What's Eating Wednesday One-Liners?

NYU guy on cell: Hey dude, I just wanted you to know that I left my burrito in your fridge. Yeah, I'll come around next Tuesday to pick it up.

–South Street Seaport

Overheard by: Julium

Rotund old woman at lesbian hipster cafe: Give me a sesame bagel, pound it down till it's flat, then toast it till it has a nice rich brown coating. And please, a coffee with cream. Make it a nice tan color.

–Paradise Cafe, 8th & 17th

Overheard by: Sebastian White

Middle aged dad, yelling while crossing street with sons: I will learn to make Pad Thai!

–Union Square

Girl on phone: But seriously, you give me good food, and there's a pretty good chance I'll have a thing for you.

–Union Square Park

Overheard by: molly

Man: You know, when I was 25 all I thought about was spending the night at the Playboy mansion. And now I'm 35, and all I really want to do is eat barbecue.

–Hill Country BBQ

Overheard by: I'm just here for the ribs.

Posted on June 5, 2017
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Coffee, Colors, Compare/Contrast, Dads, Ethnic Food, Food, Frat Boys, Girls, Men, Offers and requests, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

…I Was Just Testing You.

Loud Indian woman: Noodles are coming, right?
Waiter: You didn't order noodles.
Loud Indian woman: Oh.
Waiter: Do you want noodles?
Loud Indian woman: No.

–Indonesian Restaurant

Overheard by: Miss Carrie

Posted on May 4, 2016
Baristas, Ethnic Food, India Indians, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Weirdness

Don't Even Bother Bringing Up Shallots.

Teen #1: What's a scallion pancake? Do you put syrup on it?
Teen #2: I don't know.
Teen #1: I thought scallions were a seafood.
Teen #2: No. That's “scallops.”

–Chinese Takeout, Queens

Overheard by: illyria

Posted on March 5, 2016
Ethnic Food, Grocery Stores, Queens, Questions, Stupidity, Teens, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Are So Deep They Cause Bladder Infections

Thug, taking a drink: Yo, this water’s mad wet.

–Murrow High School, Brooklyn

Guy: I mean, I don’t want any bok choy in my chakra.

–12th & Broadway

Overheard by: aryn

Posted on January 23, 2016
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Ethnic Food, School, Stupidity, The Village, Thugs

Wednesday One-Liners Use the Socratic Method

Columbia grad student: …developing a really spectacular
sense of intellectual arrogance.

–Columbia University

Professor, receiving text message in class: Ooh. That’s interesting. Invitation to go dancing, not from my girlfriend. Thank God I’ve got permission… We’re never going to get to anything today, are we? I’m so bad at this…

–Tisch School of the Arts, NYU

Overheard by: Matthew K Johnson

Chinese professor: You see Chinese like tofu, you never use it.

–John Jay College

Overheard by: soccerking3t

Teen guy: So I ended up in a dress. I don’t think English class will ever be the same.

–Stuyvesant High School

Overheard by: Natasha

Sadistic professor: Unfortunately we don’t flog people anymore. You usually pass out after you finish screaming.

–Fordham, the Bronx

Overheard by: Jess McGins

Drunken pre-med to drunken boy teetering on a concrete railing: Reed, if you fall, I’m not a doctor yet!

–West Village, 8th & 14th

Overheard by: annie

NYU girl to professor: So, if you’re sleeping with Nietzsche, you shouldn’t ask the question, "What are you thinking?"

–NYU classroom, Mercer & Houston

Posted on January 19, 2016
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Dancing, Drinking & Drunk People, Education, Ethnic Food, Gripes, Insults, Kink, Music, Nostalgia, Philosophy, Questions, Sex, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

You're on a Roll Today, Amber.

Teen girl to friend: We should, like, totally go out after this.
Friend: But we're not slutty enough to go to a bar.
Teen girl: Ooh! How about a sushi restaurant?

–LIRR

Overheard by: slut for sushi

Posted on November 27, 2015
Celebrations/Parties, Compare/Contrast, Ethnic Food, Friends, Girls, Offers and requests, Teens, Trains Not Subway

Which, Luckily, is Self-Propelled, as Seen in Ghostbusters 2

Woman, talking about the Italian feast in Williamsburg: And they have games and rides and food. And at the end of the week they get strong men together to carry the statue.
Tourist: The Statue of Liberty?

–Williamsburg

Overheard by: just the driver

Posted on August 27, 2015
Brooklyn, Ethnic Food, Food, Parades & Festitivites, People, Places, Statue of Liberty, Topics, Tourists, Williamsburg, Women

Just the Cigarette- and Penis-Shaped Ones, Then?

Mother: And I got you some of those little erasers that look like potpies and sushi and stuff, apparently all the kids collect them and trade them these days.
Daughter: Mom, you are aware that I'm 23?

–Penn Station

Posted on August 13, 2015
Age/Aging, Ethnic Food, Food, Gifts, Girls, Kids, Moms, Parents, Penn Station

Those Jews and Their Wednesday One-liners

Asian guy: Are there really this many Israelis in New York?

–61st & 5th

Overheard by: Adam Shprintzen

Tourist girl: What’s a knish? I don’t know about these flavors. Can I get a plain one?

–Yonah Schimmel’s Knishery, Houston Street

White girl: There’s really no difference between gay guys and Jewish guys…Just the hat and a little ass-fucking, but other than that they’re pretty much the same.

–184th & Bennett

Girl: I don’t know if it’s an ego thing or what, but Jews really turn me on!

–French Roast Cafe, West 11th Street

Overheard by: Dottie McFarland

Posted on August 5, 2015
Asians, Ethnic Food, Girls, Judaism, Manhattan, Race, Restaurants & Cafes, Tourists, Upper East Side

Ethnic Food