The Audacity Of Wednesday One-Liners

Black guy, cutting in front of line at movie theater: Excuse me, Barack Obama is President now. Thank you.

–AMC Movie Theater

Overheard by: Emmy

Man with hand stuck in bus door to bus driver: We got a black President and you actin' like this? You civil service!

–14D Bus

Sketching Jamaican hobo: Obama is some kinda skateboard.

–Shuttle to Times Square

Subway hobo: How come Obama don't have sex with his wife no more? Because every time she opens her legs, he sees bush!

–1 Train

Man to toddler in his arms: That's Obama. He's gonna save us all from doom! From doom!

–University & 12th St

Posted on August 6, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Bus Drivers, Compare/Contrast, Dads, Family Ties, Guys, Hair, Hobos, Kids, Men, Movie Theaters, On the Bus, On the Subway, One-liners, President, Private Parts, Public Transportation, Questions, Race, Sex, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Yeah, Accommodating Your Capricious Food Cravings Was Really Fun

Middle aged woman: And I smoked weed, like, ever day last summer.
Daughter: I'm shocked, mom.
Middle aged woman: Oh, so you thought I was fun naturally?

–Central Park

Posted on August 5, 2015
Central Park, Families, Family Ties, Moms, Parks, Weed

You’re Not a Lesbian, Are You?

Two-year-old girl runs up to Indian Sikh with grey beard and purple turban.
Toddler: Santa! Look mommy, Santa! Hi Santa!
Mom: She … Likes your hat.

–Lillian’s Pizza, Forest Hills

Overheard by: Ethan

Posted on August 3, 2015
Compliments, Family Ties, Girls, Kids, Moms, Physical appearance, Queens, Restaurants & Cafes

And I Love You, Horns and All

Guy: I am really excited about our trip to Germany in the summer. We have to make sure to stop in Frankfurt to meet my family.
Girl: I am kind of nervous about meeting your grandfather since your mom said he was a Nazi and I am Jewish.
Guy: My grandfather is just a mild Nazi. He only believes in the conspiracy theories about Jews.
Girl: Well, I don’t care that your grandfather’s a Nazi. I love you.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Cannelle

Posted on July 30, 2015
Family Ties, Girls, Global Geography, Guys, Hitler/Nazis, Love, On the Subway, Relationships, Tourism, Travel, Wishes & desires

I Told Them to Bring Us Back Some Barbeque

Street vendor #1: Socks! Socks!
Street vendor #2: Your kids and my kids are down in the underworld together.

–Court & Livingston, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Sean McGurr

Posted on July 28, 2015
Brooklyn, Clothing, Family Ties, Kids, Street, Vendors & Street Performers

Woody Allen's Genius Is Partly Remembering Conversations Like This

(dad playing with little kids on slide, son screams)
Mom: Just a minute, honey, daddy is too busy playing with other people's children.
Dad (coming over to son): And mommy is too busy being passive aggressive.

–Central Park Playground

Overheard by: Amused Babysitter

Posted on July 27, 2015
Anger Management, Central Park, Dads, Families, Family Ties, Kids, Moms

We May Have Found the Cause

Little girl to mom: I don’t feel good.
Mom: Are you irregular? Constipated? Do you have diarrhea? Snot? Boogers? Fungus? Menopause? Post-partum depression? Pre-partum depression?…

Little girl wanders away while mom keeps listing ailments.

–Nathan’s, Coney Island

Posted on July 24, 2015
Coney Island, Family Ties, Kids

Can't Seem to Schedule His Emergencies

Designer on cell: I'm with a client right now. Can I call you back in two hours? I'm with a client. Bye.
Client: Huh?
Designer: Oh, my fucking son.

–Lexington Ave

Posted on July 23, 2015
Artists, Customers, Family Ties, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Parents, Questions, Street

Wednesday One-Liners Prefer to Think of It As “Well-Traveled”

Hipster guy to hipster chick: …and he's like, "I didn't come; why is there so much come all over?" And she's like, "Oh, you're number 23." So he's like, "Oh, okay." And he starts pounding away again!

–Bedford & 11th, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Kaitlen

Woman, with her mouth about an inch from a guy, about to kiss him: I can't, I already had sex with three guys today.

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Derek

Girl to friend: I'm really worried about her. I think she has a serious case of slutism.

–66th & Columbus

Preppy girl on cell: Yeah, so apparently "Happy hour Tuesday" equals "Walk of shame Wednesday." I just wish I could've been working at my job for more than a week before I walked in reeking of shame and spermicide. (pause) Actually, I wish the spermicide thing was true. Then I wouldn't have to drop $50 bucks today on plan B.

–Wall St

Teenage boy on cell: She's still sleeping with my brother. I mean, my brother is sleeping with like ten other girls…but she's in his regular rotation.

–Starbucks, Montague Street

NYU student on cell: But logic doesn't call you back. Logic sleeps with you and leaves in the morning.

–Kimmel Center

Posted on July 22, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Boys, Cum, Family Ties, Girls, Grand Central, Guys, Hipsters, Hook Ups, Illness, Jobs & Careers, On Cell, Philosophy, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Preppies, Sex, Sloppy Seconds, Starbucks, Students, Teens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Washington Square Park, Weirdness, Williamsburg, Women, Words

Ten Bucks Says She Was Talking to a Potted Plant

20-something stoner girl walking into room: So… Are you aware that I just had a really extensive conversation with your mother?
20-something stoner guy, playing GTA: Um… Really? … What did you guys talk about?
20-something stoner girl, seriously: Michael Jackson!

–Harlem

Posted on July 18, 2015
About Celebrities, Family Ties, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Music, Parents, Questions, Stoners

Family Ties

You’re Not a Lesbian, Are You?