Wednesday One-Liners Hallah Back

Chick complaining about looking for roommates: The problem with today is that everybody’s Jewish.

–Dobbin & Norman

Overheard by: Sam Tresler

Young quasi-gangster to friends: Even if you’re not Jewish, you’re, like… Jewish.

–Post-Yankees game on B train

Overheard by: Indiana

Tourist chick: How, how, how can there be no Jewish deli? All I want is a tongue sandwich and a fucking piece of pizza!

–Grand Central Station

Overheard by: X-tal

Lady suit: Are you saying you’d rather be with a Jewish person than a wife-beater?

–18th & 6th

Overheard by: emily

JAP: Shiksas are totally not allowed on Jdate!

–71st & Columbus

Overheard by: DebDan

Chick in stall to friend: It must be a Jewish thing, but whenever there’s food around I have to eat it — even if I’m not hungry.

–Restroom, Loews Cinema, 11th & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Em

Queer: No, like, of course you’re not Jewish. I just wanted to check before I dissed the Jews.

–113th & Broadway

Overheard by: hilla

Posted on November 22, 2006
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Dating, Ethnic Food, Food, Grand Central, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Insults, Internet, JAPs, Jews, Manhattan, Men, Movie Theaters, On the Subway, People, Places, Pop Culture, Queers, Real Estate, Sex & Relationships, Shiksas (& other Gentiles), Stall Spies, Suits, Topics, Tourists, Trains Not Subway, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Venues, Women

Can Extreme Sports Be Far Behind?

Hipster #1: He was just ghetto. I walked in and there were Mountain Dew bottles on every surface. Ghetto.
Hipster #2: Mountain Dew is ghetto?

–Grammercy Park

Posted on November 21, 2006
Food, Hipsters, Insults, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Need Food, Dude!

Hobo: Hello, sir, I am homeless… addicted to drugs… and HIV positive, and what I need in this world right now more than anything is a bacon, egg and cheese on a croissant sandwich.

–Dunkin Donuts

Farmer’s market guy: Cauliflower is a shy vegetable.

–Broadway & 115th St

Overheard by: Lalaith

Guy on cell: Who the fuck is ‘Hamburger Helper’?

–15th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Dave the Spazz

Dad: Let’s go to Muffin Land!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Michelle

Guy: It’s like this show I did last week, where I took a human skull and I covered it in cheese products.

–The Bronx

Overheard by: Keith R.A. DeCandido

Girl, covering her ears: Don’t say ‘Cheez Wiz!’ Don’t say ‘Cheez Wiz!’

–Central Park

Overheard by: Amy

Posted on November 15, 2006
All Wednesday One-Liners, Food, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Hobos Are Excellent at Adapting to the Cuisine of the Local Fauna

Suit on cell: So, what do you want to eat?
Hobo: I’d like some shrimp lasagna, that’s what I want to eat!

–Wall St

Posted on November 7, 2006
Food, Hobos, On Cell, Suits, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

Enslaving Africans Gives Me the Munchies

Suit #1: That’s how we can get people to join us on the safari! We’ll say, ‘come on our safari and bring back your own little Namibian!’
Suit #2: That reminds me, do you have the M&Ms?

–57th St & 7th Ave

Posted on November 2, 2006
Assholes, Food, Global Geography, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Suits

But I’d Eat Out Jack Black’s Ass for the Pastrami at Katz’s

Deli girl: So is that your girlfriend?
Guy : No, just a roommate.
Deli girl: What about that other girl you were in here with last week, the other blonde one?
Guy : Nope, just a friend.
Deli girl: And that brunette that came in with you the other day?
Guy : I’m actually gay.
Guy to roommate: Dude, did you see that? That girl is fucking stalking me, she knows every girl I come in here with. I had to tell her I was gay so she would stop with the questions.
Roommate: Why didn’t you just tell her Jess was your girlfriend?
Guy : Cuz the way she was grilling me, I would’ve had to bring Jess in here and make out with her in front of this psycho to make her believe me.
Roommate: Right, so now all you have to is bring a guy in here and make out with him. she’ll believe you.
Guy: I’m not sure the sandwiches in here are worth that.

–Deli, 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Don’t think I’ll be going back there

Posted on October 28, 2006
Food, Lies, Relationships, Restaurants & Cafes, Students, Talking/Convos, Waitresses

And He Ate Them with ‘Fancy’ Ketchup!

Woman #1: All I’m saying is he had three meats today.
Woman #2: He had three meats?
Woman #1: Three meats! And he don’t even have a job!

–147th & 7th

Overheard by: Fogeltrain

Posted on October 24, 2006
Food, Washington Heights and Inwood, Women

So Mom Required her to Contemplate the Year’s Mistakes

Black 10-year-old girl: Mommy! Mommy! Can I get some ice cream?
Ghetto mom: I ain’t gettin’ you no ice cream. Ain’t no holiday.
Black 10-year-old girl: Is so! It’s the Jewish New Year!

–11th St & Ave C

Posted on October 23, 2006
Black People, Food, Holidays, Judaism, Kids, Moms, Offers and requests, Union Square and East Village

Mel Gibson: ‘None of That Actually Happened.’

Old drunk guy: You guys know anything about health and nutrition?
Guy: Clearly not, as we’re drinking beer.
Old drunk guy: Oh… Good point. Well, this may be weird, but remember the Holocaust? Yeah, the Germans found out that the best diets are when you eat the same thing that you’re made of. You know… They learned this because, you know, they would feed families to one another but nobody else realized it. This is why it’s good to eat red meat. Yeah, pretty crazy huh? Ok, bye.
Guy: Yikes.

–Ryan’s Daughter, 85th & 1St

Overheard by: Greg

Posted on October 22, 2006
Bars & Clubs, Drunks, Food, Hitler/Nazis