Girl #1: So I was thinking about milk the other day. Milk comes from cows. And what do cows eat?
Girl #2: Other cows?
Girl #1: No, dumbass! They eat grass! So it stands to reason, when you drink milk, you’re actually drinking liquified grass.
Girl #2: Ugh, gross! I’m so not drinking milk anymore.
Girl #1: Totally, that’s why I drink soy.
–Veniero’s, 11th St & 1st Ave
Dude: … And they put, like, these cranberry raisins in it.
Chick: I don’t like raisins.
Dude: No, but like, they don’t taste like raisins — they’re totally cranberries.
Chick: I really hate raisins, though.
–Cosi, 13th & Broadway
Overheard by: Dani
Suit: My dick was totally in one hand pissing while I was talking to the client.
–48th & Madison
Cashier: Do you want your receipt?
Customer: Yeah, I guess. (pauses to read as she walks to the exit) I love it when my books cost less than my lunch!
–The Strand
Overheard by: Suzanne
Man: Yeah, my mother raised me right. I make sure I eat breakfast every day.
Woman: Mmm-hmm.
Man: I have sardines and grits every day.
Woman: Sardines?
Man: Hell, yes. Sometimes I give some of the gravy to the cats, and they go crazy for it. I mean, it don't matter if they just ate or nothing, they just love the gravy.
Woman: Mmm-hmm.
Man: Gravy. I usually give them a little of whatever I cook. You know, and then they either eat it or they don't. They like turn their heads away if they don't like it. But they sure like gravy. Gravy.
–B26 Bus, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
Woman to man: I know! I don't fry anything. I don't even fry my food anymore.
–47th & 6th
Overheard by: A very disturbed Newsbunny
Old Jewish woman to husband holding restaurant leftovers: It's a sin to waste that food. You could send it to Israel!
–Upper West Side
Overheard by: What a waste!
Preppy guy: At least *I'm* not the one molesting fictional cereal pitchmen.
–Park Slope, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Ladle
Girl on cell, talking loudly: I don't know what I want, but whatever I want, I want French fries with it.
–John St
Preppy girl on cell: Do they study eggs? (pause) Eggs! (pause) Do they study eggs?
–Times Square
Female new student to boyfriend: You have to stop with this whole burrito-is-a-dick thing.
–6th Ave & 13th St
Overheard by: Catie
Lady #1: Look at all these kids! I feel so old…I can’t date in this city any more.
Lady #2: Are you kidding? Listen, honey, let me tell you…I just finished my starter marriage, and I’ve been dating like crazy!
–6 train
Overheard by: BBW
Girl #1: Look at my new ring! Isn’t it shiny and big?
Girl #2: Omigod. When did you get it?
Girl #1: Yesterday, my manlover gave it to me.
Girl #2: “Manlover”?
Girl #1: Yeah, he’s not a boy or my friend, hence manlover.
–F train
Overheard by: fridayweasel
Black chick #1: I told her to keep her badussy hands off my sandwich
Black chick #2: “Badussy”?
Black chick #1: Yeah, It’s like butt and pussy.
–Union Square
Guy: No, I mean I could but it’s not going to change the fact that he did it and he’s probably just going to do it again at some point.
Girl: But you could still gain the satisfaction of telling him he’s a bitch-ho.
–6 train
Girl #1: I’m on the brown; it stinks.
Girl #2: Brown?
Girl #1: You know, when your period is ending.
–Q train
Woman: Where are you from?
Tourist: We’re from Texas! Why, could you hear our accents over there?
Woman: No, it’s because in New York we know that you can’t bring dogs into restaurants.
Tourist: You can’t?
Woman: No, you can’t. We work for the Department of Public Health. Consider this a warning.
Tourist: Oh. I thought it was ok because y’all are ok with Paris Hilton and all.
–Red Lobster, Times Square
Overheard by: Lynne & Craig
Guy: Wow, I just realized something. Smell that. Manhattan really smells like Froot Loops.
Girl: Really? [She sniffs.]Guy: Yeah. Damn, I gotta lay off the Froot Loops.
Girl: No, Mike, you gotta lay off the pot.
–8th & West 55th
Overheard by: Roger
Employee: What kind of bagel did you want?
Guy: Poppyseed.
Employee: Oh, we don’t have poppyseed. We have plain, everything, and cinnamon raisin.
Guy: Everything. I just need the opiates.
–alt.coffee, 9th & A
Overheard by: Alex Romanovich
