65-year-old lady, in bikini top and Daisy Duke shorts, with belly hanging over: Of course I am bisexual…can't you see the view?"

–49th St & 7th Ave

Overheard by: NATE MATHIS

Girl to guy: You can't be bisexual and married, John. That's, like, illegal!

–50th b/w 8th & 9th

Australian chic at bar: It's weird though, he reminds me so much of my ex-girlfriend.

–Mexican Restaruant, Lower East Side

Loud girl on cell: No, I did him, it was so good. (pause) Yeah, I fucked her too, she loved it.

–Hillside & Edgerton

Drunk lesbian: Why can't you be a girl or at least have a really big dick?

–Bowery Ballroom

Posted on May 24, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Drunks, Foreigners, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Height, Lesbians, Lower East Side, Marriage, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, Penis, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Sexuality, Street, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Excerpt from The Duke Lacrosse Player’s Guide to Party Etiquette

Drunk girl: People thought I looked good?
Guy: Yeah!
Drunk girl: How do you know?
Guy: Because they gave you money and licked stuff off your breasts.

–140th & Broadway

Overheard by: Logan

Posted on May 20, 2015
Compliments, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Money & Class, Strippers, Talking/Convos

The Books Are Over, Wednesday One-Liner, Deal With It.

Grad student: It’s like Hogwarts. Witches go to Hogwarts. They don’t go to Harvard Witch Management.

–Think Coffee, Mercer & W 4th

Overheard by: this analogy makes no sense

German dude to other German dude, in rapid German: Voldemort! And Dumbledore!

–96th & Broadway

Overheard by: LeLeLe

Teen girl: He said that Dumbledore takes it up the ass. Seriously.

–1 train

Overheard by: Silverhawk

High school thug girl: Yo dead ass, Harry Potter is hot.

–Houston & Green

Overheard by: chedr

Perverted tween: I wonder how many old women are into Dumbledore. They must be like "oooooohh! Dumbledooooooore!"

–D train

Overheard by: tanechka

Drunk 20-something woman on cell: I’ve fallen off the Voldemort wagon!

–Port Authority

Overheard by: McFreaky

Posted on May 19, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Backdoor, Beauty, Books & Writing, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Default, Drunks, Education, Foreigners, Girls, Guys, Magic, Movies, On the Subway, Port Authority, Public Transportation, Restaurants & Cafes, Street, Students, Teens, The Village, Thugs, Tweens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

It’s Enough to Drive You to Drink

Girl: I can’t, like, believe I’m in this, like, fucking crazy, weird AA subculture!

–25th and 3rd

Overheard by: Megan Buckley

Posted on May 16, 2015
Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Girls, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Weirdness

Standing, Not Sitting

Drunk chick: I had a boyfriend once. He wanted to stick a hot iron up my ass.
Sober guy: Well did he do it?
Drunk chick: I’m standing here, aren’t I?

–Tasti D-lite, 4th Avenue

Posted on May 13, 2015
Brooklyn, Drunks, Kink

Don’t Forget Giving Head to That Bear Stearns Intern

Drunk 20-ish chick to friends: I’m starving! I should cook something when I get home.
Thug: Don’t lie! You gonna go home, check yo’ MySpace and pass out!

–Astoria-bound N train

Overheard by: He has a point

Posted on May 13, 2015
Drunks, Myspace, On the Subway, Thugs

Ever Wonder What Really Happens When You Press the “Easy” Button?

Drunk white girl, walking past Staples: Ohmigod! I remember last summer when a guy spit on me at staples!
Drunk white boy: What? A Staples?
Drunk white girl: Yes, it was that Staples!

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: Kiara

Posted on May 12, 2015
Brooklyn, Drunks, Girls, Questions, Smegma, Weirdness, White People

Notice: This City No Longer Accepts the Good Wishes of Outsiders

Drunk Long Islander: Happy Fourth of July, New York City!
Old lady: It’s tomorrow, retard. Go back to Jersey.

–87th & 5th

Overheard by: Hunter North

Posted on May 9, 2015
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Drunks, Ew, Jersey, Holidays, Old People, Upper East Side

Drunks

The Wasteland Of Wednesday One-Liners