The Protocols of the Elders of Wednesday One-Liners

Georgian tourist looking out window at Hasidic Jew: Oh, look at that man in the Abraham Lincoln costume!

–M1bus near Wall St

Overheard by: Nolan & Brandon

Mother to son: Basically, the Unitarians are the most Jewish of all the…

–91st & Broadway

Overheard by: Carol Elk

Potential student: What’s a Jesuit? A Jewish person?

–Fordham University, Rose Hill

Overheard by: Rachel Hoban

Guy on cell: He doesn’t even drink! He’s Jewish. Apparently Jews don’t drink.

–47th & 9th

Yenta on cell: Can you believe it? She’s planning to have quesadillas as her Passover meal!

–8th St & Hudson

Overheard by: Laughing Goy

Suit to another: Come on — I mean, we’re Jews. We can walk on water!

–20th & Park

Little boy to nanny: I should be a doctor when I grow up, because I’m Jewish. Or an acrobat…

–F train

Overheard by: LaLa

Posted on February 14, 2007
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Christianity, Ethnic Food, Judaism, Stupidity, U.S. Geography, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Meet Refried Jean

Girl #1: I looove Mexican food.
Girl #2: Me, too… just not people ordering it while they’re having sex with me.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

Posted on January 28, 2007
Columbia University, Ethnic Food, Food, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Manhattan, People, Places, Sex, Sex & Relationships, Topics

Great Patriotic Luncheon

Tourist son: But what do they call Chinese food in China?
Tourist mom, thinking: I don’t know honey, good question.

–36th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Omar

Posted on January 26, 2007
Ethnic Food, Kids, Moms

The Cream Puff with the Receptacle Tip

Girl: I went to this awesome Italian restaurant last night.
Boy: Oh, yeah? What did you have?
Girl: This thing called ‘Prophylactic.’
Boy: That’s ‘Profiterole,’ you dumbass.

–20th St & 5th Ave

Posted on December 24, 2006
Bimbettes, Ethnic Food, Words

Better than Arby’s

Girl #1: Hey, so I went to that sushi place you told me to go to last night, and I got food poisoning!
Girl #2: Oh. Hey, you went there? How was it?
Girl #1: I got food poisoning.
Girl #2: Yeah, but how was it before the vomiting set in?

–Ameritania Hotel

Posted on December 4, 2006
Advice, Ethnic Food, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Hotels, Idiots, Vomit

Wednesday One-Liners Hallah Back

Chick complaining about looking for roommates: The problem with today is that everybody’s Jewish.

–Dobbin & Norman

Overheard by: Sam Tresler

Young quasi-gangster to friends: Even if you’re not Jewish, you’re, like… Jewish.

–Post-Yankees game on B train

Overheard by: Indiana

Tourist chick: How, how, how can there be no Jewish deli? All I want is a tongue sandwich and a fucking piece of pizza!

–Grand Central Station

Overheard by: X-tal

Lady suit: Are you saying you’d rather be with a Jewish person than a wife-beater?

–18th & 6th

Overheard by: emily

JAP: Shiksas are totally not allowed on Jdate!

–71st & Columbus

Overheard by: DebDan

Chick in stall to friend: It must be a Jewish thing, but whenever there’s food around I have to eat it — even if I’m not hungry.

–Restroom, Loews Cinema, 11th & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Em

Queer: No, like, of course you’re not Jewish. I just wanted to check before I dissed the Jews.

–113th & Broadway

Overheard by: hilla

Posted on November 22, 2006
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Dating, Ethnic Food, Food, Grand Central, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Insults, Internet, JAPs, Jews, Manhattan, Men, Movie Theaters, On the Subway, People, Places, Pop Culture, Queers, Real Estate, Sex & Relationships, Shiksas (& other Gentiles), Stall Spies, Suits, Topics, Tourists, Trains Not Subway, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Venues, Women

Explain the Waffle Iron, Then

Black NYU boy: For some reason, every Asian here has a rice cooker.
Black girl: Why?
Black NYU boy: I don’t know, I guess because they’re Asian.
Black girl: That’s so stupid. I’m black, but you don’t see me with a chicken fryer.

–8th St & University Pl

Overheard by: yo mama

Posted on November 9, 2006
Black People, Ethnic Food, Race, Students, The Village

He Sees You As an Alternative Target, Not Protection

Chinese guy: Hey, now that you’re here we can go to Sylvia’s in Harlem and get some soul food.
Black guy: What do you mean, "now that I’m here"? What, you can’t go to Harlem by yourself, but now that you’ve got your token black you’re safe? That’s fucked up.
Chinese guy: Let me ask you something: would you go to Harlem alone at night?
Black guy: OK, that’s not the point.

–Chinatown

Overheard by: Ricky