The Essential Facts Are Explained at Length in The Bonfire of the Vanities

Thug boy: Yo, nigga, why you wearin’ a tie? You gotta go to court?
Teacher: No.
Thug girl: I bet you gotsta go to a funeral. Somebody got kilt, right?
Teacher: No, I just thought I would wear a tie for my first day. I’m a new teacher here.
Thug guy: Yeah, no shit you new, dressin’ like the fuckin’ president or some shit. You gonna get your dumb ass jumped.
Teacher: For dressing nicely?
Thug girl: Stupid ass white people don’t know shit about livin’ in New York.

–Franklin K Lane HS, Brooklyn

Overheard by: jeff lebowski

Posted on August 14, 2006
Clothing, Education, Murder, On the Subway, Teachers/Professors, Teens, Thievery, Thugs

What’s a Nice Place Like This Doing in a Girl Like You?

Slutty girl: My high school history teacher ate my pussy. Then the science teacher. He ate my pussy. Then in college my freshman philosophy professor and my junior year economics professor, they ate my pussy.
Practical girl: You need to put out a Zagat guide to your twat.

–Prince & Broadway

Overheard by: PDJ

Posted on August 5, 2006
Bimbettes, Comebacks, Eating Out, Education, Girls, Students, The Village, Vagina

Are You Implying a Correlation or a Causation?

Teacher: It just seems the longer I teach, the dumber these kids get.

–1 train

Overheard by: Soon To Be A Teacher

Posted on July 22, 2006
Education, On the Subway, Teachers/Professors

Teacher: Oh My God! Is That?…He’s a Girl Now?!

Girl: Oh my god! That’s my high school photography teacher!

–Gay Pride Parade, 23rd & 5th

Posted on July 7, 2006
Education, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Visual Art

Wednesday One-Liners Were Separated at Birth

Black guy: I can not believe mah baby girl just graduated from high school! Come on, honey, I’ll let you pick where we gonna go fo’ dinner: Denny’s or White Castle?

–Yonkers High School

Overheard by: Snow White

Ghetto girl graduate: Ya’ll wanna go to Red Lobstah or what?

–Times Square

Overheard by: Kaitlyn

Posted on July 5, 2006
All Wednesday One-Liners, Compliments, Education, Food, Offers and requests, Parents, Questions, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Has He Learned Nothing in Four Years?

Intern suit: So how do I get that pre-freshman to give me a handjob?
Girl: Do you realize that you’re graduating from college soon, and you’re asking me this?

–60th & Lex

Overheard by: grossed out

Posted on June 15, 2006
Advice, Coworkers, Creepsters, Education, Girls, Hand-Jobs, Suits, Upper East Side

Their Intergalactic Enforcement Program Is Top-Notch

College applicant: I want to learn how to shoot a gun.
Admissions rep: Okay, well, we don’t do that here — it’s a Criminal Justice college degree.
College applicant: But they told me I need to learn to shoot a gun.
Admissions rep: Who’s they?
College applicant: The aliens. You know, them.
Admissions rep: I see. Well, maybe you should go to the CIA.

–30th Pl & Thomson Ave, Long Island City

Posted on May 20, 2006
Crazies, Education, Long Island City, Shoot, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!

Wednesday One-liners Look Sharp

Chick: My drama teacher said that she looked like she had been fed with a shovel as a child…He was my favorite teacher.

–1 train

Overheard by: Sidra Greene

Posted on April 12, 2006
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Diet/Weight, Education, Girls, On the Subway

The Wednesday One-liners Class Struggle

Hipster girl: She was all, “Yeah, Betsy is my best friend,” and I was like, “Best friend? That is so fucking bourgeois.”

–L train

Girl: I know you made it. Look at you. You got a BlackBerry. Yeah, you made it. You got that good-smelling leather.

–Elevator, 12th & 5th

Overheard by: Thirsty Violet

Professor lady: Yes, we’ll be going into debt a lot as the semester goes on.

–Parsons School of Design

Overheard by: Ray

Teen boy: Anyone on this train wanna buy some candy? It’s not for a basketball team or something, it’s for me so I can buy more candy.

–2 train

Overheard by: Sarah

Intercom: Please take a headset before you get on the plane, because they’re free now. They’re actually free once you get on the plane, but I charge $50 labor for bringing them to you once you’re on. So it’s in your best interests to take one now. Can you tell I’m a happy person?

–LaGuardia

Chick: I’m not even gonna try applying for a Gap card; they’ll never give it to me. I don’t know what it is about Gap; they always know if you have bad credit.

–The Gap, 34th & Broadway

Overheard by: Dianora

Tween boy: What do you mean, I can’t get anything? I’m the one with a job.

–Key Food, Park Slope

Overheard by: Shack